Author Archives: plumpdumpling

All of This Umlauting Has Made Me Hungry for Schnitzel

Filed under there's a difference between films and movies
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My friend Beth and I went to see Brüno on Saturday afternoon. I won’t give anything away, but the movie can pretty much be summed up in the following question, uttered by the guy next to me:

Did that urethra just speak?

Basically, if you enjoy David Letterman’s Top 10 Reasons to See Brüno, you’ll find the movie ten thousand times funnier:

But if you thought Borat was offensive and belittling, you’ll find it ten thousand times worse.

Did anyone else see it/love it? Did you think it could be construed as offensive to The Gayz?

You’re Only as Badass as How Far You’re Willing to Get Out of Your Car

Filed under living in new york sucks so hard
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I was coming out of Grand Central the other afternoon on my way to Kamran’s apartment, crossing to the south side of 42nd Street, when I noticed a businessman on a bike yelling at the cab driver behind him. They were stopped at the red light, and the bike rider was turned around, one foot on a pedal and one foot on the ground, yelling over and over, “Get out of the car!” He had his suit pants rolled up to expose his dress socks pulled to mid-calf and his leather briefcase strapped to his back. The cab driver was leaned back in his seat, hands gripping the wheel, yelling out his open window, but I couldn’t understand him. A driver in a car to their right leaned out his window, looking confused. Everyone on the street watched them, waiting to see what would happen when the light turned green.

I stopped at the corner to wait, and as expected, when the cars around him started moving, the guy on the bike just stood still, foot still planted firmly, looking smug. After maybe five seconds of this, the door of the cab behind the bike rider flung open, and a blonde girl about my age leaned out and yelled, “If you don’t move, I’LL MAKE YOU!” But then, you know, she sat back down and closed the door. Evidently feeling as if he’d proven his point and knowing that plowing over bikers is an everyday occurrence for cabbies, the biker started moving, weaving in and out of cars as he made his way leisurely across town.

And that’s why I ride public transportation.

(also posted to Examiner)

A Fruit by the Foot Commercial for the Ages

Filed under a taste for tv, stuff i like
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While watching our favourite Canadian teen drama, Degrassi, from noon until 8 p.m. one day last week while I was visiting Ohio, Tracey and I luckily captured this Fruit by the Foot commercial on her DVR:

It’s sort of the worst recording ever, but the hilarity of the commercial cannot be diminished by screen lines or weird camera noises. Am I right?

The Bus Driver Who Saved My Life (and by that, I mean 75 cents)

Filed under administrative, funner times on the bus
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To welcome me back from a week away from the Internet in the great barren plains of Ohio, you can politely click on the link below to read a story about how one man changed the course of my entire day:

The only nice person in New York City

Poop of Love

Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession, no i really do love ohio
Tagged as ,

Kamran and I get a little too excited when we jinx:

And now I’m going to Ohio to see the 4th of July fireworks!, because inexplicably, New York fireworks suck. And these things matter.