Currently browsing narcissism posts — Unapologetically Mundane

Category Archives: narcissism

Pinch Day!

Posted by plumpdumpling on October 11, 2011 – 12:00 pm

My dad, always a little too quick to torture my sister and me when we were kids, probably invented Pinch Day one year when he realized he’d spoiled us with too many gifts yet again. It’s the day after your birthday, the day when everyone can make up for how nicely they treated you the day before by pinching the crap out of you.

Similarly always a little too quick to torture, I’m sure I introduced my best friend, Tracey, to Pinch Day quite soon after we became inseparable in 7th grade. And since she’s the perfect best friend, she had these flowers sent to me at work yesterday:

with this note:

How personal and sweet, right?

My roommate/landlord/co-worker, Jack, recently wrote me this little questionnaire while I was on the phone with Tracey one day:

And it’s true–TV, movies, and leading insanely interesting lives does fuel our conversations. But just plain loving each other for almost 30 years doesn’t hurt anything. Thanks for making my Pinch Day special, Tracey!

It’s My Birthday, and I’m a Princess

Posted by katie ett on October 7, 2011 – 12:00 pm

Filed under narcissism
Tagged as narcissism

This weekend is my birthday. I usually throw myself an elaborate party just so my friends will be forced to dance, but this year, Kamran and I are just planning a nice, quiet lunch at Per Se. And by “nice, quiet lunch”, I mean the extended tasting menu. It will hopefully include:

• so much caviar and roe that I’ll spawn baby fishes in my stomach and pee out a hatchery later in my toilet

• truffles equal in value to the GDP of some of the wealthier small African countries

• enough drink pairings to put me to sleep so that I wake up just in time to have fully digested the meal and can down a dozen doughnuts

• a table overlooking Central Park, because if they seat me away from the windows, so help me god, I will downgrade their donuts4dinner.com rating to a 4.5 SO FAST they won’t even have time to ply me with take-home giftbags full of notepads and baked goods

Just kidding.

But it’s going to be awesome.

I’ve also requested that Kamran re-create the chocolate room from my very favourite movie of all time, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, so that I can bite the ears off gummy bears, drink myself sick on fat-boy-laden chocolate milk, and lick some cocaine paste off the tops of mushrooms. That’s what that was, right?

He claims that it ain’t gonna happen, but I’m pretty sure this is me in about 24 hours:

Boys Don’t Make Passes at Girls in Grandma Glasses

Posted by katie ett on September 20, 2011 – 12:00 pm

Filed under narcissism, stuff i like
Tagged as narcissism, stuff i like

I’ve been wearing the same pair of glasses since, like, forever. I still like them, the prescription still works for me, and I don’t wear glasses that often, anyway. Also I am cheap. So when my vision insurance offers to pay for either my contacts or my glasses, I always go with the contacts.

And then I found out that you can buy glasses online for ridiculously cheap. Like, ridiculously. I’d been thinking about clear glasses for a while and how they would look so freaking good on me, so I called my Ohio eye doctor for my prescription tout de suite. (I felt a little bad not buying my glasses straight from him, but then I remembered that clear glasses don’t exist in Ohio.) I picked out a pair and showed them to Kamran, who promptly told me that only grandmas wear clear glasses.

Well, if that’s true, then I’m one foxy grandma, right?

j/k. One of my friends actually called them “BCs” in the Hamptons this weekend. When I asked her what that means, she said, “Birth control glasses. Nobody’s gonna get you pregnant in those.”

I was like, “If I went to Williamsburg in these, I’d get raped in a second.” Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Not Colonial Williamsburg. You know what I mean. But yeah, I really do look like a grandma here, right?

But a really sweet grandma who makes cookies and crochets and doesn’t call anybody a whore, though.

If you want some (non-grandma) glasses of your own, I recommended EyeBuyDirect.com, and if you use code IF5Q63MJE6, you get 15% off your first order, and I get some dollars to help me buy another pair that will actually make boys like me!

Pass Me the Black Eyeliner

Posted by katie ett on September 8, 2011 – 12:00 pm

Filed under narcissism, stuff i like
Tagged as narcissism, stuff i like

When I wore my insanely rad FableAndFury two-headed deer necklace the other day, multiple people commented that they’re pretty sure it’s just two deer standing beside each other: