Why are you looking at me every time you pass by my desk?
We’re not friends!
I’m not going to look back!
You’re going to feel bad about yourself!
A Guide to What Happened at the Oscars for People Who Don’t Really Care
Filed under there's a difference between films and movies
I didn’t watch the Oscars last night (and similarly didn’t see a single one of the nominated movies this year, because seriously, what?), but here’s what I gather happened based on the tweets and Facebook updates of my friends:
• Billy Crystal appeared in blackface (this has to be a joke, right?)
• J. Lo’s nipple slipped
• People liked Rooney Mara but not her name
• Everyone thought it was funny to talk about current nominees winning for previous pictures (“if Christopher Plummer doesn’t win for The Sound of Music . . .”, “Meryl Streep has it in the bag for Death Becomes Her“)
• Cirque du Soleil was really the whole reason to watch, unless you were a straight male, in which case it was “gay”
• Someone named Octavia Spencer exists and did something that people are “whoo!”ing about
• Last night was the first night that anyone ever noticed Angelina Jolie is skinny
• Someone sang a song and was missing a tooth
• People exist who don’t like Tom Hanks (WHAT?!)
• Jonah Hill got fat again (YES!)
• People care more about zombies than award shows
I didn’t see The Artist, but here’s my favourite Facebook post about its winning, by my friend Steve:
“What a shock! A mediocre movie that makes people feel that they’re smart and sensitive. Once again, the Academy sinks to the occasion.”
His friend Drew asked, “Was it the ‘Here Come The White People To Save Us!‘ movie?”
Steve said, “No, it was the ‘It’s Silent So It Must Be Art‘ movie.”
Until next year, when I don’t watch again!
Giveaway: Too Crewel Embroidered Pillow
Filed under giveaways
You’ve already seen me brag about the gorgeous custom piece Liesi of Too Crewel made for me recently. Well, since I started reading her blog months ago, I’ve been eyeing a certain item in her Etsy store.
And today, Liesi and I are giving it away to you! (I know. I can’t believe how unselfish I am, either.)
Adorable, right? I can basically see it fitting into any decor, anywhere. And since it has the U.S. map embroidered on it, people will stop referring to you as “that yellow-bellied commie bastard” and started referring to you as “the greatest American hero”.
How to Enter:
1) Leave me a comment. Tell me about the other pillows you own or what position you sleep in at night or whatever you want. Make sure you fill out the field in the comment form with your e-mail address so I can write to you when you win.
2) Like my Unapologetically Mundane Facebook page for an extra entry. Just comment separately and let me know you’ve Liked it. If you’ve Liked it previously like a good blogfriend, you can still get the extra entry if you leave a comment telling me so.
3) Tweet about my giveaway on Twitter for yet another extra entry. Just include my Twitter handle, @ettible, and say whatever else you like. Leave a separate comment to let me know you’re a follower.
Have I mentioned that the comments all need to be separate? It’s so you’ll have a better chance to win. More entries = more chances.
I’ll let random.org choose a number for me next Friday. Good luck!
Poo-Pourri
Filed under potty mouth
Poo-Pourri: potpourri for your poo.
This is my dad, demonstrating the face my stepmom makes in response to his bathroom dealings and the reason she bought this for him for Christmas.
The Formula for Style Blog Success
Filed under my uber-confrontational personality
Something got me started on craft and style blogs late last year. Despite being a total androgyne and not having any access to/room for crafting supplies, I like looking at the pretty things other women are making, the pretty things they’re wearing, the pretty things they’re decorating their spacious out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere houses with.
But man, those things can tire me out pretty quickly. There seems to be a formula for them, and this is it:
1) Blog names involving animals: Kittenbear, Saturated Canary, Dainty Squid
2) Cutesy words for everything: “love this cardi”, “swooning over these sunnies” (that’s cardigan and sunglasses, for those of you who don’t read stylespeak)
3) Faux-awkward clothes-modeling poses that have obviously taken the “America’s Next Top Model” advice to “try to look like a broken-down doll” way too much to heart
4) Opening up a shop to sell handmade or thrifted items, usually on Etsy but more preferably at Renegade Craft Fair but even more preferably in a 1949 Airstream camper painted pink with white trim:
photo by Little Chief Honeybee, whom I actually really like despite my fun-making
5) Being very young or trying to act like it: dressing up their Blythe dolls, owning everything rainbow-colored, loving hearts and sparkles and baby pandas
6) Describing themselves as “awkward”. Or “wonderfully awkward”. Or “adorably awkward”. (I AM ACTUALLY AWKWARD! You have 15,000 Facebook subscribers who are trying to mold themselves into you!)
7) Closing every post with an image that says “love, [whatever cutesy name the blogger has, because they’re all cutesy]” in a signature font:
8) Having long lists of “likes” in their sidebars that include puppies, cuddling, and a dessert of some sort
9) Inserting their URLs at the end of every comment, making it clear that they’re only commenting to plug themselves:
10) Strategically moving nearest to the thrift store in town that always manages to have designer clothes with their tags still on, mismatched but perfectly coordinated vintage plates that will be glued together to make a cupcake tower, and an array of mason jars dating from 1885 to present, all bedbug-free
Of course there are plenty of really original craft and style blogs, including some awesome personal blogs that I read daily. And I know that people complain about the fact that blogging women apparently have nothing to talk about but the clothes they wear and the homes they make, but even the most militantly feminist among us is still pinning cake pops and salad-in-a-jar recipes on Pinterest.
Even I have a little Kittenbear inside of me trying to get out.
