Along with turning my brain to mush and making me think I might want to do something ridiculous like go to culinary school when I can’t even eat tomatoes, reality TV shows are currently making me question how much of an old lady I am.
It started yesterday afternoon with this woman, Courtney Kerr, when I saw an episode of “Most Eligible Dallas” on Bravo:
As soon as I saw her, I thought, “God, why does Bravo keep doing shows about old people?” But then I realized that their demographic is probably the middle-aged housewife living out in the middle of nowhere (i.e. Dallas) and not the twentysomething wannabe-culturehound living in NYC.
But THEN I saw her age flash across the screen: twenty-nine.
That is what a 29-year-old woman looks like? I was under the impression that this person was in her late 30s or early 40s and had maybe had some work done.
Then I saw the age of another of Dallas’s supposedly most eligible:
Early 40s, right? Or, like, maybe even 60 but with a decent plastic surgeon. But no, she’s TWENTY-THREE! Is that even possible?
Then there are these two from “MasterChef”:
Adrien, 28, and Jennifer, 34. To me, Adrien looks solidly in his 30s, and Jennifer could be Helen Mirren’s slightly younger sister.
I’m not saying any of these people look bad, but none of them look remotely close to the image I have of myself. I know I look older than your average college student, because when I look at girls who are 21 or 22, they look like babies to me. Like, almost to the point that they seem a little gross and unwashed. Maybe a little drooly, even.
But when I look at all of these people, I feel like I’m the baby. Does the camera add ten years in addition to ten pounds, or do I just look like an old lady in my late 20s and not realize it?
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My first experience with that was when I was working at the newspaper. I was editing wedding announcements, and I saw the picture of the couple, and thought, “Oh, isn’t it nice that she found someone at her age” (or some variation on that) and then I realized she graduated from high school the same year I did.
Also, too much makeup makes people look old.
Generally speaking, people who are obsessed with their looks, go to great lengths to look better than everyone else with extreme measures, like using tanning beds, lots of makeup, etc. Girls like these also drink lots of caffeine and alcohol, as a general rule. Partying all night and sobering up the next day sure can wear on a body.
I <3 sunscreen. Maybe they should, too.
And then you were like, “Oh, shit, why am I not already married? Everyone my age has kids and owns a house and gave up on life years ago! MIDLIFE CRISIS!!”
Yeah, I pretty much hate reality TV. It’s so… 3 inches deep.
I cannot stand these doe-eyed girls who cry about how they can never find the perfect man, and sit around vocalizing their confusion as to why they haven’t found true love to a crew of TV cameras. IT’S OBVIOUS! You’re shallow! You care too damn much about your looks and clothes and what car you’re driving, and you care too much about the same in a potential partner. While having all those things is nice, at the end of the day, you’re still dating a shallow pig who will likely do the horizontal polka with another floozy all over your broken heart. And might I add, it’s a nice touch (but not really) that they throw in how “charitable” these people are. Shallow people aren’t charitable. Shallow people use affiliation with charity to boost ratings on their “douchebag resume”.
I just want to shake the shit out of these women and point them to the troves of men that are incredibly bright, sweet, smart, successful, loving, desiring families, etc, and waiting to meet a beautiful woman to complete their life. Because in the end? Those men, who likely aren’t hiding a six-pack under their metrosexual clothes, are the ones who are going to love them 15 years from now, when their boobs are sagging from breastfeeding 2 kids, and their faces are sporting laugh lines from years of good memories. The assholes with the six-packs? Yeah, that will be the ex-husband who ran off with the babysitter, after years of volatile arguments about how they need to lose weight, look prettier, have more sex, be better than they can possibly be.
GAH.
I agree wholeheartedly–except that there are plenty of awesome, smart, not shallow ladies out there who can’t seem to find those guys! I’m pretty sure they don’t exist.
The only women I know (personally) that have this problem of not being able to find that “perfect guy”, all have set their standards way above what they should reasonably expect to date. For instance, my cousin. She wants a hip guy with a fireman’s body, to live in a million dollar home, to be a stay at home wife/mom, and to generally be a “lady who lunches” with the rest of her Junior League cronies. The only problem? She’s about 50 pounds overweight, doesn’t have any desire to go to the gym or diet and has a very low-paying receptionist job with no motivation to do any better. Hot guys don’t want to date girls like that! Thing is, she’s pretty, but not “hawt”. She could get a sweet guy, but she doesn’t want what she can get. She wants what she can’t have.
I’m not saying that this is the scenario for everyone, but I can name 5 girls in my circle of friends right now, who have this exact problem. If they would just lower their standards a teensy bit… :-/
Ha! The charitable stuff is soooo funny. I don’t remember ever having seen any reality TV characters talk about it for the longest time, but then one did, and now they all do. And it’s so transparent! They always look so uncomfortable with anyone they’re “helping”, like, “Please don’t touch me please don’t touch me.”
And yeah, I don’t even find muscles or chiseled cheekbones or slicked-back hair even remotely attractive, so it’s hard for me to watch women do anything to date those guys and then get used up by them. I don’t know which is worse: dating for looks or dating for money.
Katie, I agree with you! Lately I feel like people don’t look their age, but actually older. And I realized that when people say that I look like I’m 27-28 it’s a huge compliment, even though it’s only a few years younger than my current age. I feel like I look young in comparison. Case in point: have you seen Angelina Jolie lately? She’s younger than Brad by about 10 years or so, but they basically look the same age- both like 42-43. This is what we have to look forward to- yay! :(
I mean, I know men age better than women in general, according to society’s standards, but women end up wrecking themselves in trying to look better, right? I hope my years of moisturizing, not smoking, and never going out in the sun pay off. Although maybe I should cut down on some of those wine pairings . . .
Three kids have worn on me and I feel like I look older. I even started to bust out the Oil of Olay night cream for crissake! Though I’m caught in a bit of a catch 22. People think I look younger than I am, and then when they hear I have 3 kids, they think I’m a trailer trash whore.
I thought my yoga instructor was my age or a year older and it turns out she’ll be 22 in a month.
I suck at age judgement, unless you’re over the age of 70. That’s where I shine.
Haha, that’s what I thought when I first “met” you! I mean, not the trailer trash whore part, obviously, but I was like, “Daaaaaaaaamn, this girl must have been 12 when she started having kids!” You had wonderful writing skills for a 15-year-old, though.
Two thoughts on this:
1. I know exactly what you mean about having a permanent perspective of a 19-year-old, so everybody older than that seems “old” to you. I think this about stars on tv (I don’t watch this particular show, but same idea), too, like, how can they even get a job in entertainment? They’re, like, ancient!
2. I’ve always thought the “overdone” look of perfectly-curled hair (supposedly trying to look casual) and pounds and pounds of makeup made even the youngest girls look so much older. When I see commercials for the “Real Housewives” shows, their short, shiny, satin dresses with their over-hairsprayed hair and *obvious* various lifts to their faces just gross me out. Do they honestly think they look better with all that? Blech.
How does that permanent perspective thing happen? Does it happen to everyone? I’m still finding new bands and still buying new clothes, so I haven’t fallen into that listening-to-only-Bush-for-the-rest-of-my-life trap, but I feel like my friends and I are waaaaaaay too young to be getting married and having jobs.
I guess we learn to wear a bunch of makeup as teenagers because we want to look older and then never learn to stop doing that. Like Kamran says, I cover up my natural glow every morning only to add it back in with fake blush later.
So glad you pointed out the satin dresses! Those intros crack me up.
Yeah, thought the same thing when I saw that Dallas girl. Texas is clearly not good for the skin. Plus, both those Dallas people wear borderline drag queen make up (and clothes).
Also, heinous necklaces.
Yes! The necklaces! Those are NOT young-people necklaces. They are upper-middle-aged talk show host necklaces.
I totally think that’s what it is, too. My stepmom wears chunky jewelry and looks classy and put-together. I wear jewelry made of Barbie shoes, as should everyone my age.
I totally agree. Especially girl #2. Maybe it’s her awful roots? But she looks way older than 23.
Also, I find that when people ask me how old I am, I immediately start to say 25, then go, oh wait, no I’m not! I’m about to be 27. Oh dear.
She looks almost exactly like Morgan Fairchild to me. Who was born in 1950, by the way.
I’m under the impression that I’m 22 to 24. I guess I must really want to go back to college, like Avenue Q said.
I look and feel old so I try not to pay attention to these things.
*plugging ears and closing eyes*
Lalalalala…
Well, you’re a dude, so it doesn’t matter. The balder you get, the more women will like you. Just make sure you’re rich.
These people are THE biggest liars about their ages. I don’t believe a number of it for one second.
Okay, thank you. I will also be lying about my age in the future, though, so no biggie.
I think those girls (all of them I have seen on the show so far) look CRAZY old, the hair styles that Courtney broad chooses? REALLY??? Plus I just loathe her after hearing what a self centered snob she is.
The other girl from the Dallas show, actually looks young in comparison to the other women on the show, so maybe she is 23 in relative terms?
Courtney’s just sad, and I think the entire show was designed to make her look as pathetic as possible. I’m sure it’s rough being in love with your best friend, but geez, try to control yourself while the cameras are around.
I think you’re right about the other girl. Courtney’s probably 39, and the other girl is 33.
This is fascinating. As a woman in my 30s with 2 children long out of toddler-dom, I get treated very, veerrrrrry differently when alone vs. with my kids or family. When I’m with my kids, I am a “mom.” When I’m with my husband I am respectable wife. But for some reason, when I’m out solo it’s like all bets are off. Don’t get me wrong, it is flattering. But its funny how differently women are perceived simply by adding or subtracting family members – all else equal.
That said, I agree wholeheartedly w/ many of the comments above. These women look old b/c they’re so overdone. Women in their natural state look their age for the most part, often younger. UNLESS they have had work done or are abusing their bodies. It’s the makeup, clothes, bad dye jobs, etc. that age people. I find it really tragic actually. These women aren’t bad looking and if they’d just stuck to nature’s plan they’d look heaps better than they do all faked out. Case in point: ever watch Survivor? Even the older folks (and by that I mean in their 40s, 50s, 60s) look so much better on the island, sans makeup and preening.
Oh, I’ll bet! With that wild white-blonde hair, you’ve always looked really young to me. It’s almost weird when you talk like some wizened adult.
I love that you brought up “Survivor”! I watched the first season and many subsequent seasons but just brought Kamran into the fold a couple of years ago, so we went back and watched the first season on Netflix recently. We were SO SHOCKED at how women used to look when they came back to tribal council to serve as jury members. They’re not wearing hoochie clothes, and they don’t have a bunch of freaky clown makeup on. Now we love to guess how slutty the girls are going to look when they appear on the jury for the first time.
I read the other day that Olivia Wilde is 27, and it blew my mind. She’s stunningly beautiful, but I thought she was about my age (34).
But The Guy disagrees and thinks she actually looks younger than 27.
How…?
Um, yeah, I’d guess mid-30s for sure, and I’d say she looks much older than YOU do. The Guy must not be looking at her face, ifyouknowwhatImean.
I totally commented on this, but I guess the internet broke. Anyways, I would have never guessed any of those people to be in their 20s. Especially not Ms. 23-year-old. She looks like a pageant girl. Which, most pageant girls look way older than they are, too. (I thought it was hilarious the one year Miss America announced they were getting a makeover — making the girls more modern with less makeup, styling, etc. I don’t think the girls got the memo.)