Category Archives: holidays don’t suck for me

Refuse, Facial Hair, and Shameless Flattery

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I realize I didn’t say goodbye to you guys, but I’m sure it wasn’t hard for you to figure out that I left on the 22nd of December for Christmas in Ohio and returned to NYC this past weekend to lots of this:


Yeah, that’s trash covered in snow. But they’re recyclables! So that makes it okay.

But also a boyfriend who’d hottly grown out his beard because he’s out out of school and off of work for the next two months to study for the Bar Exam:

And a few lingering Christmas trees not-hidden behind frosted glass:

Now I need to go get caught up on your lives. Did Bachelor Girl give an in-depth account of the events leading up to her notorious Christmas card? Did Serial and Kinard become BFFs behind my back? Is Cristy a medical transcriptioner yet? Did the Super Bowl happen, and was Bluz there to wreak havoc? Has Jessica had her baby yet (I think she has, like, 12 weeks to go, but WHO KNOWS)? And what about Tessa and Julie and Kim and . . .

I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas

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Earlier this week, I walked into work, and to my delight, one of the giant fake gifts under the giant fake Christmas tree in the lobby started skidding across the floor toward me, following me as I walked toward the elevators.

Clearly this is a sign that majorly awesome presents are coming my way in the next couple of weeks.

Or that it was really windy that day.

Great Moments in Ohio Thanksgiving History 2010

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1) My stepsister, Jenny, spoke up during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and said, “Katie, I want your name in the Christmas gift exchange this year!” I was surprised, because I only see Jenny 8 or 9 times during the year and wondered how she possibly not only knew what to get me but was also excited about it. And then she reminded me of the Christmas list I posted right before I came home and thought she could handle my extensive wants.

2) My best friend, Tracey’s, new temporary-until-someone-hires-her-to-use-her-Master’s-degree job is at this frou-frou scrapbooking store with a workroom for customers. I thought her having to work instead of sitting at home with me all day was going to impede our usual fun-making, but it turns out I’m really good at getting stuff done on my four-years-with-Kamran scrapbook when she just pops in every now and then to say hello instead of entertaining me nonstop with cats and children’s movies in her home scrapbooking room.

3) And her working at the store and my being there for hours at a time with her totally put us in the mood to look at our old scrapbooks, one of which is The Kissing Book, which chronicles all of the toads we had to tongue until we met our current princes. We went through each page, told stories about each boy, and were kind of grossed out to find our little black hearts filled with love when we got to her husband’s page and then Kamran’s. It turns out we actually sort of like the boys we’re with.

4) Tracey and I went to visit our other best friend from high school, Katie, whose baby is one of the happiest I’ve ever met. Katie really knows how to grow some of the cutest kids around, but apparently at least one of them is a vampire:

Vampire Baby
Right? The flash on her tongue totally looks like teeth.

5) Noel Cordle met Tracey and me for dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, which she had unbelievably never been to before. We had a really great time talking about in-laws, polygamy, and the things you can’t say on your blog, but I got kind of concerned at the end that Tracey and I were talking way too much about ourselves. I’m pretty sure every sentence started with “when we were in high school” and ended with “and that’s why my mom thought we were lesbians”. Sorry, Noel!

6) It was my family’s week to light the Advent candles at church that Sunday, so I read some Bible verses to the church and then spent the next 20 minutes fighting back tears as we sang praise songs. I have no idea why church music makes my cry–sentimental childhood feelings or horrible guilt?

7) My cousin, Ethan, and his wife, Katherine, threw a party for me and told me to invite anyone I wanted. I guess they thought I’d make it some swingin’ bash, but I just invited Ethan’s parents, his sister, and their family friend who became one of my good friends when we all roomed together in college. Oops. It was a great excuse, though, for us to sit around and talk about that year on Worthington Street when my car got spraypainted and I didn’t thank Ethan for cleaning it off for me, when a bird flew in through the chimney in his room and he broke his TV in trying to get it out, when someone lit the dumpster outside our house on fire and we made friends with the neighbors while waiting for the firetrucks, and when Ethan’s sister threw out his bag of ice because it was taking up too much of the freezer and he had to walk down the scary alley to the Taco Bell in the middle of the night for a refreshing drink. I swear we didn’t live in the ghetto. But close.

They Changed the Name from Stuffing to Dressing to Make It Sound Less Dirty

Filed under holidays don't suck for me, it's fun to be fat, no i really do love ohio
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I’m in Ohio for Thanksgiving!

While there, I plan to:

• sleep in my own bed and actually spend time with my family now that my best friend, Tracey, finished grad school, got a job, and can’t stay up until 4 a.m. with me every night.

• have Thanksgiving meals with my stepmom’s family, my mom’s side of the family, and my dad’s side of the family within a span of 6 hours. All of them will involve entirely different menus that are traditional to each family, meaning that I’ll be forced to eat pecan pie, pumpkin roll, and old-fashioned cream pie just so I don’t appear rude. Oh, the hardships of the dedicated gourmand.

• try to think of awesome things to put on my Christmas list for my dad’s side of the family but ultimately just write

• eat dinner with Noel Cordle at The Cheesecake Factory, WHERE SHE HAS NEVER EATEN BEFORE.

• not shop on Friday, except possibly online, where I’ll be earning double cash back by using Ebates. (See what I did there?)

Oh, friends, it’s going to be a great time. Until I have to be at the airport at 4:30 a.m. on Monday.

4th of July in Ohio (Featuring Bethany!)

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I’m notoriously bad about doing really exciting things and never posting about them, but luckily, I have my cousin to write me e-mails that say things like, “When you’re expecting to STAR in a WORLD-FAMOUS BLOG on the INTERNET, it’s tough to be patient.” This is for her:


Tracey shows off a sparkler amidst a backdrop of our matching Mmmerica! shirts with a flag made out of bacon and waffles.


Crazy Aunt Dort™ dishes up a slice of her famous chocolate cake and homemade ice cream in her deliciously 1970s kitchen.


Off-center fireworks shot posing as art


My cousin, Bethany, gets her punishment for coming in last at our game of croquet.


My cousin Alex displays his “muscles” while playing Cornhole with his dad.


A view of my childhood home from my grandparents’ backyard


Despite their stinkiness, dogs totally redeem themselves by looking forward to seeing you way too much.


Despite her stinkiness, Bethany totally redeems herself by talking her mom into committing heinous acts like this.

Like I said . . . Really. Exciting. Things.