Kamran was already mad at me. The night before, I had been exhausted from walking around Brooklyn with a visiting friend all day, and his good mood was really pinching my nerves, so I’d laughed when he’d stubbed his toe on my suitcase, which was still sitting in the middle of his floor since coming back from Ohio, and I’d said, “THAT should bring your mood down a little!” It was a joke, but he hadn’t liked it. But I’d thought it was funny and refused to apologize.
There was also the problem of the fly that had inexplicably shown up in his apartment days before and was insisting on landing on our heads while we ate. (And everyone knows flies poop every time they land.) A fly swatter was in order.
So we walked up the street the six blocks to the hardware store, which wouldn’t have been a problem had my feet not still been burning from all of the walking I’d done that weekend. So in addition to being mad at me, Kamran was also having to walk ve-e-e-e-ery slowly so I could keep up with him. Except that he was impatient to get to the hardware store (and then the grocery store and the Middle Eastern place where he wanted to get dinner), so he kept walking ahead of me and then stopping and waiting, which was making me anxious, which was making me try to walk faster, which was making my feet hurt more.
We got to the hardware store, and he hastily asked the guy at the counter where the fly swatters were without saying thank you, and then he hastily asked a second employee for the same directions without saying thank you, and then he grabbed a fly swatter and handed it to me to bring to the counter, all of which is very unlike him. So now I was in a bad mood, too.
And it was then that Kamran realized he’d forgotten his wallet. And I never bring my wallet to the grocery store, because he never lets me pay, anyway, so we had the guy hold our precious fly swatter at the cash register while we went back to Kamran’s.
And it was then that Kamran realized he’d forgotten his keys. And I thought it was soooooo ironic, because I’m always pushing him out the door whenever we go anywhere, and he’s always complaining that I don’t give him time to get his wallet and keys, but I’d specifically hung back that night in order to not add insult to injury in light of the whole stubbed-toe situation.
So we walked/hobbled back to his building in the cold and asked the doorman for the spare key. It didn’t work. We went back downstairs and asked if there was another one. There wasn’t. We wiggled and jiggled the crap out of that thing. We tried popping the lock with the keyring. We tried being rough with it and then gentle with it. It didn’t work.
In my infinite wisdom, I asked the doorman if there’s any specific locksmith the building uses, and he took it upon himself to call one for us. I didn’t ask him about the cost, because of course he was going to call the cheapest and best locksmith for us, right? We sat in the lobby in silence for ten minutes until the guy showed up, and he replaced the lock in five minutes.
For $360.
Payable in cash.
Immediately.
He’d walk to the ATM with us.
And then we had to walk/hobble back to the hardware store and grocery store after that still. And then Kamran asked me to finally take my suitcase back to my apartment, but it had lost a wheel when my cabbie yanked it from his trunk and got it caught on something, so it was lopsided and scraped the floor wherever I moved it, and I knew it was going to be the biggest pain to get back to Brooklyn, so I cried for two hours.
So it was basically the worst night in KamKat history. But we came out of it not being mad at each other somehow, so there’s that.
21 Comments
So one of these investigation shows on NBC (like from the same people who did “To Catch a Predator”) JUST did a show on locksmiths who rip people off! I so wish you and Kamran had been on the show with this epic disaster of a night!
Aw. But what about the people who wanted to believe that Katie and Kamran were nothing but adorable joy monsters?
Oh that is horrible. I think it’s a good sign that you can still end things on a good note, despite the crap life throws at you. I hope you hit that locksmith with the flyswatter.
Wow. That’s absolutely terrible.
Wow.
Does that fact that the very idea of you crying for two hours makes ME want to cry for two hours mean that I’m codependent?
Well, I DON’T CARE. So NYUH.
Seriously, I’m glad you guys are still good. I can’t even imagine the kitten-faced cuteness that ensued when you two made up.
If I was asked for $360 for a lock, I would have cried/thrown up on the guy. I guess I should stay in Ohio?
Aww babe that’s the worst. :(
Sorry that your shitty day just kept getting shittier. Next time your feet hurt you should tell Kamran to go to the store by himself. You totes could have relaxed and watched some Veronica Mars by yourself and you’d have been there to let him in when he locked himself out.
But I know you were thinking, “At least I’ll get a blog post out of it…”
That’s how I cope with life’s tragedies…
Those kinds of days are the worst.
And, $360 for 15 minutes? Yeah, changing my career now.
That’s a whole lot of suck right there.
OMG, WRETCHED! I can’t believe you haven’t called me to tell me this story. Or that you didn’t discretely text me throughout the whole ordeal so I could sympathize with you through our special wires.
This post made me want to drive out to NYC just so we can move that wobbly suitcase in the trunk of my car. It’s too bad I’m too scared to drive in your city.
Ha! I heard about it before you. I win.
Last night, my crazy neighbor tried to break into my house to beat me and my dog up, and I had to call 911 and then deal with the cops and stuff, and then I was too terrified to sleep alone in this house, so I had to bundle up my dog and her bedding and her bowls and go to Steve’s, and his roomie has a bunny, who had to be moved from the living room to the roomie’s room on account of not being so okay with the dog, but Steve was nice enough to let me camp out at his place overnight WITH DOG, and now my work schedule’s all crazy, ’cause I had to phone them to tell them there was no way I was going to be able to be up at the 4am it would take to drive back to my house, drop off dog, get ready, then drive back to work and be ready/working/smiling at hotel guests at 7am. Oh, I also forgot the part where my dad, who showed up mid-fracas, put me down in front of the cops and tried to make me sound like some hysterically overreacting little girl, but then HE wasn’t home alone when this maniac blocked in my car with his own car, threw heavy, metallic sounding shit around our garage (I honestly thought he was stomping on or throwing around a motorcycle of my dad’s or something), and tried to break down the door in between the garage and the kitchen.
So, um, your night could have been worse?
Well. Let me just step right up and say that although I am sorry that y’all had such a craptastic night, I was happy to read about it.
Because the thing is, no long term relationship is without the occasional spectacular moments/times of hardship and fail. I don’t want to hear about all of them but yeah, I like to know that it’s not all sunshine all the time.
I do, however, like to hear that there are happy endings where people live through the suck times and get to the other side with love and laughter intact.
Yep. Nice one honey. xo
I think marriage is in your future. Only vomiting babies can top that.
I would have done it for $300.
That’s a SIXTY dollar savings for you!
Just don’t tell my boss.
I could get into trouble.
Seriously, though… glad that’s all over… sounds like a pretty dang awful day.
Ok, that’s pretty shitty for an evening. You make me not miss NYC as much.
Oh, that sound SO awful… I’m really sorry you had such a bad time & when I read about you crying for two hours, I got so sad :(
I’m really glad you two managed to not stay mad at each other. That’s something really important in a relationship, to be able to survive even the bad times.
Did this happen on Tuesday night? Because that’s when David and I had our first wedding-related fight (and our first major (for us) fight in a very, very long time), and that would be weird. (Everything’s is fine now, but that night SUCKED.)
Ugh, that sucks, sorry :( :( :(
It does seem like NYC can sometimes elevate normal fights into insanely nasty ones. Glad you guys are ok.
Wow. What a shitacular day.
In other news, I’m moving to NYC soon, to become a locksmith.