Am I right in thinking that tonight’s “Survivor” ended in the only way it could in a perfect and just world? Colton Cumbie, the biggest jerk in “Survivor” history in my mind, went home with a suspected appendicitis after ensuring Christina all episode long that she was the next to go, that she had no friends, that she could wait out her sentence on the island or “jump in the fire” and end it for herself.
photo by CBS
I know that Russell Hantz is largely regarded as “Survivor”‘s most evil mastermind, but Colton was an even worse kind of awful: the kind who cried like the kid picked last on the playground when he was the only gay guy on a team full of macho men he assumed wouldn’t accept him and then became a snotty, snobby diva spewing hate the moment he didn’t have to fear being voted off every single week. At least Russell had the decency to be terrible all of the time. Watching Colton fall from grace—from a country club brat who laughed when he said the one black person he knows was the family’s servant to a wretch coiled up on the bare ground, hilariously thinking his stomach pain was constipation—felt so, so sweet.
And then he took the hidden immunity idol home with him to boot instead of passing it along to his closest ally (Alicia), the only person who took pity on him during his sickness (Christina, who is a princess among women), or one of his teammates for a future Tribal Council. I was amused by him for the first episode, I felt sorry for him for the second episode, and I wanted him full of gangrene by the third episode. If we see a future “Survivor: All Stars” with Colton in the cast, I’m out.
