Category Archives: no i really do love ohio

Great Moments in Ohio Thanksgiving History 2010

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1) My stepsister, Jenny, spoke up during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and said, “Katie, I want your name in the Christmas gift exchange this year!” I was surprised, because I only see Jenny 8 or 9 times during the year and wondered how she possibly not only knew what to get me but was also excited about it. And then she reminded me of the Christmas list I posted right before I came home and thought she could handle my extensive wants.

2) My best friend, Tracey’s, new temporary-until-someone-hires-her-to-use-her-Master’s-degree job is at this frou-frou scrapbooking store with a workroom for customers. I thought her having to work instead of sitting at home with me all day was going to impede our usual fun-making, but it turns out I’m really good at getting stuff done on my four-years-with-Kamran scrapbook when she just pops in every now and then to say hello instead of entertaining me nonstop with cats and children’s movies in her home scrapbooking room.

3) And her working at the store and my being there for hours at a time with her totally put us in the mood to look at our old scrapbooks, one of which is The Kissing Book, which chronicles all of the toads we had to tongue until we met our current princes. We went through each page, told stories about each boy, and were kind of grossed out to find our little black hearts filled with love when we got to her husband’s page and then Kamran’s. It turns out we actually sort of like the boys we’re with.

4) Tracey and I went to visit our other best friend from high school, Katie, whose baby is one of the happiest I’ve ever met. Katie really knows how to grow some of the cutest kids around, but apparently at least one of them is a vampire:

Vampire Baby
Right? The flash on her tongue totally looks like teeth.

5) Noel Cordle met Tracey and me for dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, which she had unbelievably never been to before. We had a really great time talking about in-laws, polygamy, and the things you can’t say on your blog, but I got kind of concerned at the end that Tracey and I were talking way too much about ourselves. I’m pretty sure every sentence started with “when we were in high school” and ended with “and that’s why my mom thought we were lesbians”. Sorry, Noel!

6) It was my family’s week to light the Advent candles at church that Sunday, so I read some Bible verses to the church and then spent the next 20 minutes fighting back tears as we sang praise songs. I have no idea why church music makes my cry–sentimental childhood feelings or horrible guilt?

7) My cousin, Ethan, and his wife, Katherine, threw a party for me and told me to invite anyone I wanted. I guess they thought I’d make it some swingin’ bash, but I just invited Ethan’s parents, his sister, and their family friend who became one of my good friends when we all roomed together in college. Oops. It was a great excuse, though, for us to sit around and talk about that year on Worthington Street when my car got spraypainted and I didn’t thank Ethan for cleaning it off for me, when a bird flew in through the chimney in his room and he broke his TV in trying to get it out, when someone lit the dumpster outside our house on fire and we made friends with the neighbors while waiting for the firetrucks, and when Ethan’s sister threw out his bag of ice because it was taking up too much of the freezer and he had to walk down the scary alley to the Taco Bell in the middle of the night for a refreshing drink. I swear we didn’t live in the ghetto. But close.

They Changed the Name from Stuffing to Dressing to Make It Sound Less Dirty

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I’m in Ohio for Thanksgiving!

While there, I plan to:

• sleep in my own bed and actually spend time with my family now that my best friend, Tracey, finished grad school, got a job, and can’t stay up until 4 a.m. with me every night.

• have Thanksgiving meals with my stepmom’s family, my mom’s side of the family, and my dad’s side of the family within a span of 6 hours. All of them will involve entirely different menus that are traditional to each family, meaning that I’ll be forced to eat pecan pie, pumpkin roll, and old-fashioned cream pie just so I don’t appear rude. Oh, the hardships of the dedicated gourmand.

• try to think of awesome things to put on my Christmas list for my dad’s side of the family but ultimately just write

• eat dinner with Noel Cordle at The Cheesecake Factory, WHERE SHE HAS NEVER EATEN BEFORE.

• not shop on Friday, except possibly online, where I’ll be earning double cash back by using Ebates. (See what I did there?)

Oh, friends, it’s going to be a great time. Until I have to be at the airport at 4:30 a.m. on Monday.

And Now I’ll PROBABLY Stop Talking About the Pumpkin Show

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Just to welcome in Halloween on a high note, here are my two favourite Circleville Pumpkin Show photos of all:

And now I’m going home to enjoy . . . wait, really, enjoy? . . . okay, yes, enjoy a nonstop horror movie marathon with Kamran. Don’t eat any razorbladed candy, kids!

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010!

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Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
104 years of celebrating pumpkins, people.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
And celebrating deep-fried everything, of course.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
Do you think the very first Pumpkin Show was full of corndogs and chocolate-covered frozen cheesecake on a stick?

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
Or do you think they just stood around and worshipped the giant gourd? (This year’s was the largest ever!)

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
That’s right. 1600 pounds of pure pumpkin.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
It’s certainly changed from when Tracey and I first started going as kids. There are now BLACK PEOPLE there. And people speaking SPANISH. And this guy, whom I spotted almost as soon as we got there the first day.

“Serious or ironic?!”, I whispered to Tracey when I saw the back of his jacket. “Oh, my god, we have to find out,” she replied, a mischievous gleam in her eye. And then he turned around, and he was wearing a vest and tie. And then his boyfriend walked up. Swoon, swoon, swoon.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
Some things will always be the same, though, like this ancient carousel that shows up every year.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
And like the display of the outfit belonging to the current Miss Pumpkin Show. (When I showed my diverse group of co-workers the photos of the past Miss Pumpkin Shows, one of them said, “They’re all white!” And I was like, “I’m sorry, this surprises you somehow?”

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
It was the 10th anniversary of Tracey dragging her friends Justin and Dayna to the Show to eat wildly inappropriate-looking fruits-made-unhealthy,

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
so she made them some adorable commemorative pumpkin pins.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
Whether we planned to or not, we ran into absolutely everyone we knew in the three days we went to the Pumpkin Show, including my cousin Bethany and her brother’s baby daughter, Kaydence. Don’t fear; I have an entire series of photos of Bethany peeking out from behind the foods we ate, all creepy-eyed like that, which I’ll post over at donuts4dinner.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
I have a long history with the Circleville Pumpkin Show, you know. Why, my great-aunt was even featured on a magazine devoted entirely to it back when she was a mere girl.

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010
But I have an even longer history with Pickaway County itself, which is celebrating 200 years of existence this year.

And I’m sure glad it exists.

STDs are Taking Over the Squash Family

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Last year, there was the pumpkin anus:

This year, it was full-on

PUMPKIN HERPES.