I saw this on Pinterest last night:
I hate unattributable inspirational quotes in general, but I love this one specifically.
I’ve been arguing with so many people lately (Jack) about how I have to be faking how well I’m dealing with Kamran’s physical absence from my life, but maybe I’m just gracefully letting go of something that wasn’t meant for me.
And if we’re being honest, the level at which I’m dealing with things varies from day to day. Sometimes, this life I’ve been living for the past almost-three months seems so normal to me it’s hard to remember that there was a time before I lived in my own apartment 100% of the time, before I did everything with Jack and Nik and Ash and Kim, before I had to wonder if I’ll ever find such a match again. But sometimes, I think about how I spent more than SIX YEARS knowing who My Person was, and now I don’t know anymore.
I mean, I guess My Uninterrupted Person is Tracey, my BFF since 7th grade. But we live states apart. And there was this moment on our Puerto Rico vacation last month when she wasn’t there and I thought everyone wanted to go horseback riding but me, and I just felt so alone for a moment, remembering that two months prior, I belonged to someone, and he belonged to me, and if I told him I felt weird about work animals, he would understand and would go to the pool with me instead, and he wouldn’t even mind missing out on the horseback riding because nothing felt better to him than supporting his Person.
I’ve loved so much, though, and have been so lucky in who’s loved me. How can I not gracefully accept my current circumstances when I’m so grateful for my past ones?
7 Comments
<3 I'm going to now claim to be a soul sister — I would have not ridden horses with you, too. Also, you've handled it very gracefully, at least publicly!
Trading all of my horseback-riding-loving friends in for you. I hope you can handle all of the PRESSURE TO SUPPORT that friendship with me entails.
Letting go gracefully sounds so beautiful and sweet, when in reality it’s torture for the person trying to do it. I hope that you have the grace to do so and to see how many people still love you.
I applaud your grace. That’s what it is ‘coz let’s face it, most people who let go like that have to fake it a little bit, no? Unless they didn’t care that much in the first place, or are made of stone.
I love that quote, and I dislike horses. I mean, to be clear, I think it’s fine if other people like horses (or I do now that I have friends who are legit horse people). I get that they’re pretty and stuff. They’re interesting creatures, but I don’t really like being near them. And as a result, they don’t like being near me.
I like the idea of gracefully letting go of things not meant for you, but I am pretty terrible at it. Even though I was the one who broke off my big LTR, and even though I knew it was coming for well over a year, I was still a WRECK. And when I got dumped (once) I cried for a week, even though the relationship had only been 6 months long. But I’m not very good at being alone. I think (maybe people with intact families are kind of bad at breaking up – my sister and I both have a habit of staying in relationships much longer than we should.
So, this might sound way too emo, but I wonder if big losses you’ve dealt with in your life (the obvious being your mom) make you just inherently better at saying goodbye?
1. I had to march in a parade behind a group of horses once (note: marching behind horses might be the only way to make actually appearing in a parade any worse).
2. The leading kind of bothers me here. I’m not sure why, because I know less than nothing about typography. Maybe I’m just pissed because there’s no cute kitten.
3. I get the feeling you are a much, much deeper person than I am (evidence: No. 1 and 2 above).
Just saw this quote on pinterest and it was attributed to Buddha. But who the hell knows for sure.