Category Archives: a taste for tv

It’s Me and My DVR Against the World

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Kamran’s about to start his third year of law school, and I’m ten seconds from breaking up with his ass every weekday when I find myself alone at his apartment, eagerly awaiting his arrival instead of going out with my friends or spending time with my roommate, because I’m so pathetically in love with him. So after two years of begging him to get a DVR so I’ll have something to hold me between the hours of 6 p.m. and 9 p.m., he finally went and did it two weekends ago.

My best friend’s husband said, “Welcome to 2002!”, but I’m going to ignore the naysayers and maintain my amazement at how new and different life is when I don’t have to plan it around TV. It used to be that if I wanted to spend time at my own apartment, where there’s neither cable nor Internet because my roommate is such a cheapskate, godlovehim, I had to go on a night when there wasn’t anything on cable. And there’s always something on cable, you know? So I basically never spent any time at my own apartment.

But NOW . . . well, I’m still not going to spend any time at my apartment, but now it’s because there’s always something on the DVR. Of course, up until last night when we realized that only one episode of “Colbert” was being saved, I apparently didn’t know how to use the thing, but that’s not the point. I still have enough “Mad Men”, and Kamran enough “Sopranos” to last a lifetime. I would have probably never seen the last episode of “The Sopranos” without the DVR, actually. And now I realize why everyone was so up in arms about it.

And the pausing live TV! Kamran and I do laundry every Sunday night, and we always end up putting it off too long, so by the time we really have to do it or sleep on dirty sheets, we’re smackdab in the middle of some show we love and have to race down to the basement of his building to the laundry room during commercials. But two weekends ago, in the midst of the “Next Food Network Star” finale, we simply paused the show and carried the laundry down at our leisure.


Look! He’s paused!

It’s weird how the lack of commercials really changes TV-watching, though. There’s no painful anticipation of what’s to come now that segments are mere seconds apart, much like watching entire seasons of “Lost” in one sitting. And shows like “Project Runway” that feel the need to repeat whatever was said right before the commercial break when they return suddenly seem extra-ridiculous. However, I’m really pleased at how my fast-forwarding timing skills are progressing.

The one unexpected negative side effect is that now Kamran knows he can have my undivided attention when he comes home from work. It used to be that when he told me he was leaving the office at 6:30 but actually left at 7:45, I could shush him when he walked in the door due to the important nature of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”. But now that he knows I can pause, he spends hours telling me whatever patent-related nonsense he feels like. Oh, the horror.

Why, Yes, You Can Place My Napkin on My Lap for Me, Mr. Fox

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Isn’t it ridiculous how something as simple as a reference to a seriously old TV show on a dinner reservation can totally make my day?

Although Matthew Fox is alive and well in my heart thanks to “Lost” marathons at Tracey’s apartment when I’m visiting Ohio and should be, you know, spending time with my family and changing out of my pajamas at some point in the day.

As If eHarmony Hasn’t Been Made Fun of Enough

Filed under a taste for tv, everyone's married but katie, good times at everyone else's expense, my uber-confrontational personality
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I know you’re supposed to be all happy for other couples when you’re in love, but yesterday, I found myself watching this commercial and thinking, “My greatest hope is that their relationship will end in a bitter, drag-out divorce”:

It’s the “I didn’t need the Internet back when I was into scoring random hos/hoes at bars, but my mom told me I need to keep it in my pants now” line that really makes me want to see him unhappy, I think.

Of course, I’ve always wanted to see these two fail miserably, but only because their painting o’ love is so sad. It includes a handprint, for God’s sake:

I swear I’m totally happy myself, though.

A Fruit by the Foot Commercial for the Ages

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While watching our favourite Canadian teen drama, Degrassi, from noon until 8 p.m. one day last week while I was visiting Ohio, Tracey and I luckily captured this Fruit by the Foot commercial on her DVR:

It’s sort of the worst recording ever, but the hilarity of the commercial cannot be diminished by screen lines or weird camera noises. Am I right?

Why Reco Will Be “The Fashion Show” Fan Favorite

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In last week’s episode of “The Fashion Show“, there was a situation where the contestants were asked to use famous designers from the past as inspiration for a new piece of their own. Anna from Brooklyn had won the mini-challenge at the beginning of the episode and was given the opportunity to choose which contestant had to use each of the famous designers, and my favourite (and favourite to hate) designer, Reco, felt slighted by her choice for him. The following resulted:

I only tell you this so you’ll understand when this quote comes out of my mouth in every other sentence:

My pimp friend Mike Lowrey tells me this is old hat, but he did teach me another phrase, “out of pocket”. He says it means “out of control, which leads to a ho getting pimp slapped (a super backhand smack from a pimp usually done with the strength of Thor).”

You’re welcome.