Kamran and I were doing laundry in the basement of his building this weekend. We’re under the impression that we’re the only people who even bother to clean out the lint traps in the twenty or so dryers in the laundry room, so it was no surprise when, after we put our own clothes in one of them, we noticed something left by someone else sticking to the inside of our chosen dryer. I was about to reach for it wordlessly when Kamran noticed it, too, and plucked it out before I could.
Unrolled, it was sticky on one side, quilted on the other, wide at one end, and tapering off at the other end to a very thin strip. Neither of us freaked out about it, because we’d never seen such a thing.
“This isn’t a maxi pad, is it?” he asked, mostly joking.
“Um. I think it’s a thong pantyliner,” I said with a mixture of dread and wonder.
And so Kamran danced around the room, trying to fling off this thing that was now stuck to his hand. And then he wiped his hand on me.
So, is this a real thing–a thong pantyliner? And does it make anyone else feel bad that:
a) this thing exists because there’s an actual market for a product that lets you show off your butt while also collecting your vag drippings, and
b) you weren’t feminine enough to know about it, either?
28 Comments
Two days after I had my first period, I was invited to a pool party. My mom told me that there were tampons under the bathroom cabinet, and that the directions (with diagrams!) were inside the box. I figured it out, and never turned back.
So, to answer your question: I did not know about the thong panty liner, but I suppose that I’m not surprised.
Your mom didn’t shove it up in you herself?! Shame on your parenting skills, Alison!
(That’s right. Just Facebook-stalked your mom’s name for maximum effect. But you know I’m j/king.)
I need a brain-shower after reading this exchange.
I’m tempted to explain to all of you why thong pantylliners exist, but it seems pointless.
Do I sense some hostility from you surrounding pantyliners?
I JUST HATE VAGINAS.
I kid.
But, you know, if you like having panty-lines when you wear slacks, more power to you. I’ve heard women say they think panty lines are sexy. I do not.
I can’t remember the last time I wore a pair of undies with buttcheeks on them. Extra fabric. Pointless.
I have seamless undies that I wear with my workout pants.
Or I go commando. Depends on my mood, I suppose.
Seamless undies, eh? Maybe you should collaborate on a “Stuff We Like” underwear edition.
Though, if they don’t make said undies for gals with significant junk in their figurative trunks, then I’m out of luck.
Have you seen my ass? If that’s not junk in the trunk, then I’d like to know what is.
I have seen your ass! Haven’t I? Wasn’t there a photo of it on this very blog? I’m picturing something adorable.
Mine’s bigger. Which, I’m not necessarily complaining about, but I will tell you I can’t buy undies at Vickies. I have what farm people call “breeding hips.”
If you haven’t, you’re missing out. I’m going for the goal of being able to freeze ice on it. I recently acquired the Brazilian Butt lift. Watch out now.
I would recommend bringing a pair of rubber gloves with you for laundry from now on. And wipe those machines down with disinfectant for good measure. Ewww.
And no, didn’t know thong panty liners existed. I can’t even imagine wanting to wear a thong when I’m on my period.
Douches, Calgon and Summer’s Eve, Ett.
And some Just Dance 3.
Sweet lord. That is horrifying. I did know of their existence as I bought them by accident one time…and I agree they are weird…
I more threw up in my mouth a little that you found one in a dryer…GROSSS. G-R-O-S-S.
I did know that thong panty liners exist, because I have some. I’m not sure why you this is surprising given the vast array of feminine hygiene products. Have you perused them lately? I accidentally bought scented panty-liners once… no I don’t particularly want it to smell like lavender down there.
Some ladies (like myself) have very light days. No way I gonna shove a wag of cotton up my vag for a couple drips. Also some of these days I also do not want panty line. Hence the thong panty liner.
Also a well fitting thong can be SUPER comfy. I like them better than some of my fuller coverage undies.
Also YOU ARE WRONG ON ALL ACCOUNTS. AND I AM THE MOST FEMININE!
Oh my gosh I cannot stop laughing. This whole exchange plus the term “vag drippings” oh. my. gosh.
Thongs are evil. I’d rather have panty lines than butt floss, though I do take time to make sure that the clothes I wear don’t show my underwear.
And seriously, if you’re going to wear a thong, please use a tampon.
I knew about such a things, even though I’m super un-feminine, because I used to work at a drugstore back in ’00-’01. In fact, I’m fairly certain those have been off the market for several years. Take that for what it’s worth.
No panty lines necessitate such things. I rejoiced when they started marketing them.
Panty lines are the devil.
Ok this might have been one of the more disturbing/hilarious blog entries I’ve seen in awhile. I really want to know if it’s real, but I’m too chicken shit to Google it….
Hahaha!! Ok, I was recenlty at Target and saw a box of thong pantyliners and I stood there for a long time staring at them unsure if I wanted to laugh, cry or throw them all on the floor. Seriously, if you are wearing a pantyliner then skip the thong. There’s nothing sexy about discharge.
Thanks for the laugh.
P.S. Buy long necklaces.
I knew I should have skipped this post (and comments) because it’s basically made up of Dude Repellent. But much like a bad traffic accident, I just couldn’t make myself look away.
The thongs I’ve known have never had enough crotch to adhere anything to – let alone a pantyliner (tapered or not). The greater question here is WHERE IS THE PHOTO??!! How could you post thing w/out a picture of Kamran getting jiggy wit it?
I have a hard enough time trying to match up my panty liner to the crotch of my “period underwear” ….seems like I never seem to get it right. I can’t imagine trying to get it right on a thong string. Team panty lines!
Eh, I have them, and I wear them. It’s not all about being on a period, either. Sometimes you just have those “days” where you need something, but not a maxi pad and certainly not a tampon. And I refuse to ever wear full on undies under clothes. I have too much junk in my trunk and non-thongs not only leave a line, they leave a DENT. No thank you.
Hey… U.M…
is it cool if I just hang out in the next isle for a few minutes… I think I saw something about a sale on Tang…
:)
Or how about C) You actually like thongs and you knew all about thong pantyliners, but you just had a baby*, and for reasons that you don’t really want to go into in public on The Innernet, you fear that your thong-wearing days are over forever?
C. I’m going with C.
*What is the maximum amount of time that one can say one “just” had a baby in order to excuse one’s belly/thigh/butt/arm/back jiggle?
My best friend’s youngest is 6, and she tells people it’s baby weight, as long as they don’t know her/the kid.
I like that thong panty liners look like an exclamation point, like HEY THIS IS NEEDED HERE!
I like thongs, good ones with a nice Y strap are not uncomfortable at all, I really believed they would all be horrible until I invested in good ones. Some of them even hold in your tummy!
I also love boy shorts, so I go back and forth equally.
Pantiliners are not just for periods, but they are most definitely not for communal dryers, YUCK!