It’s an Ohio picture party, and you’re invited! Meaning that you’re obligated to compliment both my family’s and friends’s appearances and my skill in photographing them! You’ll want to look away, but you won’t be able to! THE OHIO DRAWS YOU CLOSER.
My BFF, Tracey, and I went dancing with our friend Kim on Thursday night mere moments after I arrived, as planned, and then Tracey and I spent the next two days doing whatever the hell we wanted to. My dad was busy in the fields shelling corn way ahead of schedule due to this summer’s drought and my sister was stuck working in Kentucky, so I slept in Katie’s Room at Tracey’s house (sheets embroidered with my name forthcoming), and then we woke up both mornings to lazily drink coffee (a first for us), watch “Parks and Recreation” (a second for us), and eat Dairy Queen, Arby’s, or usually both. We visited her husband’s favourite Italian restaurant that may be mine, too, and she showed me her office for the first time since getting her new job. Our friends Erin and Jenn came over for Cards Against Humanity, and I laughed so hard I choked on the ridiculously sweet wine we finished in a matter of moments. Because apparently we are adults now who drink wine and entertain people and DO WHAT WE WANT. Bliss.
Saturday night, I went to my aunt’s surprise party, where I saw half of my family and half of our hometown. I was reminded of just how Ohio State-y everyone is:
But I’m not complaining, because it was SO UNBELIEVABLY WINDY and cold that night, and I had come from tropical NYC in a short-sleeved shirt, so my cousin Bethany lent me a hoodie. Mine wasn’t OSU but “real doctors treat more than one animal”, because she’s a vet.
We ate the giantest hot dogs I’ve ever seen and buckeyes and birthday cake until the sun went down, and then my uncle really got the bonfire going, which resulted in these terribly creepy pictures that make us look like lonely hill people:
Sorry, not that my aunt looks like a hill person. But my cousin Karl certainly does while photobombing Bethany and my sister, Joanie:
And there’s something really strange about seeing pictures of Bethany holding her niece and cackling as the fire swirls around them:
And then, of course, there’s Bethany and Joanie looking so happy as everything burns to the ground behind them:
Bethany looks almost gleeful with her dog, Honey:
And after I point out to them how crazed they appear, they decide to just go for it and start doing a fire dance on top of the bales of straw:
Then there was a moment of quiet reflection after my mom’s cousin told me I’m singlehandedly bringing the antichrist to America by being tolerant of religions other than Christianity:
We played with lights for a while and all loved the dog breath in this shot (and the way little Kaydence is looking up so expectantly):
Was I making fun of Bethany’s mom for being so old or for having her name on her jersey? The world may never know:
On Sunday, I went to church with my family, where people stood up and talked about how liberal professors are warping the minds of our children and how our country will be plunged into darkness and/or civil war if “we” don’t do something this election. I was sitting with my also-liberal great-aunt and -uncle, who were having their 60th anniversary party in the church basement afterward. Aaaaaaaaawkward.
Their original cake topper from 1952:
My sister, posing with one of the 60th anniversary notebooks-that-look-like-matches we were handing out at the punch bowl, where she and I were stationed for three hours:
But it was totally fun, because my cousins Will and Bethany spent most of it standing there with us, so we could all make fun of the people who came to the punch table and asked, “May I have a glass of punch, please?”, insinuating that Joanie should dip them a fresh one when we had five glasses sitting ready right in front of them:
This is the look my sister would give:
She’s not nearly as bitchy as she appears, though, at least when she’s with her husband, Josh, who is brilliant and waited until the last 15 minutes of the party to show up with our dad:
By that time, my great-uncle was all, “Stop, stop, no more pictures”:
And so Tracey and I went to the park in the center of “town” to meet up with our friend-since-birth Katie:
and our loooooooooong-time family friend, Erin, and her kids:
And everyone was a daredevil:
But no legs were broken. Only spirits, as moms pulled kids from the tops of jungle gyms over and over.
I spent Monday riding around the cornfields with my dad, taking the post-apocalyptic pictures you saw yesterday. My great-aunt picked me up that afternoon, and her friend drove us and my great-uncle to the airport because they’re afraid of the highways, and they freaked out about me wanting to be left at the passenger drop-off instead of everyone parking and accompanying me inside, because they looooooooove me.
OHIO!
27 Comments
Aw, man, I LOVE Ohio bonfires. On the one that everyone’s dancing, that’s what it looks like around here whenever U of Maryland wins (or loses) a big game. Only make it a sofa that’s on fire.
With the referendum on Same-Sex Marriage coming up in November, the churches are swinging into full-scale anti-gay overdrive. I’m actually considering going to church, just so I can walk out when they start up the condemnation and electioneering.
(Then I roll over and opt for a honeybun and another hour’s sleep.)
I love everything about this comment. Well done, sir.
I love that sofa fires are a universal sign of happiness and woe. I should do that next time someone I know dies.
I was just really shocked that apparently the church is so single-minded that you can just openly make fun of the college-educated and the left-leaning. I mean, I guess it makes sense if you think religious tolerance will bring ’round the antichrist, but geez; SOMEONE else in there had to have not been embarrassed by her college degree.
I love Harvey and the sky in Ohio. The fire pictures plus the one of Joanie with the notmatchbook just remind me of that time you lied and promised to take an out-of-focus photo of me with a sparkler. LIAR.
I’m glad you had fun, and keep on bringing that antichrist, please.
Excuse me. Honey. Not Harvey. Its name should be Harvey, though.
My childhood dog was named Harvey! He got run over.
Wow, I just realized how often we said that phrase as kids. “He got run over.” Why were our animals always dying on the road?
Where can we buy sparklers this time of year? You, sparkler, my rooftop, city in the background = AMAZING.
First of all, why don’t Ohio State sweatshirts say THE Ohio State. Always bothered me.
Any who, your photo taking skills are always getting better and better. I especially love the mom and daughter looking at each other one, and anything involving fire. And you’re nervous to branch out and charge people. HA!
That sounds so weird, right? “THE Ohio State” is totally off-sounding, while “the state of Ohio” is totally normal.
Thaaaaaaank yoooooooou! Your unfettered, unprovoked appreciation pretty much made my day.
I’ve noticed that during those taped football player introduction bits they air before a televised game ALL the guys from Ohio State seem very concerned about getting that ‘THE’ in there. I’m pretty sure there’s a guy just out of the shot, waiting to throw something at them if they forget.
Don’t worry about that whole antichrist thing. That’s my job. Lovvvve the hill people/fire pics.
I wanted to comment on your piece yesterday about the whining kid on the bus but was afraid my FB friends would see it. Paranoia rocks. Anyway, I have a friend who was on a flight with her 2 year old, who was kicking the back of the seat in front of him. Finally the lady in that seat turned around and says to my friend: “Your son is kicking my seat.” And my friend says: “What do you want me to do about it?” WHATWHAT? Um, make him stop? I had no idea how to react to this story when she told it to me.
Oh wow. That story makes me hurt as a parent. What do you want me to do about it? Teach your kid manners. And perhaps learn some yourself.
Good for you for not smacking your friend. That took a lot of courage to hold back.
I was afraid during the entire writing of that article that all of the mothers I know would flip the eff out on me, so I know the feeling.
So, wow. Whatever happened to parental power trips, parents forcing kids to do things just for the sake of proving they can? My dad used to make my sister and me get chips and beer for him while he watched Sunday afternoon football, and we liked it.
I guess in that situation, I would’ve called over the flight attendant so as to not have to punch your friend in the boob. This is also why I live in buildings with doormen.
Wait a minute. How hard was the kid kicking? Because if the kid was just sort of happily playing and bumping, then the alternative would be for the parent to make the 2 year old to stop, then potentially cry, which would mean EVERYONE pays, not just the unfortunate slob who ended up sitting in front of the mom. I mean, that guy could just take one for the team, right?
We were 2 states away from each other as opposed to 50 million. So close, yet still so far away.
And yet I was taking pictures of people’s pretzel babies, and you were taking magnificent nature shots. Hmph.
I love the photo of the mom and little girl looking at each other and the one of the dog breath. in fact, I am going to try to recreate it with my dogs, you know, when it finally gets cold here. I agree with Cass, your photography has really gotten outstanding.
Those are my two favorites, too! Except opposite order. The dog breath photo could be blown up to wall-sized and hung in a modern art gallery. Right next to something like creepy shots of unattractive naked people on gold, floral couches. It’s that good.
DUDE.
Thank you, I think.
Also: I need to find that print on Society6.
You know what I mean. Like the cool/vaguely creepy photography we saw at MoMa!
Do! That picture was sort of an accident; I’m sure a tripod and posed subjects could make for an amazing picture.
Hearing that from you made me swooooon.
The little blonde girl’s chubby fingers and painted nails slay me. Such a sweet photo.
Me, too! Katie sure does know how to cook up DNA for the cutest results. (And you, too.)
Your commentary with the bonfire photos totally had me laughing :D In all seriousness, this looks like a great time with family & friends.
Twas! Twas! There’s been no backlash from the bonfire commentary yet, but the holidays are fast approaching, and they may be waiting to attack me in person.
saving comments in a book now should i bring it to thanksgiving or christmas or just keep it for blackmail money
Oh, is that all.
*sigh*
Seriously… you do more with one post…
That dog breath photo is amazing!!! !!!