Tag Archives: living in new york is neat

R.I.P. Fifth NYC Apartment

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My old roommate, Wen, and I had our very last evening in the old apartment last Tuesday. When I left him on Monday night, the place was still absolutely filled with his things, as his movers weren’t coming until the next afternoon. In fact, when my movers had come the Saturday before and taken apart a shelving unit of his in the kitchen in order to wedge my couch out the front door, he’d put it back together as soon as they’d left instead of using it as a head-start on his packing.

Our landlady came over to either wish us good luck or ensure we didn’t make off with any of her fixtures and stood around watching as Wen threw out a white trashbag packed so full of plastic grocery sacks it could’ve served as the base for a seven-foot-tall snowman. I loaded into a shopping bag my cutting board that looks like a pizza (classy!) and my Cocomotion, a gift from my best friend’s mom that was literally designed to make hot chocolate and nothing else. I plied the Go to the Head of the Class and Let’s Be Safe board games I’d used as wall décor in my bedroom off with a bottle of Goo Gone, and much-taller Wen scraped off the adhesive I couldn’t reach. Our landlady took my new address and promised to send a check if any of our security deposit remained but reminded me that the navy blue with gold moldings in the kitchen probably broke the “no dark paint colors” clause in our lease.

When the only things left were my two shopping bags, my over-the-door mirror, and Wen’s duffel bag, he actually let me take a picture of him for the second time ever to remember the apartment by:


I sure am going to miss those stenciled deer heads over our bedroom doors.

Deciding it was too unwieldy, I tried to pitch my mirror onto his desk and bookcase piled on the sidewalk outside the house, but he snatched it up and carried it to the subway alongside me. Outside the Whole Foods knockoff on our way to the G train at Lorimer Street, a hipster couple saw our armloads and yelled, “Trash day!” We were offended, and I could only think to yell, “Your face is!”

We took the train downtown together–me to my new apartment in Downtown Brooklyn and him to his girlfriend’s dorm (hott!) in Clinton Hill–talking about our Thanksgivings and how excited his mom is to have him back home in Queens for a month while he looks for his next place. We hugged goodbye in a way that felt possibly meaningful, I said I’d e-mail him about grabbing dinner sometime, he said “shhhhhhure”, and then he left with the mirror and four years of memories of me telling him that he’s Asian and will never have curly hair no matter how much of my special shampoo he steals.

It’s strange to leave a place you spent years of your life in and know you’ll never see again.

If You’re Sick of Hearing About My New Apartment Now, Just Wait

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My friend Jack (of infamous snarky comment fame) bought a shiny, new, two-bedroom condo in Downtown Brooklyn on Friday, and after four holy-crap-how-did-I-end-up-here? years in Williamsburg, I’m going to take his second bedroom until he finds a wife or buys a human-sized dog and kicks me out.


You cannot decorate your condo in tree wallpaper and expect me to resist.

The perks are numerous:

• I’ll be a short walk from THIRTEEN subway lines. I’m pretty sure that’s the most you can find anywhere, even in Manhattan. In the station of the one I’ll use the most, the black paint on the ceiling is peeling off and looks like blackbirds swirling above the trains. I will no doubt die of asbestos poisoning before the year is out.

• I’ll be one stop away from work, which is here.

• I won’t have to transfer anywhere to get to Kamran, who’s here.

• I’ll have MY OWN BATHROOM. Which will be marked with the women sign I found buried in my closet while I was packing. Jack doesn’t know this yet.

• Our appliances won’t be mustard yellow, and they’ll include a dishwasher, which I haven’t seen since 2005. Jack already has a system planned for telling whether the dishes in it are dirty or clean that is slightly more reasonable than my usual system of licking them and seeing if any flavor comes off.

• I’ll be in the middle of chain restaurant heaven–including an Applebee’s–so I won’t need to pretend to visit my family in Ohio just to get access to boneless buffalo wings. They’re also building a new Shake Shack on our walk from the subway to the apartment, which means I will literally never use the kitchen in this place.

• If I would need to eat real food for any reason, my local grocery stores will include a Trader Joe’s and a market with a Michelin-starred restaurant inside (what?).

• I’ll be in a building with roof access, a garden with a sunroom, a gym, and a laundry room. Which means I’ll have no excuse to be pale, fat, and smelly anymore. On second thought, I’m not moving.

Even if you discount all of that, I’m just excited to live with someone whose actions I can anticipate. My roommate of four years is the best when it comes to being quiet while I sleep, not having a live-in girlfriend, and buying toilet paper, but if you’re looking for someone who answers texts, goes out to dinner with you, or doesn’t actively avoid leaving his bedroom for days when your best friend visits from Ohio, he’s not your guy.

There’s a good chance Jack will play StarCraft with our other friends every night until 3 a.m., but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

RAT ATTACK!

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Okay, more like RAT RUN AWAY!

One of my very favourite NYC sights either way.

Either I Give the Population Too Much Comedic Credit, or People are Really, Really Dumb

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Kamran sends me a link to Huffington Post‘s slideshow of the most beautiful photos of the abandoned City Hall subway station.

Some fool comments with this:

I think it is hilarious. Then some other fool comments with this:

And I’m like, “Wait, wasn’t that first commenter being funny?”

RIGHT? It was a joke! No?

Best NYC Store Names #1

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After some initial trepidation with the Select Bus Service, I overcame my fears and have been heartily enjoying my bus ride to work with its view of the maybe-slightly-cleaner-and-fresher-than-the-subway great outdoors for the past few days.

My favourite of the things I wouldn’t have seen had I taken the train was this, painted on the side of a cargo van:

Apparently it’s the seafood catering division of the gourmet grocery store Citarella:

And you can bet I’d hire them for my next (first) dinner party if seafood didn’t swim in its own poop.