Like the other 99% of Americans who think “Big Brother” season 13’s Rachel is catty, fake, pathetic, and trainwrecky, I saw right through her ruse about Cassie being a threat and a liar. Cassie is pretty and sweet, and Rachel is pock-faced and bitchy. (When the Head of Household trivia competition revealed that America thinks Porsche’s more likely to steal a man than Rachel is, Kamran said it’s not because Rachel doesn’t want to be a homewrecker but because no other man would ever have her.) (Also, yes, there is a woman on “Big Brother” named after a car.) I was as disappointed as anyone when Cassie was voted off, but I was even more disappointed by her exchange with host Julie Chen in her “reaction” interview:
Cassie did such a great job of not saying, “I am pretty and therefore everyone hated me,” but twice she made fun of herself for not even trying to look good while on the show, and twice when Julie said, “But you still looked gorgeous,” Cassie ignored the compliment. I don’t know why, but that makes me so uncomfortable. I don’t think my parents taught me to duck compliments, but somewhere along the way, I started laughing off or denying most nice things people might say to me. And it seems like it’s that way with a lot of the really talented people I know, too. Kamran, for instance, told me he went to “grad school in New Jersey” on our first date instead of bragging that he got his Ph.D. from Princeton. And my best friend, Tracey, will never tell you that she’s an amazing writer/scrapbooker/singer.
It’s like we all think looking like we all have no self-esteem is favorable to just saying “thank you”. Or maybe we’re all so secretly full of ourselves that we know our answer to any compliment will accidentally be, “I know, right?”
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I’ve always been a compliment dodger… until I had a kid. If someone tells me she’s beautiful, I’ll say “Thank you,” or “I think so too.” Just another annoying parent. :)
That seems different! They’re not exactly complimenting you, although it was certainly partly your fault she ended up so cute.
Now I’m imagining myself having a kid and someone complimenting her and me being like, “Yeah, she’s okay, but you should smell her diapers.”
I’ve been practicing that since I was about 14. And I’ve been telling people – especially younger girls – “just say thank you” for almost as long. But I keep on slipping up! I found myself doing the dismissive thing recently. Worse than ignoring!
However, an “I know, right?” is totally acceptable if someone is complimenting you on something you’ve done, rather than looks. Like, I try to work in certain brags whenever I can. Like the one about the poetry contest that was judged by Margaret Atwood where I won first place. Because that is AWESOME.
Dismissing, to me, shows humility, while ignoring shows the exact opposite. But a simple heartfelt “thank you” is usually just as humble, I know.
I like Certain Brags as the title for your new blog, too. That one should probably work itself casually into the first post.
I’m a serial compliment dodger too. I’d rather appear humble, lest the complimenter might think there erred in saying something nice about an egotistical douchebag.
Exactly! No one wants to tell the prettiest girl in school that she’s pretty. That’s why I try to stay ugly. So I can get compliments.
And when I still can’t get compliments, I fish for them. See what I did there? OH!
I was a compliment dodger until I was 13, and a friend said, “You know, when you protest, you’re just trying to get people to keep saying it.” That shut me up and got me to say “Thank you.” I now have a wildly overinflated sense of self; I don’t wait for people to compliment me, but by the same token, I compliment the hell out of other people. I don’t look for things to compliment, and I don’t ever do it disingenuously, but if I spot it, I’m speaking up. On the way back to STL, in the bathroom at JFK, I was so tired I could cry, but also, the girl ahead of me in line had the most beautiful curly hair. When I told her so, she deflected. SIGH.
I think protesting is a way for me to open up the door for further conversation. The women in the office next to mine, for instance, will mention my hair every now and then when we meet in the shared bathroom in the hallway. If I just said “thanks”, that would be the end of it, but if I doge the compliment and instead make fun of my hair, it opens the door for them to make fun of their hair and then for us to talk about how awful women are in general. BFFs!
I really appreciate a complimenter and try to be a complimenter, too. It’s only annoying when you have friends who look perfect all the time.
This is actually one of my pet peeves, and I am absolutely determined that when someone pays Harper a compliment, she will learn to say a genuine and heartfelt but humble “thank you” and move on.
(My mom is the worst compliment-dodger on the face of the planet, and it GETS. ON MY LAST. GD. NERVE.)
Also teach her that she doesn’t have to immediately return a compliment to the complimenter! That’s just about equally annoying.
I totally have ‘Poker Face’ in my head now.
And interestingly enough I have a hard time accepting compliments about my meat suit.
:)