Tag Archives: all of my friends are prettier than i am

Do It Again!

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My friend Emily likes to tease me about the photos I take for this here blog. She says the number one thing out of my mouth on an outing is:

“You know that really awesome thing you just did? Do it again so I can take a picture of it.”

Which is entirely true. So in honor of all of my spontaneously hilarious friends who so obligingly re-pose for me, here are my favourite of the “do that again” photos of recent history:


Kamran about to bite the head off a prawn at a yakitori joint.


Adam sleeping while he was supposed to be teaching a training class of customers at work.


Emily looking so completely badass with some graffiti.


Sad LaChantee after being told that she wasn’t allowed to sleep under my desk at work.


Meredith looking innocent on our outing where we saw the rotating meat.


Kamran flapping the wings of our poor Cornish game hen on our first Thanksgiving together.


Bethany and Tracey “biting” into the pizza-themed glass cutting board my parents gave me for Christmas to mock my cooking skillz.


Sonya wishfully thinking.


Kamran being EATEN IN THE FACE by a monkey at Dave & Buster’s.


Katie being EATEN IN THE FACE by Nick’s alligator head at Evolution.


Oliver, WHO WAS MY BOSS, trying to get me to do GOD KNOWS WHAT by offering
a dollar up to me through the glass on a rainy night at a bar on a work trip in New Orleans.


Joanie and Tracey figure skating in a Kohl’s in Kentucky.


Dominique telling the obnoxious wallpaper in her apartment building to pipe down.


Mike and Jessica, the vegetarians, clearly craving some meats.


Sonya pretending to actually love Adam for more than just his hair.


Kamran casually eating his frozen yogurt after totally dropping a big brown splotch on his shirt.


The one time someone actually did the “do it again” to me.

Thanks, friends!

Eruption on the M15

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I was riding the M15 up from the East Village after a Friday night of karaoke classics at my favorite place to watch my friends make fools of themselves, Sing-Sing, when at a stop near 34th Street, a man stood up from his seat and began yelling at the person behind him, seemingly out of nowhere. This is precisely what I heard:

“You want to step out?! You want to step out?! You’re not so clean! Your butt is dirty! Asshole!”

He was a stubby guy with a backpack and the leftovers of an Asian accent, and his victim was a white-haired, cane-holding black gentleman who didn’t seem to notice that he’d just been given a verbal beat-down. Now to be fair, I was in the back of the bus behind a guy who was inexplicably grunting at ten-second intervals, but I’m positive that’s what the yeller yelled. How he knew anything about his fellow rider’s butt I’m less sure of.

He strutted off the bus with an air of accomplishment, and we were all left to wonder what the old man could’ve possibly said to rile him up.

(Posted on Examiner, which pays me for your visits (hint, hint))

And because I can’t resist:


Steven and Emily singing (or, you know, not singing in this photo) a romantic duet
of Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract”


Nik and Charles enjoying Jeff’s rendition of “Stayin’ Alive”


Roxanne showing her Jamaican roots with some Bob Marley, which earned her the eye
of the one other Jamaican dude who sings karaoke in NYC.


Adam unabashedly doing the robot while Steven gets DOWN.

The Week of Tracey’s Wedding Minus the Wedding Itself

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Before I get into all the to-do surrounding my best friend Tracey’s wedding, allow me to showcase the other awesomeness that occurred during my five-day trip back home to Ohio.

After picking me up at the airport on Tuesday night as is tradition, Tracey whisked me back to her apartment to see if three months of working out every day and eating only half as many quesadillas as I would’ve liked made me lose the FIVE INCHES I needed to in order to fit into the lovely black satin and tulle bridesmaid’s dress she’d purchased for me.

Finding that I still needed at least a half an inch less flesh to get the thing zipped, we drove down the street to Walmart (yes, Walmart) and bought two body-shaping corset things. But it turns out that they’re not like getting liposuction at all. Even the one that was so tight I had to bend over and hold on to the dining room table while Tracey attempted to snap it closed didn’t work. Tracey calmly told me that maybe we should’ve just had the dress altered back in December when I first found out I’d had her buy it way too small, but I appreciated the motivation, and hey, I did manage to lose at least four inches. So suck it, Tracey.

The next afternoon, after a trip to the fabric store, she drove me down to our hometown to visit our old neighbor, who happens to make wedding gowns for a living. Her scrapbook full of bridesmaid’s dresses from the 80s with puffy sleeves made out of what looked like floral-print carpet were a real treat, but the best part of the day was chasing her six pet chickens around the yard, where they freely roam:

SO COUNTRY!

That evening, I went over to visit my friends Katie and Nick, who are married and have a home and a baby and cook dinner and seem totally weird to me:

I’ve been friends with Katie since we were in the womb and met Nick in college while working at the science museum in Columbus where Tracey would have her wedding, and since I set them up, I take particular interest in their relationship and pretty much claim their kid as my own, because 10-month-old Baby Maria is sort of the cutest thing ever:


Even my dad agrees that a baby has never been cuter, and as my father, he’s not technically allowed to say that.

Visiting them makes me feel like living in our hometown wouldn’t be the worst idea possible, because they have things like a finished basement with a bar!:

Where they have things like creme de menthe on hand at all times!:

And where they teach their children to be lushes!:

Ohio is HEAVEN, I tell you! Listening to David Bowie on vinyl, drinking homemade cocktails, and tossing balls at a baby on a pool table:

The next morning, I went with my dad to get the tires changed on his truck, which turned out to be an hour of standing around, listening to men talk about how hard it must be for stock car racers in an economy like this with the cost of tires so high. My dad is an enviable small-talker, so I busied myself with Chubby, the garage dog who eats nuts, bolts, and scrap rubber:


You can’t tell, but Chubby is chewing on a hex wrench here.

But the best part of the garage were these words stenciled all over the floor, not that I’m elitist or judgemental:

So, who’s coming back with me next time?

Another Wedding in Ohio Yay!

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I’m going to Ohio tonight, because Tracey and Dan are getting married on Saturday! Even though we both agree that societal conventions like marriage are ridiculous! And Tracey’s going to take his last name to boot! I’m using exclamation points sarcastically to voice my displeasure!

No, no, I kid. I mean, come on, look how cute they are together!:

Plus it means an excuse to see my dad!:

And my recently-married little sis!:

And my other friend for life, Katie, who no longer has a pregnant belly for me to gnaw on!:

But it’s really all about this one!:

Best friends montage!:

These are the times when living away from my friends-since-we-were-babies especially sucks. One of Tracey’s other bridesmaids had to plan her shower, and I just got to fly in back in January and enjoy it. And Tracey somehow feels like she has to make up for me having to buy a plane ticket in for the wedding, even though I’m the one who moved away. And when she and Dan should be enjoying their last moments of unwedded freedom, I’m going to be tagging along to their romantic dinners and forcing Dan to entertain himself otherwise while I play hours and hours of Scene It? with Tracey. Ahhhhh, the life I lead.

The Best Karaoke in NYC

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I was actually in a non-salty mood for the first Friday in ages, so I convinced some of my ladyfriends (and Steven) to go out for another round of karaoke to make up for our last sad, sad display. This time we went back to our usual spot, Sing-Sing Karaoke, which was introduced to us by Emily ages ago and which I’m going to argue is the best karaoke in New York City in terms of song offerings and awesomeness of facilities, though their private rooms get snatched up too quickly because of how great they are.

We went straight from work, which meant that we were the first ones there and got to take advantage of their $5 per person/hour private room happy hour rate and half-priced drinks. The drinks being the reason you will not see any photos of me in the following collection.

The drinks also being the reason Steven looks like he’s soooooooo into this beautiful ballad until you notice that the words on the screen are “till you holler for more”:

and the reason Jessica looks like she’s never enjoyed a tortilla chip from Chipotle more than she’s enjoying this one:

and the reason Melvin has five chins:

and the reason Jenny and Jessica actually sang a song without being threatened into it (and why Jenny may be throwing up here):

and the reason Emily is singing “867-5309/Jenny” for the second time that night in honor of Jenny with her hand in her crotch:

Okay, no, I’m kidding; we each had, like, one drink. But there’s really no other explanation for this stuff.