• Friday morning: Kamran and I cancel our Saturday night dinner with Kim and have a fancy lunch instead to fill our weekend fine dining quota.
• Friday afternoon: I attempt to order groceries through FreshDirect but find that all of their delivery slots are sold out already.
• Friday evening: Kamran and I stop at the grocery store for cheeses, meats, chocolates, Oreos, and a bottle of water. Not a gallon. A bottle.
• Friday evening: Kamran and I order chicken fingers parmigiana sandwiches with cole slaw, potato salad, and French fries for dinner, citing that it’s “Hurricane Weekend” and we have to store up fat.
• Saturday morning: Kamran and I order $80 worth of noodles and crispy pork belly from a restaurant on Seamlessweb to last us the weekend, wait an hour, call them to see where our food is, and find that they’re closed.
• Saturday noon: The subways and buses shut down. My best friend texts me and asks how I’m doing. I tell her we’re STARVING TO DEATH.
• Saturday afternoon: I call around to every restaurant in the neighborhood. One pizzeria is open. We order enough calzones and pizza for two days.
• Saturday afternoon: Kamran realizes I’ve had some roses he bought me sitting in a vase for approximately two months now and curses me under his breath as he throws them away and fills his apartment with stinking water smell. I tell him to take it down a notch, because this is Hurricane Weekend, and we’re trapped in his apartment together for two days.
• Saturday afternoon: The mandatory evacuation of the neighborhood where my office is begins. My dad texts me and tells me to go to Kamran’s, which of course I already have. My great-aunt calls to make sure I’m still alive. It hasn’t even started raining at this point.
• Saturday evening: Kamran’s building warns that we won’t be able to flush the toilets if the power goes down. We consider filling his bathtub full of water for approximately three seconds. Then we consider at least filling his sink. Then we go back to watching “Jersey Shore”.
• Saturday evening: I buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake ice cream from the convenience store in Kamran’s building and eat it all, citing once again that it’s Hurricane Weekend.
• Saturday evening: Kamran and I do absolutely nothing to prepare for what’s about to happen overnight, deciding that if the water reaches us at more than ten stories high, we deserve to die.
• Sunday, 3 a.m.: I wake up to some light sprinkling outside.
• Sunday noon: Absolutely nothing has happened.
• Sunday afternoon: Everyone feels really embarrassed about those 24 gallons of water taking up 3/4 of their studio apartments.
• Sunday evening: Kamran and I go outside for the first time since Friday night to survey the damage and find what amounts to this:
Which is basically what we expected. But on our way back, his neighbor tells us about this downed tree around the corner in the other direction:
So that’s kind of impressive, I guess. Still, overall, quite a bust.
24 Comments
I hadn’t even though to use the hurricane as an excuse for the two pints of Ben and Jerry’s that B and I ate this weekend (boston cream pie and americone dream). Good thinking!
Americone Dream is our favourite! Well, that and Haagen-Dazs Dulce de Leche. Have you tried the Jimmy Fallon Ben & Jerry’s, Late Night Snack? Potato chips! But totally still not as good as Americone Dream.
Ben & Jerry’s makes red velvet ice cream? Is it good?
Kamran has a convenience store in his apt? Why don’t I?
Also this was basically my weekend too, except I ordered Dominoes like a class act and never feared I would starve to death despite the fact that I was one of those people who filled up Saturday’s Fresh Direct slots … and then got canceled on. Also I don’t think I’ve ever had a bouquet of roses.
I’m still bitter about dinner Sat. night. It was just RAIN. A LITTLE.
I’d never seen it before, either. It was great if you like strawberry, and I do. It wasn’t so great if your idea of red velvet cake includes chocolate, and mine doesn’t. It had cake and batter and frosting. Can’t beat that.
My apartment building has had an empty retail space in front since we moved in, and just recently, we saw something going into it and hoped it was a bodega kind of thing. Turns out its a PRESCHOOL. I want to die.
The new Domino’s recipe is garlicky and buttery and all that is good. No shame. I can’t believe your FD order got canceled! So lame. It was RAIN, people. And not that much of it.
Oh, wait, you said that in your comment. Anyway, periwinkles on Friday! (For you and Kamran. Not me.)
*whew* Sometimes no excitement is the best kind… of excitement. Very happy to hear you remain unscathed, U.M.!
Now where did I put that Cherry Garcia?
:)
D-oh! I totally should have said something about how someone needs to reverse the arrow on that sign!
:)
You knooooooooow. I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever had Cherry Garcia. I know it’s one of THE classic flavors, but the idea of cherries never excites me. But as I was thinking about how cherries don’t excite me, I suddenly remembered that growing up, we ALWAYS had a gallon of cherry chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer for my dad. How strange that I forgot about him eating that stuff for 20 years. Now he lives a strangely non-ice-creamed life thanks to my healthy-livin’ stepmom.
See, this is the one time that my being a domesticated loser would come in handy. We’ have enough *homemade* calzones to last you two days.
Chew on that for a while.
Do your homemade calzones come in giant boxes that won’t fit in the fridge, thereby “forcing” us to eat the whole thing in one sitting? I DIDN’T THINK SO.
Sorry, just trying to make myself feel better.
No, but they’d be made with love, not pent up half italian half Jersey aggression.
I love red velvet cake. It’s one of my very favorites. So of course when I saw that B&J flavor, I scooped it up. I was so disappointed! I wanted to like it, I really did, but it was almost too sweet and very artificial red velvet tasting to me. I guess I like mine more chocolatey.
Glad to hear you guys made it through unscathed. Sounds a lot like here when they predict snow. Everything shuts down and nothing usually happens.
I can see how it’d be a tough sell for a real red velvet cake aficionado. That’s usually the very last cake I’ll choose if given a selection, because I don’t like the way it’s usually just chocolate cake with red food coloring (though I love the cream cheese frosting). So for me, the fact that it didn’t taste chocolatey was a selling point.
I love the different weather freakouts all over the U.S. I remember when one of my friends moved to Austin from NYC, and they sent everyone home from work early because there was, like, a smattering of snow on the ground.
So disappointing! Did you at least hear some high winds whistling or anything?!
Literally nothing. I heard the pitter-patter of rain on Kamran’s air conditioner for, like, three seconds and went back to sleep. There must have been some wind to knock that tree over, but it’s just as likely that someone hit it with their car or that their dog peed too violently on it.
I’m so spending my next hurricane with Ben and Jerry.
I didn’t realize the ice cream was going to be the focal point of this post for everyone. I wonder if they should be paying me for this advertisement. I would tattoo a lot of things to my body for a certain price, you know.
I had more of a hurricane with Gustav and Ike in 2008, and I live in St. Louis. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY.
But you knew that was going to happen when they gave them those names. Gustav and Ike are party names. Irene is for grandmas.
I like your thinking! My fav’s New York super Fudge Chunk. I figure if I’m going to eat ice cream, I’m going to eat ice cream. No messin’ around. Glad you guys are okay.
Oooh, I like that one, too! I tried it accidentally at work because it was the only flavor left in our freezer, and I was GOING to have ice cream, dammit. I’m usually not a fan of nuts in ice cream, because I don’t like the way they get stuck in my teeth and ensure that the last thing I taste when the ice cream is all gone is teeth-nuts, but they, like, caramelize the nuts or something so they’re like candy and don’t get stuck in your teeth, right? Amazing!
This is so funny. And it reminds me, the oatmeal added a rejoinder type message to the latest “weather” cartoon yesterday (I am assuming in response to criticism). Why should people have to apologize for being pissed at media hype??
We got a lot of rain here Saturday night. By Sunday the storm had moved west as it moved north, so we got more wind than anything. Being right on the coast, we tend to get a lot of wind w/ storms anyway. I’m glad it only killed our corn (and not our car).
I too love Ben & Jerry’s red velvet cake. I first found it a couple months ago on a rare date night trip to whole foods. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Very good choice for a hurricane. Cannot be too prepared.
I actually love the follow-up message, because it’s true, and you can’t always fit everything you mean into a comic. Which is why I write lengthy, lengthy posts. But gimme a break, people who complained.
Of COURSE you guys go to Whole Foods on Date Night. I’m glad the storm passed over you and gave you plenty of zucchini-cookin’ time!
I was really hoping you guys were OK, not only because you’re my BBFF, but also because I felt super guilty for being jealous of all the rain you guys were getting.
If it doesn’t rain here soon, I may lose my COTTON-PICKIN’ MIIIIIIIIND.
Ben and Jerry’s makes Red Velvet Cake ice cream? I need to find this magic. I just bought Clusterfluff but I haven’t tried it yet.