Author Archives: plumpdumpling

It’s Best to Claim Your Bodily Functions

Posted by plumpdumpling on June 18, 2009 – 1:10 pm
Filed under good times at everyone else's expense, my uber-confrontational personality, why i'm better than everyone else
Tagged as , , ,

Nearly every single restaurant in NYC delivers for free, which means that on Saturdays and Sundays, Dr. Boyfriend and I pretty much refuse to leave his apartment and secretly have disdain for friends who attempt to coax us out. So last weekend, we were heading downstairs to pick up our delivered Thai food in his building’s lobby when the elevator stopped at a lower floor. Just as the doors opened, the young Asian man waiting outside let out a very audible burp.

He didn’t excuse himself or anything, so I said, “We heard that!” Because, you know, it’s not like I could pretend it didn’t happen. He just continued to stare at the door and didn’t acknowledge me in any way.

When he rushed out at the ground floor, Kamran held me back for a moment and asked me incredulously, “How could you embarrass me like that?!” I was shocked. Embarrass him? He wasn’t the one to hardcore burp and then just casually slip into the elevator like the reeking fumes of his body gas weren’t surrounding us all.

I thought that acknowledging the burp would actually lighten the mood. When someone calls you out on something, it gives you a chance to turn the joke back around on yourself, right? And it’s not like we caught him raping a cat or something here. It was a burp!

So who’s right here–Kamran or me?

For Your Enjoyment

Posted by plumpdumpling on June 17, 2009 – 10:38 am
Filed under administrative
Tagged as

Here are my two favourite things in the world right now:

1) My latest Examiner article, which begins:

In my experience, there are two kinds of subway riders: everyone else and me. Everyone else does this cute little thing–since they somehow believe it more important for them to get to work than it is for me–where they squeeze into the only available square inch of space in front of me on the subway platform–neverminding the fact that there’s a good chance the train is going to swipe off their ties and/or faces–just to be at the front of the jumble of waiting people. Instead of standing off to the sides of the doors to keep traffic flowing, they wiggle into the space clearly marked on the floor as the area to keep clear for exiting passengers. They insist on being first into the car, even if they’re getting off at the next stop and will therefore have to push past everyone they ran on ahead of in order to exit.

Now go read the rest and earn me my penny.

2) This LiveJournal entry by topsyturvytown, which made me laugh so much that I insisted she unlock it so non-LJ people could enjoy it as heartily. If you don’t find yourself linking several of the pictures to your friends, I don’t understand how we could know each other.

Big Apple Barbecue 2009

Posted by plumpdumpling on June 16, 2009 – 10:35 am
Filed under administrative
Tagged as

Hey, whoa, I actually just posted on donuts4dinner.com.

It’s the tale of my trip to the Big Apple Barbecue Block Party this weekend and includes some super-sexy mid-eat photos. Mmmmmm.

More Lost and Lonely Leftovers

Posted by plumpdumpling on June 15, 2009 – 11:08 am
Filed under administrative, restaurant ramblings
Tagged as , ,

Yesterday, Dr. Boyfriend and I were walking around 2nd Ave. between 23rd and 34th Streets, delighting ourselves with the culinary wonders of the weekend street fair (warning: jankiest website ever), when we spotted a pickle vendor. Neither of us have sampled many of New York’s pickle offerings other than the full sour and the half-sour, so I suggested we try something new, but as we approached the tent, we were dismayed to see that they were only being sold by the pint.

We passed by pickleless then but found ourselves standing outside a bakery stationed directly behind the vendor later just as one of the sellers lobbed off the bottom half of a pickle and attempted to land the top half in a trashcan. He didn’t watch to make sure it actually landed in the garbage, though, so Kamran and I were the only ones to see it bounce off the rim and roll onto the sidewalk at our feet.

And thus, an addition to my abandoned food page was born.

Renegade Craft Fair 2009

Posted by plumpdumpling on June 11, 2009 – 10:38 am
Filed under living in new york is neat
Tagged as ,

Our friend Emily introduced my friend Beth and me to the Renegade Craft Fair last year, but I had absolutely no money at the time and bought only a $2.50 ice cream cone (which is what ice cream should cost) and an $8 plastic strawberry necklace (that broke on me after the second wear, but nevermind that).

This year, though, I brought stacks of cash with me and was ready to do all of my Christmas shopping like Emily does. But instead I bought only things for myself.


A pair of houndstooth button earrings for $5 from Cherry Red Boutique that I happen to be wearing today.


An Abe Lincoln pendant from traveling rhinos for $25 that I thought was pretty much the greatest thing at the fair and told the guy at the booth. He agreed and said he couldn’t believe it wasn’t the first thing sold.


A pair of silver hot dog earrings marked down from $12 to $7 also from traveling rhinos, because I’m always buying hot-dog-related items for Tracey and decided it was my turn.


And this amazing, amazing wallet from 31 Corn Lane that lists for $25 on their site but sold for $10 at the fair. It has a life-changing amount of pockets, and I’m sad I didn’t buy one for everyone I know.

Everything was so cheap, right? But that’s because I didn’t buy a $90 sterling silver deer necklace like Beth did or a $110 hat like Emily did. But the hats were pretty cute, right?


Beth Looking Very 1920s

We were walking around with these giant margaritas, and about halfway through them, Emily and I agreed that they must not be very strong, but by the time we finished them, we were able to talk each other into buying anything. I even bought something for Tracey that was more expensive than anything I bought for myself and everyone agreed didn’t even make sense. And then, of course, there was the mad dash to the restroom area, followed by the mad hunt to find a porta-potty that still had toilet paper:

The craft fair was about 100 times better this year than last, because it was in McCarren Park rather than in McCarren Park Pool. In the pool, all of the booths were lined up perfectly, and the sun was beating down on the concrete, and we were generally miserable. In the park, the booths were sort of willy-nilly, and we got to walk on grass, and everyone was generally delighted.