Tag Archives: creepy boyfriend obsession

Refuse, Facial Hair, and Shameless Flattery

Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession, holidays don't suck for me, living in new york sucks so hard
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I realize I didn’t say goodbye to you guys, but I’m sure it wasn’t hard for you to figure out that I left on the 22nd of December for Christmas in Ohio and returned to NYC this past weekend to lots of this:


Yeah, that’s trash covered in snow. But they’re recyclables! So that makes it okay.

But also a boyfriend who’d hottly grown out his beard because he’s out out of school and off of work for the next two months to study for the Bar Exam:

And a few lingering Christmas trees not-hidden behind frosted glass:

Now I need to go get caught up on your lives. Did Bachelor Girl give an in-depth account of the events leading up to her notorious Christmas card? Did Serial and Kinard become BFFs behind my back? Is Cristy a medical transcriptioner yet? Did the Super Bowl happen, and was Bluz there to wreak havoc? Has Jessica had her baby yet (I think she has, like, 12 weeks to go, but WHO KNOWS)? And what about Tessa and Julie and Kim and . . .

Disneyland: Part 1

Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, creepy boyfriend obsession, travels
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It has been brought to my attention that I’m never being taken back to Disneyland again if I don’t post the photos from our trip while in California, so here you are, three months later.

We invited Kamran’s friends Gary and Diana along,

Disneyland

thinking that they might enjoy a trip to The Happiest Place on Earth™ without their two kids in tow. Little did we know that Gary and Diana are Disneyland experts and basically made our visit 100 times better than it would’ve been had we gone alone.

After following these fine folks all the way through Anaheim,

Disneyland

the first thing Gary made me do upon our arrival at the park

Disneyland

was stop by City Hall to tell them it was my birthday and get a special button that entitled me to an entire day of Disney employees being forced to joyfully wish me a happy birthday. Even the guys picking up trash were smiling and calling me by name. It really appealed to the famewhore part of me.

Disneyland

Then Gary ran around like a madman, picking up as many FASTPASS tickets as possible while the rest of us stood in line for the less-popular rides like the Jungle Cruise and The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh,

Disneyland

which was trippy as hell.

Disneyland
Pooh looks totally evil here, right?

It meant we were able to bypass the horrendous lines on rides like the Indiana Jones Adventure and Splash Mountain

Disneyland

and make little kids cry as they saw us jog past them and their weak little standing-in-line-for-more-than-an-hour legs. Kamran got a real kick out that, obviously.

Disneyland

No, really.

Disneyland

We saw the Sleeping Beauty Castle

Disneyland

and figured out that compared to Disney World’s Cinderella Castle, only the Seven Dwarfs could sleep here:

Disneyland
Although staying there is by invitation only, apparently, so even they probably couldn’t.
Stinky dwarf feet and all.

We went on Pirates of the Caribbean twice,

Disneyland

mostly to see this guy suggestively humping his canon:

Disneyland
Right? I’m not just imagining how dirty that is.

After seeing churros cart after churros cart,

Disneyland

we finally bought one, because I swear those things don’t exist at Disney World.

Disneyland
Also suggestive.

Disneyland

Along with cotton candy.

Disneyland

And a funnel cake.

Disneyland

Which gave Kamran the energy to conquer the feats of strength in Toontown. Which are of course meant for children.

Disneyland

Not that Kamran can in any way be considered adult.

MORE TO COME!

It’s So Hard Being Ivy League

Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession, just pictures
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What Other People’s Lives Must Be Like Every Weekend

Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession, it's fun to be fat, living in new york is neat
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It’s been two weeks since it happened, but it lives in my mind as if it was yesterday: the weekend Kamran decided he didn’t care about law school (his last semester!) and let me make a brunch reservation for us.

We dined in front of Lincoln Center at Bar Boulud, which was so completely boring as to render the name of this blog un-ironic, despite its cheese pastries that sparkle in the sun:

We made our way through Central Park to avoid 59th Street and the horse-drawn carriages that line it, but of course those itch-inducing allergybuckets follow us everywhere:

Walking down 5th Avenue, we passed by the all-glass Apple store and saw this man “coincidentally” standing outside:

And then stopped by FAO Schwarz, which oddly, neither of us had been to in our 5+ years here to:

1) take multiple pictures of ourselves with the LEGO Chewbacca while small children anxiously tried to crowd us out:


(that’s me and my cleavage between his legs!)

2) test our strength on a foam puzzle that’s the size of Kamran’s entire apartment:

3) and learn the true meaning of factory farming:

We talked about stopping by a Duane Reade to grab some candy to get our blood sugars primed for Halloween, but then we realized we were too close to Dylan’s Candy Bar to pass it up. What you have to understand about Dylan’s is that it’s a microcosm of New York City itself: it’s the most wonderful place on Earth and has everything you’d ever want in life, but you can’t even begin to afford it, and it’s full of all of the worst people imaginable. Dylan’s has every kind of candy ever made, but it costs $13.99 per pound. It has clear staircases filled with your favourite childhood treats, but they’re constantly crowded with dumb tourists. It’s wonderful. And awful.

So Kamran and I decided to get a single pound of candy to split, which we deemed a “reasonable” pre-Halloween snack. Then we got into the checkout line, which stretched literally to the door. As we stood there, a kind-of-friendly-but-kind-of-surly dad started talking to us out of nowhere about how he’s lived in NYC for 30 years and had never heard of Dylan’s up until then, and we just looked at him like, “Sucker.” Then he turned to his kid and said, “Should we try to make this last until Monday, or should we eat it all today?”, and I felt such love for humanity at that moment.

But then Kamran whispered, “There’s a lady over here on a Rascal who keeps eating the candy, and it’s really depressing me.” And indeed, this superfat middle-aged blobby thing came speeding over to our area a second later, gnawing on whatever she’d picked out of the bins with the “no sampling” signs on them and just smiling to beat the band. She couldn’t fit her scooter through the racks of candy blood we were standing near, so the guy and his son behind us offered to let her in front of them in line.

Outside, we passed a homeless person propped up against the side of a building, and not two feet in front of . . . it . . . I spotted an abandoned gummy bear that would’ve been soooooo perfect for Lost and Lonely Leftovers, so I stopped and took a step backward but then reconsidered and kept walking. Kamran asked what I was doing, and when I told him, he seemed to think this made me a bad person! But clearly this homeless person wasn’t hungry if it was letting a perfectly good gummy bear just sit there.

Moments later, the lady on the Rascal went speeding past us on the sidewalk, honking her horn and digging into her bag of candy as we went on to curse at old ladies.

Well, not “we”. Me.

You’ll Know That I Know That You Know I Know What Time It Is

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Sometime last month, Kamran and I had this conversation:

And of course I thought nothing of it, because he always asks me really random, nearly-nonsensical questions all day long while he’s kneedeep in patents and hallucinating bunnies on carnival rides.

But of course he bought me a watch for my birthday! And it is the most wonderful, design-y, chunky watch from the NYC company Nooka:

So now when you read my blog posts, you’ll know that I know that you know I know what time it is.

He also got me a “Deadliest Catch” t-shirt with a picture of the Cornelia Marie on it, and a box of chocolates from Derry Church after reading a review of them. And the best dinner! Swoon! SWOON!

You’re going to be so horrified when you find out what I bought him for his birthday, which is TODAY.

Happy birthday to the last of the famous international playboys!