• Friday morning: Kamran and I cancel our Saturday night dinner with Kim and have a fancy lunch instead to fill our weekend fine dining quota.

• Friday afternoon: I attempt to order groceries through FreshDirect but find that all of their delivery slots are sold out already.

• Friday evening: Kamran and I stop at the grocery store for cheeses, meats, chocolates, Oreos, and a bottle of water. Not a gallon. A bottle.

• Friday evening: Kamran and I order chicken fingers parmigiana sandwiches with cole slaw, potato salad, and French fries for dinner, citing that it’s “Hurricane Weekend” and we have to store up fat.

• Saturday morning: Kamran and I order $80 worth of noodles and crispy pork belly from a restaurant on Seamlessweb to last us the weekend, wait an hour, call them to see where our food is, and find that they’re closed.

• Saturday noon: The subways and buses shut down. My best friend texts me and asks how I’m doing. I tell her we’re STARVING TO DEATH.

• Saturday afternoon: I call around to every restaurant in the neighborhood. One pizzeria is open. We order enough calzones and pizza for two days.

• Saturday afternoon: Kamran realizes I’ve had some roses he bought me sitting in a vase for approximately two months now and curses me under his breath as he throws them away and fills his apartment with stinking water smell. I tell him to take it down a notch, because this is Hurricane Weekend, and we’re trapped in his apartment together for two days.

• Saturday afternoon: The mandatory evacuation of the neighborhood where my office is begins. My dad texts me and tells me to go to Kamran’s, which of course I already have. My great-aunt calls to make sure I’m still alive. It hasn’t even started raining at this point.

• Saturday evening: Kamran’s building warns that we won’t be able to flush the toilets if the power goes down. We consider filling his bathtub full of water for approximately three seconds. Then we consider at least filling his sink. Then we go back to watching “Jersey Shore”.

• Saturday evening: I buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake ice cream from the convenience store in Kamran’s building and eat it all, citing once again that it’s Hurricane Weekend.

• Saturday evening: Kamran and I do absolutely nothing to prepare for what’s about to happen overnight, deciding that if the water reaches us at more than ten stories high, we deserve to die.

• Sunday, 3 a.m.: I wake up to some light sprinkling outside.

• Sunday noon: Absolutely nothing has happened.

• Sunday afternoon: Everyone feels really embarrassed about those 24 gallons of water taking up 3/4 of their studio apartments.

• Sunday evening: Kamran and I go outside for the first time since Friday night to survey the damage and find what amounts to this:

Which is basically what we expected. But on our way back, his neighbor tells us about this downed tree around the corner in the other direction:

So that’s kind of impressive, I guess. Still, overall, quite a bust.