Tag Archives: fun times on the subway

Dancing Tots Heat Up the 4 Train

Posted by plumpdumpling on August 27, 2009 – 12:14 pm
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The man said, “Get ready for the show!” and began rhythmically pounding the seat beside him with his hands. Two little girls on the seat across from him hopped up and gyrated down the empty aisles in matching green-striped t-shirts, hands on their hips and in their braided hair. Their skills were straight out of a hip-hop video, and I was embarrassed for them when their dad had to tell them not to move so sexily on the metal poles in the center of the train.

Read the rest here, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT.

In the Subway Station, Being Nice Gets You Nowhere

Posted by plumpdumpling on August 6, 2009 – 2:03 pm
Filed under fun times on the subway, living in new york sucks so hard, my uber-confrontational personality
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After work the other day, I was heading to my boyfriend’s apartment and exited the train at Grand Central. There was a throng of people gathered at the staircase on the platform, being inconsiderate to each other as usual. A man with a guitar case had been waiting by the stairs for someone to let him up for as long as I’d been waiting patiently toward the back of the mass, so when it was my turn to step onto the first stair, I held back for a second and motioned for him to go ahead. He smiled and thanked me, and I was left feeling like the greatest American hero, as my boyfriend says.

Then, on my way up the staircase from the station to the street, a woman was coming down on the wrong side. I find that sort of thing ridiculous in normal polite society, but in a city where we’re all two centimeters from colliding with one another, it’s totally inexcusable. I was going to give her the what-for, but then I thought, “Hey, it’s raining, and if I’m nice to the guitar guy AND the wrong-side lady, my karma will be off the chart.” Not that I believe in that sort of thing.

But as soon as I was through congratulating myself on being a true humanitarian, the woman thrust her Strawberry shopping bags in front of her, lifted her chin, and said haughtily, “Clear the way! Clear the way!”

She’s lucky she didn’t say it ten seconds earlier, because you can bet I would’ve planted myself right in front of her until the smell of the halal cart outside the station became too tempting around nightfall, but as she was right beside me by that point, I could only say, “You are a bitch!”, but she kept on walking down the stairs, and people kept on moving out of the way for her.

Funny that the only time New Yorkers are nice, it’s for people who don’t deserve it.

(also posted on Examiner) (who pays me when you read my articles, I should mention) (in case you were thinking about not clicking on that link)

Subway Seat Supply and Demand

Posted by plumpdumpling on July 31, 2009 – 10:06 am
Filed under fun times on the subway, good times at everyone else's expense, why i'm better than everyone else
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On the subway, the law of supply and demand is fully in effect: the fewer seats available, the more desirable they are.

I get on the 4/5 after work at Bowling Green, which is the first uptown stop in Manhattan. There are always a few stragglers from lower Brooklyn on it, but most of the seats are empty. Some people still rush into the train, of course, but the majority of us take our time. I usually nonchalantly nab a seat if I’m planning to read, but if I’m going to play my Nintendo DS and don’t want anyone looking over my shoulder to see how terrible I am at Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords, I stay standing.

Plenty of other people stay standing at that stop, too, but at Wall Street, the train fills up a little more, and you start to see riders get a little anxious about their lack of choices. They want to sit, but they don’t want to try to squeeze in between the oversize lady with her five bags and the guy with his legs unnecessarily spread three feet apart. People try to look casual, but they’re secretly sneaking looks up and down the entire train to see if there’s anything worth making a move on.

At Fulton Street, there’s no time for pretending. Women rush into the train and plunk down with no regard for how huge their assets are and how small the seat space is. Men who would normally open doors for little old ladies practically push them out of the way. Pregnant women are left clutching their stomachs and fanning themselves with their hands as everyone looks at each other, hoping someone else will volunteer to give up his or her seat first.

I feel very smug about getting to choose whether or not I’ll sit, and I’ll admit that I like to mess with the people who have to stand. I’ve found that if I take off my headphones and turn off my iPod right as we enter Grand Central, the woman standing in front of me will breathe a sigh of relief and grab my seat as soon as I stand. I hate that. So when I want to have a little fun, I’ll take my headphones off as we enter the station before Grand Central, which is Union Square. And Union Square is a full 28 blocks away from Grand Central. Which means that after I take my headphones off and the woman in front of me prepares herself mentally for the joy of sitting down on the crowded train, I’ll make her stand waiting for another five minutes until I actually get off. And if there’s a lot of train traffic or a track fire or anything to slow us down, that five minutes can turn into ten or fifteen. You can imagine how this delights me.

(also posted to Examiner)

Public Bathing is Better Than Public Urination, I Suppose

Posted by plumpdumpling on June 2, 2009 – 10:31 am
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I’ll admit that it was well after midnight when I spotted this sign in the Union Square train station, but even if my brain had been functioning at normal daytime levels, I’m pretty sure my first thought would’ve been the same.

I imagine there’s some sort of equipment behind the door that can’t get wet, but all I can picture is so many homeless people inexplicably bathing themselves outside of this particular door that the MTA had to put a sign up to discourage it.

(also posted to Examiner)

Utica Ave. Panhandler Screwdrives Cop, and I Rethink My Charitable Subway Givings

Posted by plumpdumpling on May 4, 2009 – 2:35 pm
Filed under fun times on the subway, living in new york sucks so hard
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A couple months back, Dr. Boyfriend and I were headed downtown on the M15 bus, which is perpetually crowded during going-out times despite it being articulated, meaning that’s it’s hooked to a second bus with this accordion-like segment to make it doubly long. The entire back row of the second half happened to look empty, though, so I made my way back and sat down.

Only upon sitting, I noticed a transient-looking fellow with wild hair and ripped clothes lying across half of the row, but I decided to play it cool. Because as I told you, I try not to overreact about homeless and obviously insane people like most people do. But Kamran took one look at the guy and made me move, mouthing to me as he pulled my arm, What are you thinking?! What I was thinking was that no one pulls any kind of crazy killing shenanigans on public transportation. Because evidently things like the Canada Greyhound beheading only stick with me for a day or two.

But then this crazy panhandler had to go and stab a cop of all people in a subway station. And now every time I tip a mariachi band on the subway, I’m going to wonder if they’re concealing sharpened screwdrivers in the pockets of their ponchos.