As you know, I’ve been all over the melodramatic crime dramas lately, and I’m finding myself a little bothered by characters on two shows: Penelope Garcia on “Criminal Minds” and Abby Sciuto on “NCIS”. Both of the women provide technical support and clownish whimsy to their otherwise all-business teams. They’re “alternative” characters, both perpetual teenagers in grown-up bodies. One is a girly-girl who brings trolls and ponies to decorate her desk when she’s working with the NYPD. The other is a goth who needs to be constantly fueled by 32-ounce sodas.
And really, I like that they exist on TV. They’re both super-smart, super-capable women playing invaluable roles on their teams and bringing femininity to their positions in ways that are beneficial rather than weak and detrimental. My problem with them is that they’re alternative in the way that appeals to middle America, alternative in the way out-of-touch TV execs imagine alternative to be. Abby wears black lipstick and spiked cuffs, but she talks with a baby voice, and you kind of picture her listening to Michael Bublé in her downtime. Garcia is brought in on cases where teenage boys need to be talked out of convincing their classmates to hang themselves, but anyone who was 17 fewer than twenty years ago knows no teenager would actually feel a connection to her; they’d think she was trying too hard.
The same goes for her team, who you know wouldn’t give her a second glance outside the office, except possibly to comment snidely on her multicolored hair and too-bright dresses. People really living lifestyles that differ from the norm have a hard time fitting in with the straight-laced set, but these characters are “alt lite”, societally-acceptable enough that your middle-aged viewer doesn’t feel threatened but zany enough that your middle-aged viewer feels a little bit hip quote-unquote knowing them. The problem is that anyone who’s the least bit hip themselves (I’m talking about me here, obviously) is going to see right through the ruse and like the shows less because of it.
What’s interesting is that Garcia also appears on the new spinoff, “Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior”. (It’s like there’s only room for one quirky fat girl on TV at a time.) Meanwhile, Janeane Garofalo, who actually is an alternative badass, plays a super-straight Special Agent in pantsuits and V-necks. Oh, irony.
