So, did anyone watch “Ready for Love”? It was an NBC matchmaking reality TV show that ended recently and was apparently canceled because only I am sappy enough to watch a series about three wildly successful and ridiculously handsome men who are each matched with twelve somewhat successful but still ridiculously good-looking women and have nine weeks to whittle down the group one-by-one to find the least-unfunny and least-unsmart of the group. Which is what love is.
I secretly thought it was a pretty great show. In that it’s teeeeerrifying to see grown people admit to what dating’s really like when you’re superficial. The matchmakers would meet with the women before their dates with the men every week and give them gems of advice such as:
• “Men don’t like humor. If you find yourself about to say something funny, keep your mouth shut and instead find a way to touch him.”
• “Never do anything to emasculate him. If he offers you his coat, take it whether you’re cold or not so he’ll feel like he’s taking care of you.
• “Flirt with your eyes. But also make him feel like he’s at home in them. But not an incestual home. Don’t become his sister.”
I strangely don’t remember a lot of “you’re perfect just the way you are, so if he doesn’t like that, screw him and his Honduran philanthropist self”, shockingly. And yet one of the guys–Tim Lopez, the frontman for the Plain White T’s (oh, god, the unnecessary apostrophe)–somehow ended up with the least-pretty girl there in his top 2. I guess he liked her personality somehow, even though her personality seemed to me like the classic Only Pretending to Care About Love to Get a Record Deal Out of Your Reality TV Appearance.
It was pretty clear from about episode 3 who each guy was going to choose, and then we had to sit through six more weeks of the guys “wrestling” with their “feelings” for the other women. And the moment the women didn’t reciprocate those somewhat shady feelings, they were sent home. So you’re vying with 11 other women for the affection of one dude who’s telling all of you that he’s feeling the exact same feelings for you each in turn, but if you hesitate to fall in love with him in the interest of preserving your heart, you’re not putting your back into it, and you’re out. Okay.
The one brilliant move of the show was made by said Honduran philanthropist, who recognized whom he ultimately wanted to end up with when he had three women left, sent two of them home one week, and rose from underneath the stage in his glass box (this is real life) alone. He then proceeded to awkwardly but all-the-same-impressively climb the 40-foot-high structure where they line the women up at the end of each show (also real life) to be with his lady. And then they spent the finale episode just, like, hanging out together and looking pretty bored while the other guys got to make grand gestures of love to their chosen women.
But anyway. It was OBVIOUS that Plain White Unnecessary Apostrophe was going to choose this woman Sara, who was certainly pretty enough but not even in the same league as the other women, who were genuinely Miss Americas and stuff. Her features were severe, and when she smiled, she looked like a cartoon rendering of a gargoyle. She was also one of those people who isn’t fat but somehow just carries her weight badly, youknowwhatImean?
But she had this great backstory about being engaged to a guy who fought cancer for three and a half years, and she stuck by him the entire time, and that means Plain White Unnecessary Apostrophe could really count on her to stick with him through the tough times. Like when his band only has that one semi-hit. Or when he cheats on her with his cutoff-shorts-wearing friends, who call themselves the Buffalo Club and are sooooo gay together.
Week after week, I thought he was going to send her home for her pug nose, but he kept keeping her and kept talking about how deep their connection was. The world didn’t make sense, but I of course wasn’t upset about it, and I finally gave in and decided to like them together. When it got down to the final 2, I was pretty appalled at how he was clearly in love with Sara but continued to make out with Jenna, who was younger and even blonder and just all-around hotter despite her taste in purple chiffon rhinestoned dresses.
I felt pretty bad for Sara, who would be married to Plain White Unnecessary Apostrophe soon and would have to look back at the show and watch her husband enjoy this one. last. chance. to more or less cheat on her with the better-looking, more-fun woman whom he liked enough to keep around until the final 2 and would therefore live in his mind as the one who could’ve been, the one he let get away, once he gets bored with all of the cancer-fiancé deep-feelings talk.
So Tim took Sara down to the underground garden (totally real life) in the finale to reveal whether she was his pick or not, and she accidentally said something about the rest of their life together before she realized that could be pretty embarrassing if he didn’t end up choosing her, but of COURSE he was going to choose her, because he’s a sensitive rockstar and she wrote a goddamned song for him.
AND THEN HE CHOSE THE HOT GIRL.
The end.
21 Comments
I am so glad I was not aware of this show because had I watched it my brain would have exploded into a million little pieces.
But in a good way, right? You’re so ready for love, KK.
The apostrophe is actually legit.
Legit in that it’s really how they write their name. But not correct.
Sure it is. In the case of letters (such as grades), an apostrophe can indicate a plural. That’s the ONLY time it’s OK. I’d prefer they just spelled it “tees,” but it IS, after all, short for “tees” or “t-shirts,” in which case it is representing missing letter or letters.
I’m Chicago style forever and always, and it’ll allow you an apostrophe in the case of a lowercase single letter, but this ain’t lowercase.
Feh. Agree to disagree. I’m a descriptivist anyway, so it’s hard to tell me anything is wrong.
I’m both 200% Wittgensteinian and 200% THE RULES ARE THE ONLY THING KEEPING SOCIETY FROM IMPLODING. Thanks for realizing what the important part of this post was, though.
I need a Like button for this conversation.
Katie, despite her abhorrent taste in stylebooks, is correct. F that apostrophe.
I cannot get over how creepy/awesome this advice is. “Flirt with your eyes. But also make him feel like he’s at home in them. But not an incestual home. Don’t become his sister.”
Um, that may have been my interpretation of what she said. I’m not POSITIVE incest was actually mentioned. But it seems pretty likely.
Now, you’re the one who should be writing Bachelorette recaps!! I never bothered with Ready for Love because I have too much other shitty TV to watch. At this point I am so bored with the bachelorette I went ahead and googled every single spoiler and now I know who wins. And actually, knowing who wins is sort of fun, because then you can be all, him? But why?
I wiiiiiiish you had watched it. I love it so much more than “The Bachelor”, and I don’t know why. Better music? More people in general, so I’m less likely to find all of them douchey?
I can know all of the spoilers already?! How is the world so good?
So how do you feel about “The Mowgli’s?”
… but what if I wanted to watch on Netflix?
Purple chiffon always makes my butt look big.
Just saying.
And see, this is why I try to watch TV as little as possible and reality TV NEVER, because I don’t need any help not having any faith whatsoever in the human race.
(Although I do hereby admit I enjoyed this synopsis way more than I probably should have.)
Alright, so I imagined you telling me this story at a hipster coffee shop where you, with your sweet whispery voice getting all excited and high pitched at the end, where you throw in a SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY.
So, YOU were the other one that watched this show. I thought it was just me. Yes, I am not surprised but am disappointed that Tim ended up with young-hottie-whose-hobby-is-to-celebrate-talk-like-a-pirate-day. ‘Cuz, you know, that will bind them together forever. But, actually, I lost interest in his search for love when he let Funny Girl go. She was awesome! And, yes, the matchmaker’s constant chastising of her humor was off-base–as was much of their advice. Still….why can’t I stop watching these ridiculous shows?
“Men don’t like humor. If you find yourself about to say something funny, keep your mouth shut and instead find a way to touch him.” – Oh. Dying alone.
So do you think he was going to pick the hot girl all along, but the other one was a producer’s daughter or “good tv” or something so he was instructed to keep her around for so long? Because I do.