Long Weekend in Ohio

Posted by katie ett on September 20, 2012 – 12:00 pm
Filed under no i really do love ohio

I’m leaving tonight to spend the next four days in OHIO. My plans are as follows:

Tonight: arrive at the airport at 10 p.m. and get whisked away by my BFF, Tracey, to one of several fast food joints I don’t have access to in NYC. Steak ‘n Shake, Taco Bell, and Arby’s are strong contenders. Go back to her house, put on a shit-ton of gaudy of makeup, and go dancing with our friend Kim at Skully’s for Ladies 80s night, where I will want to hear The Cure, Tracey will want to hear anything she can play air saxophone or flute to, and Kim will rap along to every single lyric of every single 80s hiphop song. Arrive back at Tracey’s at 3 a.m., reeking of sweat and with “I’m Too Sexy” ringing in our ears.

Friday: hopefully spend the entire day stuck on Tracey’s couch, watching reruns of something like “Breaking Bad” or “The Killing”, stopping only to drive down the street in our pajamas to Dairy Queen. Revel in the fact that neither of us have kids and can therefore be totally selfish with our time. Drive down to our hometown for a photoshoot with our elementary school friend Stephanie and her family in the massive woodlands nearby. Say hi to my dad as he shells corn in a combine on one of our farms and possibly hitch a ride with him for a few rounds, reliving one of my favourite childhood memories. Go to Caffé DaVinci to relive another favourite memory, eating this, and then see our friends Erin and Jenn for a game of Cards Against Humanity, which makes Apples to Apples seem as dull as Go Fish.

Saturday: hang out with Tracey aaaaall day, then hang out with my family–including my little sister, who will be driving up from Kentucky–aaaaall night.

Sunday: possibly go to church with my family to see all of the people I used to see every Sunday for the first eighteen years of my life. Go to my great-aunt and -uncle’s sixtieth wedding anniversary, where I’ll play a pivotal role as punch bowl girl.

Monday: hang out with my great-aunt and -uncle aaaaall day, proving that I am the greatest faux-granddaughter and deserve all of the love and attention and homemade red velvet cake. Go back to NYC and nap.

Thoroughly Thorough

Posted by katie ett on September 19, 2012 – 12:45 pm
Filed under narcissism

Boy, I’ve been such a bad blogger lately. It seems like there’s more to write about than ever, but I never have the time to write it, and for a few weeks now, I’ve been wondering why. At first, I thought it might be because I’ve been chatting with Cassie nearly every day, all day. Then I thought it might be because I’ve been taking so many pictures and have really been loving the editing process. But then I realized that no, it’s just because I’m a freak who can’t be trusted with the Internet.

It hit me today, when I was trying to pick out matching earrings for my BFF, Tracey, and me. I’m going home for the Circleville Pumpkin Show next month and wanted to make a tradition of bringing pumpkin earrings for Tracey and me to wear on the maaaaany days we’ll go to eat carnival food. So I went to Etsy. And an hour and forty-five minutes later, I emerged with links to about twenty pairs that I like.

(The picture of last’s years earrings is incredibly creepy and 80s, don’t you think?)

Pumpkin Earrings

And it’s the same with anything Internet-related I do. My cousin’s wife announced recently that she’s selling Scentsy products now, and upon hearing this, I spent an entire day Googling what Scentsy is, whether they’re electric or candle-powered, and what the different kinds of wax tarts are. Then, when I actually decided to buy one, I looked at 90% of the Internet to make sure there wasn’t a non-Scentsy warmer I liked better. Then I checked Etsy to see what kinds of homemade tarts crafters are selling. And then I ultimately bought a Scentsy warmer and tarts, just like I should have done eight hours earlier.

When Clinique recently discontinued the T-Zone Shine Control gel-to-powder stuff I use to keep my nose not-shiny throughout the day, I swear I spent a week Googling replacements and asking for help from Kinard. I ended up at Sephora, where I got samples that didn’t work at all. And then I Googled some more and ended up putting Monistat Chafing Relief Powder-Gel on my face against all of my better sensibilities, but that didn’t work, either. And so I Googled some more and probably joined every makeup review site on the Internet in the process. I still didn’t find what I’m looking for at any of those, so you know I’m going to end up trying bull semen or frog urine or something as I reach farther and farther into the depths of the Internet for suggestions.

I’m not obsessive. I’m just thorough.

Ending Line-Ditching on the Subway Platform

Posted by katie ett on September 17, 2012 – 12:00 pm
Filed under fun times on the subway

While watching a rerun episode of “Tosh.0” recently, I saw this video of a man falling asleep at a bus stop and then falling to the ground as the glass door he was leaning against opened to allow passengers on and off the bus.

I wasn’t repulsed by the man who stepped over him, because honestly, I’m not touching someone too out of it to realize he just hit the ground, either. And I didn’t celebrate the guy who immediately ran over to aid him, because I figure that guy was the friend who got the falling guy drunk and allowed him to wear those socks. All I could think was how much I wanted to see glass doors like that on the subway platforms.

Just imagine it: a barrier ensuring you could never be hit by an oncoming train after some crazy person bumps into you and knocks you onto the tracks. No one leaning out over the tracks to see if a train is approaching and blocking your view. No trash on the tracks catching fire and causing traffic to stop. Sure, it’d mean no more endless amusement from those videos of mothers letting go of their strollers for just a second and having to jump onto the tracks to save their barely-loved babies, but I’d be willing to deal with that.

Read the rest here!

Happy Sixth Anniversary!

Posted by katie ett on September 14, 2012 – 12:00 pm
Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession

Dearest Kameroon,

Being with you is so fine that you’ve ruined my appetite for everyone else! You’re a five-star Yelp rating, and all other boys are a 2.5 (and they’re only rated that highly because a bunch of tourists from Ohio who didn’t know any better wrote glowing reviews). You’re as lowbrow as Oh! Taisho and as highbrow as Le Bernardin, as cool as Ko and as silly as Mars 2112. Even on your saltiest days, you’re still only as gross as a pickle end.

You are the smoked salmon to my cream cheese, the oyster to my caviar, the jalapeño sauce to my hen-of-the-woods. You are a Sauternes with foie gras and a Lola duck terrine with the finest 2009 Prüm. I want to spread you on Parmesan lavash and eat you with some tomato tea. And then take a kitchen tour and poop you out into a liquid nitrogen cocktail so I can enjoy you all over again.

Who I became over these past six years is made up of you. I don’t regret a moment of what we’ve done together, only that we didn’t get to do more.

Love,
Your Katie-Kay

Buy My Prints at Society6!

Posted by katie ett on September 12, 2012 – 4:00 pm
Filed under photography

I’ve recently been trying to coerce my blogfriend Lisa of Elembee to use her incredible design skills to create a new Ettible Photography logo for me. And by that, I mean I wrote to her and said, “Please give me some advice about my logo, but do not under any circumstances spend any time making one for me.” And she said, “Okay, cool,” and then promptly started work on the logo of my dreams.

She also encouraged me to join Society6, a website where artists can sell their prints to their adoring public. Mrs. Bachelor Girl and Cassie have both mentioned print-selling to me in the past (god bless you both), but the idea of setting up an Etsy store and printing the photos myself and shipping them out myself overwhelmed me. Well, Society6 prints on-demand and then ships to your customers for you, so I basically just have to post my photos and watch the dollahs roll in.

So, I have a Society6 store, which I’m going to link you to now with this giant logo:

I had some affliction when it came to pricing, because I assume my customer base is my friends, and I want to charge y’all, like, a buck-ninety-five. But Society6 has a base price of a million dollars per print plus a percentage of whatever I set my price as, so I have to charge a million and a half dollars just to make a cent. My much more cutthroat co-workers informed me that I should leave you all in the dust and aim for a clientele full of eccentric billionaires, so I tried for a middle ground that’s affordable for you but will still let non-you people know that I consider myself legit.

Oh, gosh, just talking about this is making me feel dirty.

Anyway, I’m slowly filling my store, so keep watching it if you’re in the market for an Ettible Photography original. And now through September 16th, you can get FREE INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING on any order of my prints using this link.

My prints. Not anyone else’s. Don’t look around the rest of the site.

Thank you for your support, pals!