Tag Archives: fun times on the subway

Who Will Join Me in “Ave Maria” at the Rat Funeral?

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I love the 34th Street subway station at Herald Square. The street above is tourist shopping heaven–every awful American retail chain, plus the Manhattan Mall, and Macy’s, which claims to be the largest store in the world–with all of the annoying crowdedness of Times Square but none of the pretty lights to distract from the family in front of me walking 8-wide across the sidewalk and stopping every five feet to decide which Jonas Brothers photo they want to buy from the street vendors.

But in the station itself, when you’re waiting for the N/Q/R train, you can peer down the platform and see into the tunnel for what must be blocks. All of the different lights, the spot where the express and local tracks come together, the way the train comes around the bend seeming so small and slow but roars past you seconds later–I still get a thrill out of that after seeing it for more than five years.

34th Street Subway Station

The only thing that could possibly make it more exciting for me? The dead rat I saw on the tracks yesterday.

34th Street Subway Rat

It’s getting pretty hard to be seen in public photographing dead animals, half-eaten food, and what is probably urine. But I do it all for you, dear reader.

RAT ATTACK!

Filed under fun times on the subway, living in new york is neat, super furry animals
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Okay, more like RAT RUN AWAY!

One of my very favourite NYC sights either way.

Can My Karma Withstand Altercations with Two Old Ladies in One Week?

Filed under fun times on the subway, funner times on the bus, living in new york sucks so hard, my uber-confrontational personality
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I was alone at the bus stop yesterday morning and standing at the far corner of the glass enclosure, which is where I always like to stand when it’s available, because it shields me from the wind coming off the river. A younger man approached, and rather than walk past me to also stand in the enclosure, he stood just on the outside, as if he was lining up beside me. A few more people walked up as we waited, and all of them also stood outside in line, and I was thinking, “What a civilized people we are.” I moved to the other side of the enclosure so all of them would feel free to move over and come inside, too.

When the bus pulled up moments later, it stopped directly in front of me, and I casually stepped forward to claim my rightful position as first on, when out of nowhere, this older lady rushed over from the right and attempted to intercept me. I have no idea how long she had been waiting there, because the right side of the bus stop enclosure is covered over with an ad for an opera singer who looks like Russell Crowe. All that was clear to me was that I had been the very first person at the bus stop, so no matter how long she’d been hiding, I’d been there longer.

Read the rest!

The Subway Makes Me Want My Mommy, Too

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Just before I manhandled some poor old lady on the R train on Tuesday, I was relaxing with the first book of the Sookie Stackhouse series on my Kindle on my way home from work. Bill kept saying Sookie’s name, and I kept thinking about the way he draws it out all low and slow like some emo 15-year-old in “True Blood”, the TV adaptation of the books, and I was enjoying the thought.

There were exactly 4 people in my train car, because it was still before rush hour. I was sitting at the end of a three-seater, and there was a girl on the other end of it, one seat away from me. Two guys were sitting together farther down the car, and every single other seat was empty.

At City Hall, the doors opened, and in my peripheral vision, I saw what I can only describe as an ogre barreling onto the train. I didn’t look up, because I try not to stare at obviously-crazy people, but from over my Kindle, all I could see were these giant–I mean GIANT–feet leading the way. It wasn’t just that they were longer than I’ve ever seen; they were super-thick, too, as if he was wearing black platform moonboots. He took these enormously wide steps, too, like he had been straddling a horse for months and had lost the ability to unbend his knees.

Read the rest here.

Also, it’s been a super-busy week on UNBREADED, donuts4dinner, and even Lost and Lonely Leftovers. I must have been bored.

Wait Your Turn, Grandma

Filed under fun times on the subway, living in new york sucks so hard, my uber-confrontational personality
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I met a friend for dinner Tuesday night and told her I was so glad to be seeing her just so I could get this story off of my chest and never have to publicly admit to it, but of course I have to publicly admit to it. It’s not that I think I was in the wrong, because I know I was in the right, but I still can’t help feeling guilty about physically intimidating an old lady in the train. Yes. You read that right.

I was on the R coming uptown from work. As the train neared Union Square, I turned off my Kindle and casually headed for the door. I don’t like to rush right over and potentially block someone who might be in a bigger hurry than I am, but I also need to make it clear that I’m getting off so I don’t get trapped inside the car by all the crazy people coming in. Because they are always crazy.

So by the time the train came to a stop, I was firmly in front of the doors and ready to plow through the group outside on the platform who were inching closer and closer like classic horror-movie zombies in a feeding frenzy. I could see that there was this wiry white-shirted person right in front of one of the windows, but I didn’t make eye contact, because it’s easier to make people think I might cut them if I don’t show them my innocent, doe-like eyes.

Read the rest here.