Category Archives: all of my friends are prettier than i am

This is What Being Good Gets You

Posted by plumpdumpling on January 11, 2011 – 12:00 pm

Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, living in new york sucks so hard, restaurant ramblings
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, downtown brooklyn, living in new york sucks so hard

My roommate, Jack, and I stopped at the local Wendy’s recently to pick up a snack before heading home. A man sitting at the table just inside the door greeted us as we entered, but after being preyed upon countless times during my formative years here in NYC, I’ve trained myself to ignore anyone who might possibly try to pry what little money I have out of my grubby little Ohio hands. Jack, on the other hand, despite having lived here almost his entire life, somehow missed out on those teachings and shockingly turned to see what the man wanted. FOOL!!

Immediately noting the man’s homeless appearance, Jack tried to escape what was to come by innocently saying, “Let me just get my food.” But the guy had obviously been around the block once or twice and said, “Oh, god bless you, sir. Thank you, sir.” How could Jack resist a guilt trip like that?

By going out the back door–that’s how. When we spotted the alternative exit, it was like you could actually see the weight lifted off of Jack’s shoulders. He would simply grab his food, slip out the other door, and feel like he was off the hook just by virtue of inconvenience. Surely no one–even god–would expect him to walk all the way to the front of the restaurant just to hand over his money.

But as luck would have it, the guy apparently watched us work our way through the ten-minute line and then met us at the ketchup stand, where Jack was busy filling little paper cups with the manifestation of all our sins. “Thank you, sir,” he repeated. “God bless you, sir.” So of course Jack had to give him a dollar.

And wouldn’t you know it, when he got home and unpacked his nuggets, nestled at the bottom was one shaped like a heart.

Disneyland: Part 1

Posted by plumpdumpling on November 17, 2010 – 12:00 pm

Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, creepy boyfriend obsession, travels
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, creepy boyfriend obsession, disneyland, travels

It has been brought to my attention that I’m never being taken back to Disneyland again if I don’t post the photos from our trip while in California, so here you are, three months later.

We invited Kamran’s friends Gary and Diana along,

thinking that they might enjoy a trip to The Happiest Place on Earth™ without their two kids in tow. Little did we know that Gary and Diana are Disneyland experts and basically made our visit 100 times better than it would’ve been had we gone alone.

After following these fine folks all the way through Anaheim,

the first thing Gary made me do upon our arrival at the park

was stop by City Hall to tell them it was my birthday and get a special button that entitled me to an entire day of Disney employees being forced to joyfully wish me a happy birthday. Even the guys picking up trash were smiling and calling me by name. It really appealed to the famewhore part of me.

Then Gary ran around like a madman, picking up as many FASTPASS tickets as possible while the rest of us stood in line for the less-popular rides like the Jungle Cruise and The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh,

which was trippy as hell.

Pooh looks totally evil here, right?

It meant we were able to bypass the horrendous lines on rides like the Indiana Jones Adventure and Splash Mountain

and make little kids cry as they saw us jog past them and their weak little standing-in-line-for-more-than-an-hour legs. Kamran got a real kick out that, obviously.

No, really.

We saw the Sleeping Beauty Castle

and figured out that compared to Disney World’s Cinderella Castle, only the Seven Dwarfs could sleep here:

Although staying there is by invitation only, apparently, so even they probably couldn’t.
Stinky dwarf feet and all.

We went on Pirates of the Caribbean twice,

mostly to see this guy suggestively humping his canon:

Right? I’m not just imagining how dirty that is.

After seeing churros cart after churros cart,

we finally bought one, because I swear those things don’t exist at Disney World.

Also suggestive.

Along with cotton candy.

And a funnel cake.

Which gave Kamran the energy to conquer the feats of strength in Toontown. Which are of course meant for children.

Not that Kamran can in any way be considered adult.

MORE TO COME!

Circleville Pumpkin Show 2010!

Posted by plumpdumpling on October 28, 2010 – 12:00 pm

Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, it's fun to be fat, no i really do love ohio
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, circleville pumpkin show, it's fun to be fat, no i really do love ohio

104 years of celebrating pumpkins, people.

And celebrating deep-fried everything, of course.

Do you think the very first Pumpkin Show was full of corndogs and chocolate-covered frozen cheesecake on a stick?

Or do you think they just stood around and worshipped the giant gourd? (This year’s was the largest ever!)

That’s right. 1600 pounds of pure pumpkin.

It’s certainly changed from when Tracey and I first started going as kids. There are now BLACK PEOPLE there. And people speaking SPANISH. And this guy, whom I spotted almost as soon as we got there the first day.

“Serious or ironic?!”, I whispered to Tracey when I saw the back of his jacket. “Oh, my god, we have to find out,” she replied, a mischievous gleam in her eye. And then he turned around, and he was wearing a vest and tie. And then his boyfriend walked up. Swoon, swoon, swoon.

Some things will always be the same, though, like this ancient carousel that shows up every year.

And like the display of the outfit belonging to the current Miss Pumpkin Show. (When I showed my diverse group of co-workers the photos of the past Miss Pumpkin Shows, one of them said, “They’re all white!” And I was like, “I’m sorry, this surprises you somehow?”

It was the 10th anniversary of Tracey dragging her friends Justin and Dayna to the Show to eat wildly inappropriate-looking fruits-made-unhealthy,

so she made them some adorable commemorative pumpkin pins.

Whether we planned to or not, we ran into absolutely everyone we knew in the three days we went to the Pumpkin Show, including my cousin Bethany and her brother’s baby daughter, Kaydence. Don’t fear; I have an entire series of photos of Bethany peeking out from behind the foods we ate, all creepy-eyed like that, which I’ll post over at donuts4dinner.

I have a long history with the Circleville Pumpkin Show, you know. Why, my great-aunt was even featured on a magazine devoted entirely to it back when she was a mere girl.

But I have an even longer history with Pickaway County itself, which is celebrating 200 years of existence this year.

And I’m sure glad it exists.

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  I'm Katie, a farmgirl originally from Ohio who moved to NYC in 2005 for no apparent reason. I like vintage-looking things that are actually new, filagree everything, people who don't make me feel awkward, meaning it when I say "no sleep till Brooklyn", and not trying too hard.

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