Sometimes I feel more powerful than most women. Sometimes I feel like I’m more capable, that I’m stronger and better able to handle myself in tough situations. That I’m quicker-witted and slower to get used or walked on. Sometimes I think that being sharper, better at arguing, funnier is the most important thing. Sometimes, when I look at really snarky, dry, biting women like Gena or Sandy or Ellie, I think about how lucky the world is that all women aren’t cutesy. They’re not all “girl power”, unshaven-armpits-exposed-as-they-sway-their-arms-back-and-forth-over-their-heads-at-Lilith-Fair, either. And these women are intimidating. They require “keeping up” with and “being on” with; you don’t just leave any old comment on their Facebook posts, because their cleverer other friends have already said cleverer things than you were going to. I’d be scared to date either of the Mean Kims, as much as I love both of them. And if I feel that way, how must nice, normal girls feel about them?
Sometimes I feel much less powerful than most women. Sometimes I feel like I’m so busy being sharper, better at arguing, stronger and better able to handle myself that I forget to just be nice. There’s a moment in “Friday Night Lights” where Coach Taylor says to Jason Street, “You lift up everyone around you.” That line hit me so hard in the place in me that was raised by the sweetest, kindest mother who never said a bad word about anyone and was still considered by everyone to be hilarious. She never said anything shocking. She never cursed. She never made fun of someone just to get a laugh. (Mrs. Bachelor Girl reminds me of her in that way.) I know that people respond better to positivity and cute pictures and women in frilly lace dresses with shining hair and winning smiles than to uppercuts to the vagina, but I don’t know how not to point and jab! And I worry that the alternative to snarkiness for me is lameness.
I have a friend who has approximately 2.6 million friends on Facebook and never says anything remotely interesting but is “spunky” and “full of life”. If she’s not posting a motivational quote, she’s posting a motivational typographical image. And people eat. that. shit. up. I post mean things about Jason Segel? I lose a Like on my Unapologetically Mundane Facebook Page. She posts the picture of the cat on the rope with “hang in there!” written on the bottom? She gets 200 Likes and an award for Krazy Kool Friend or something.
I want to die.
But in a way that will lift up everyone around me.
12 Comments
YES.
I’d be scared to date the Kims, too.
Also: As snarky/biting, etc., as I may seem now, I used to be really mean. I actually make a concerted effort to be nice most of the time now. No joke. I know it probably doesn’t seeeem like it, but just imagine how insufferable I was in high school. I can’t believe I had any friends.
THIS. I used to be so much meaner. Now I largely try to keep my targets distant enough that if they found out what I thought, they wouldn’t really give a shit. But the fact that you included me in this makes me get all teary-eyed, as non-biting as that may be!
At the risk of being nauseatingly positive, I have to tell you that being compared to Mama Ett in even the teensy-tiniest little way, even if it’s just to say, “Your personality reminds me of the look my mother used to have when she cleaned out the cat pan,” pretty much made my week.
No, scratch that. MONTH.
HANG IN THERE!!!!1!
This blog really hit on something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.
I don’t really know what I want to say, though. It’s in my head, but it doesn’t really make sense.
I always wanted to be that genuine, loves life to the fullest, people can’t get enough of, person. Who am I? Not that. I’m realistic, honest and yes, positive most of the time, but not perfect in any sense of the word.
I know plenty of people who do that ‘Life is always AWESOME!’ status updates and get about 50 thousand likes.
I post a picture of my kids screaming at me in unison and I get private messages saying, “You should cherish every moment, even the crappy times!”
What do I want to do to those people? Barf on them.
Katie, your personality isn’t always the easiest to get along with. It’s not something you do directly, it’s your humor. It’s the fact that some people have a hard time reading between the lines on the internet and take everything so dang seriously. Do you mean it when you say something mean or snarky? Probably not. But that’s you and who you are and my favorite thing about you. When I met you in person, I couldn’t believe how soft and sweet your voice is.
I only have a few people I consider good, dear friends. You are one of them. So while other people are posting that lame hang on cat, you keep doing what YOU do, because I find it refreshing, hilarious and honest.
So, please don’t stop being that person. It’s who you are. And I genuinely like it.
Katie really is nicer in person, isn’t she? It’s weird. I like both Katies equally!
You think I’m mean?! Just kidding, I obviously knew that because you tell me every day. Which is super sweet of you. ZING.
Yeah, I don’t know. Sometimes when I hear I’m “mean” I get upset (I don’t want to be actually mean) and actively try to assess what I’m doing and change things, only to determine that what’s really going on is most people want to be told they’re pretty pretty special snowflakes all the time. And no matter how great a blessing life is or whatever, I don’t think that means we need to run around lying to people all the time.
I think it’s important to be kind when something actually matters, and to always tread very lightly in serious situations when people come to you for help (because most of the time they don’t actually want advice, they want unwavering affirmation they they were the victim in whatever the situation at hand was, whether or not that is constructive in any way — and if you start offering up suggestions as to how to handle a situation: MEAN). I think manners are important, I think giving someone the benefit of the doubt is important and I think letting the people who matter to you know that you’re always there for them is important. Listening is important. I do not think jumping up and hugging every casual acquaintance or failing to voice a dissenting viewpoint because some oversensitive adult takes everything as a personal attack is important. This awesome life (hang in there!!11!) is too short for that, come on.
You’re not mean at all. You have a relatively snarky internet tone. I REALLY don’t think you should worry about condescending to people who can’t grasp darker humor or a negative opinion once in a while. You talk primarily about the internet in your last paragraph, and I really don’t feel like a person who decides to “dislike” you without hesitation or discussion because they disagree with one thing you post deserves gentler treatment than he/she just gave you.
Likely half the people with the incessant inspirational quotes are faking it anyway. I prefer “mean”/blunt/honest/snarky/funny/real people to fake ones.
Also, your mom sounds like she was awesome. Mine’s mean.
I really liked you before, but now after reading this I think I kind of love you, and not just because you said neat things about me.
Your humor brings me up. I’m serious. Even your comments on my blog make me laugh. I love that you’re not scared to point out the awkward and obvious.
I think we need all kinds of people. But I’m glad you’re not a cookie cutter person and you’re a strong, smart woman. I love your blog posts and your FB posts and your snark. Please don’t lose that snark.
Ever since Nathan read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and the other Steven Covey books, he has decided that saying mean things about other people is counterproductive. And we have waaaay less stuff to talk about, now.
DON’T read those books, Katie. If I didn’t have your snark to keep me alive, I would die a slow and painful death.
Never change, Katie dear, never change.
We love you the way you are.
I have never thought of you as a mean person. You have a talent for pointing out just how ridiculous life can be in a way that’s funny. Some people are just never going to appreciate that because they only want to think about rainbows and unicorns (and are probably really boring people).
I think 99% of the people who post about how awesome their life is are just trying to convince themselves that it’s true.
Try writing something about Jason Segel in ‘Papyrus’ or ‘Comic Sans’. That’ll do the trick, right?!
:)