I told you yesterday about my recent resolution to be Holly Happypants on the bus so that I might lead others to good behavior by my example. Well, everything was going swimmingly on the bus the next day, with me not blowing up at a high school kid who was propping his elbow up on my shoulder to help him hang onto the strap, me getting a really comfortable seat one stop after I got on, and the bus being generally uncrowded. By the time we got to Wall Street, there were only a handful of people left, so no one made anything of it when a man began making the longest and most obnoxious phone call.
He was clearly talking to a customer service representative at a company that deals in batteries and started the conversation by angrily demanding to know if they had his particular battery in stock, though he couldn’t actually name the battery. “The one MY radio takes,” he said, as if that was any help. He gave the person his name and phone number and told him or her that his radio looks like an iPod. And then he began berating the person, getting increasingly more aggressive:
“I’m so tired of you people not doing your jobs.”
“Do you have the battery or not?”
“I know YOU don’t know, so go find someone else who does.”
“What am I supposed to do–call back every day until you get the battery in?”
“You’re not educated enough for me to talk to.”
“Give me your supervisor.”
“I want to talk to your supervisor!”
Everything was repeated twice for emphasis and said in the loudest and rudest of voices in the sort of accent that Angelina from “Jersey Shore” had. It was unbearable and almost incredible that a human could talk to another human that way, but we were almost at my stop, and I had that whole pact with myself about trying extra hard to behave myself on public transportation, so I grabbed a nutrition bar from my bag and popped a chunk of it in my mouth to keep myself otherwise occupied.
Just then, the bus stopped at the traffic light before the turn into the Staten Island Ferry station, and people in the back started yelling. The bus has to wait at that light every single day, so there shouldn’t have been a problem, but that day was strange for some reason. Traffic had been inching along all the way down from 42nd Street, the sky was overcast with rain, and this guy had been literally yelling into his phone–the air was thick with tension.
Someone in the back was saying, “The light is green! THE LIGHT IS GREEN! GO, bus driver!” Hilariously, I realized it was the same lady from the day before who complimented my hair and whom I was glad I hadn’t been rude to before despite her totally deserving it.
People began yelling back at her: “The light’s red!” “Check your eyes!” “Be quiet if you don’t know what’s going on!” It was complete chaos, as if everything everyone had wanted to say to one another all morning and every morning was spewing out now.
Someone said, “Some people around here need to get driver’s licenses!”, and I believe she was talking to the woman who didn’t know the difference between a red and green light, but the guy who had been making the obnoxious phone call screamed out, “YEAH! ALL THESE BUS DRIVERS SUUUUUUUUUUCK!”
And at that point, it was just too much for me, and I said, “Oh, my gosh, shut up!” That’s not really a phrase I use, but it had been building up in me for ten minutes, and it came out without warning.
I had been talking into the ether, but I guess Obnoxious Phone Call Guy took it personally and said to me, “YOU shut up!”
Read the super-juicy ending here and get so mad both for me and at me!
12 Comments
If that had happened in Louisiana, four rednecks would’ve jumped up and beat his ass, ostensibly for insulting a lady, but really just because they’ll take any excuse to give somebody an ass-whoopin’.
Granted, Louisiana rednecks don’t generally use public transportation, but you get my point.
Oh my gosh! Funny, I had a pact with myself to be nicer to my co-workers this week and failed miserably in a very similar fashion.
But there were no personal insults hurled back at me by an idiot.
And this phrase:”the hollow eyes of someone who’s worked too hard to have made it nowhere in life”?
Awesome.
That last sentence? Pure genius.
I can’t wait! I’m staying tuned!!
In case I haven’t mentioned it before, your adventures in public transportation are the best.
Okay, I know it’s late and I’m not on the bus, but a big chorus of “ASSSSHOLE!!” a la football stadiums countrywide would have totally been in order.
Nice comeback too. You know right where he can put that battery.
OMG, that’s the best idea ever… a whole bus full of people chanting “Assss hoooooole…’
Nothing brings a dissimilar crowd of strangers together quite like the common loathing of a flaming asshole.
I hope the third installment of this Katie Bus Trilogy comes with bloody nosed pictures, but guess I’ll have to wait.
Wait! I could only find up until “That’s when the real chaos began!” Did I miss something? Is there another link for Part 2? Don’t leave a chick hangin’!
Nope, you didn’t miss it! I’m posting the rest of it today!
This sounds like exactly what would have gone down on a Boston subway. I find it hilarious that for no particular reason the bus broke out into chaos. Good for you for saying something to the obnoxious man sounded like he needed a talking to.
That guy sounds like a real winner. I love your response to him about the battery, haha!
I’m getting really nervous at this point!
I might need to go re-apply my deodorant before I read on!