Happy Sixth Anniversary!

Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession

Dearest Kameroon,

Being with you is so fine that you’ve ruined my appetite for everyone else! You’re a five-star Yelp rating, and all other boys are a 2.5 (and they’re only rated that highly because a bunch of tourists from Ohio who didn’t know any better wrote glowing reviews). You’re as lowbrow as Oh! Taisho and as highbrow as Le Bernardin, as cool as Ko and as silly as Mars 2112. Even on your saltiest days, you’re still only as gross as a pickle end.

You are the smoked salmon to my cream cheese, the oyster to my caviar, the jalapeño sauce to my hen-of-the-woods. You are a Sauternes with foie gras and a Lola duck terrine with the finest 2009 Prüm. I want to spread you on Parmesan lavash and eat you with some tomato tea. And then take a kitchen tour and poop you out into a liquid nitrogen cocktail so I can enjoy you all over again.

Who I became over these past six years is made up of you. I don’t regret a moment of what we’ve done together, only that we didn’t get to do more.

Love,
Your Katie-Kay

12 Comments

  1. Cassie says:

    And that. Is bittersweet.

  2. Jessica R. says:

    You had me until poop.

    Happy Anniversary!

  3. bybee says:

    Wiping away a sentimental tear. Happy anniversary!

  4. bluzdude says:

    You sure have a way with metaphor. Or is that allegory? I can never remember…

  5. Christy says:

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, Kat & Kam!

    Hope your weekend adventures include lots of good food & snuggling. I bet they do.

    Warm fuzzies all around!

  6. Megan says:

    AW, perfectly cheesy without being nauseating or forced. You two are cute together, and congratulations on six years – what a great milestone :)

  7. See… now if they made greeting cards like this I would be a… um… happy… purchaser… of… greeting cards.
    Also, now I seem to have ‘Only You’ stuck in my head only ‘You’ has been replaced by ‘Poo’. So… that’s happened.

  8. Happy anniversary, KamKat!

  9. Andrea says:

    Now that’s about the cutest love note (complete with poop) that I’ve ever read. Ever. Seriously. Go get a room. ;)

  10. Andrea says:

    Now that’s about the cutest love note (complete with poop) that I’ve ever read. Ever. Seriously. Go get a room. ;)

    (oops, put in the wrong email address and my icon didn’t show up. So of course, I had to repost.)