Am I right in thinking that tonight’s “Survivor” ended in the only way it could in a perfect and just world? Colton Cumbie, the biggest jerk in “Survivor” history in my mind, went home with a suspected appendicitis after ensuring Christina all episode long that she was the next to go, that she had no friends, that she could wait out her sentence on the island or “jump in the fire” and end it for herself.
photo by CBS
I know that Russell Hantz is largely regarded as “Survivor”‘s most evil mastermind, but Colton was an even worse kind of awful: the kind who cried like the kid picked last on the playground when he was the only gay guy on a team full of macho men he assumed wouldn’t accept him and then became a snotty, snobby diva spewing hate the moment he didn’t have to fear being voted off every single week. At least Russell had the decency to be terrible all of the time. Watching Colton fall from grace—from a country club brat who laughed when he said the one black person he knows was the family’s servant to a wretch coiled up on the bare ground, hilariously thinking his stomach pain was constipation—felt so, so sweet.
And then he took the hidden immunity idol home with him to boot instead of passing it along to his closest ally (Alicia), the only person who took pity on him during his sickness (Christina, who is a princess among women), or one of his teammates for a future Tribal Council. I was amused by him for the first episode, I felt sorry for him for the second episode, and I wanted him full of gangrene by the third episode. If we see a future “Survivor: All Stars” with Colton in the cast, I’m out.
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The only way that episode could have been any better is if that toxic Alicia was voted off too.
Colton embodies so many of my least favorite qualities… he’s spoiled, self-entitled, holier-than-thou, he’s unnecessarily mean and completely lacks anything resembling empathy.
Good riddance.
If only some of the others could have summoned the stones to confront him on his behavior directly, instead of whining about it to the camera.
I looooooooved that Colton at least screwed Alicia idol-wise, though, and it was great that the episode set you up to care about Christina, who’s sort of been blah up until now.
It was so funny to watch the transformation of Colton from this outcast who made me think, “Woe, the plight of the gay male amongst his straight counterparts!”, because I tend to feel like an outcast among women who love heels and being catty and talking about “Sex and the City”. It was that moment where he revealed that he’s a gay Republican that I was like, “Oooooooooh, now it all makes sense.” You’re exactly right about him.
I’ve never seen an episode of Survivor.
Because I live under a rock.
Which is part of my anticipatory conditioning.
For winning Survivor.
:)
What DO you watch? Other than “Sunny”, of course. I’m hoping you two are a couple of hippies who refuse to own a TV and only watch “NOVA” on the PBS website but have a secret love of “Jersey Shore”.
I watched the first Survivor like the fate of the world depended on it, but once everybody learned how to play the game, I sort of lost interest.
That said, I bet I’d be awesome at it. As long as I could take my razor with me, of course.
It’s so funny you say that, because we re-watched the first season on Netflix late last year and were shocked at how the show’s evolved. Those people were voting based on alphabetical order and trying not to hurt each other’s feelings, and the concept of an alliance felt dirty to most of them. And yes, there was a lot of leg and armpit hair.
Now, it seems like they require shaving, and I’m almost surprised they don’t deliver fresh and increasingly more provocative bikinis to the girls every day.
(I still look forward to it more than any show other than “Big Brother”, though.)
I really have no idea what this post is talking about, but it kind of made me wish I had watched “Survivor.” There is a sentence I never thought I’d say. My new obsession is definitely “Dance Moms.” Have you started watching it yet?
Sooooo glad you wrote about this today. (And so glad we watched the episode last night…spoiler queen!) I hate that guy so much! I don’t understand how any of the misfit alliance was following him. He’s not even that intelligent, he’s just mean so nobody wants to go against him. The last few weeks we’ve been screaming at the screen for them to vote him out. So unsatisfying that he was medically evacuated. I really wanted the Sushi Chef to turn against him.
This season has been really annoying. No one is really playing the game except for him. If they were, they would have taken him out a long time ago!
I’m a big believer in karmic justice. If Colton’s appendicitis wasn’t karmic justice, it certainly plays one on TV.
His henchwoman Alicia has turned my stomach since episode 1. She’s mean. She’s pushy. She acts like she’s God’s gift. Her confrontational behavior leaves me horrified that she’s a special ed teacher. I know they use creative editing on Survivor, but seriously, can you imagine this woman in charge of a class, let alone special needs students? I shudder.