Remember how I went to Ohio on June 8th for my cousin Bethany’s graduation from vet school? No? Me neither. But here are some pictures that prove I was there or am at least really good at Photoshop!
My best friend, Tracey, was teaching a papercrafting class at the Columbus Museum of Art’s Craftacular Spectacular event, so we arrived early to take lewd pictures of her
in the “Don’t Eat the Art” exhibit
before giving in to our basest desires and dipping our hands into the rhinestone, glitter, and button bucket:
Apparently all of the students at the nearby Columbus College of Art and Design hated this sign when it went in outside the art museum (I believe it’s referred to as the “FART sign”), but I love it:
That night, we were supposed to go dancing at Skully’s as always, but I realized I’d only brought flip-flops and heels home. You can never have too many Chucks, so I was naturally pleased for an excuse to buy some new ones to leave at Tracey’s house. She was naturally pleased to be given an opportunity to step all over them with her own beer-drenched Chucks as we danced, because nothing looks so disgustingly new as new Chucks:
The next afternoon, I went to the HISTORIC Marcy Diner near my childhood home–which amazingly has a website that includes mention of the “pop” they sell–with my dad to eat $1 coney dogs. AND SOMEHOW DID NOT TAKE A SINGLE PICTURE OF THE EVENT. But you can bet it was a better hot-dog-eating experience than any I’ve had in fancypants New York City.
That night, I went to a big swanky vet school soiree with my cousin, Bethany, that Ohio State president E. Gordon Gee seemed to randomly happen upon, like he was taking a shortcut through the ballroom in the student union without realizing there was anything going on in there. Everyone was taking pictures with him, and I was all, “Wait, why?”, but this is for Bethany:
The next night, I went to dinner with Bethany and her family, and we spotted this gem in the Barnes & Noble parking lot:
Afterward, we went to her Doctor of Veterinary Medicine hooding ceremony. I guess this is a hooding:
I call it a choking.
She was simultaneously totally annoyed by all of the pictures I took and secretly thinking she was Wonder Woman:
Then we went to Applebee’s (!) for drinks (!), and Bethany’s brother paid for the whole shebang but not before complaining about Bethany’s $6.50 cocktail. I was confused until they informed me that $6.50 is actually expensive for a drink, and the $16 I’m now used to paying in NYC is offensive.
The next day, my dad and I skipped church (!) and went to Rooster’s for lunch instead of our usual Bob Evans. Adventurous! Then we came back to the house and watched my stepsister, Jenny, shave her girls’ 4-H pigs, which are being kept in my dad’s and stepmom’s back yard. Appaaaaaaaaaarently, 4-H judges think they look better when they’re hairless:
I think they’re the cutest things ever no matter what:
But especially when they’re being fed marshmallows:
Before I’d come home, a giant storm took out trees and power lines all over Ohio, and my family’s compound suffered some wild damage. Not only did a tree fall over onto the front porch, but the limb of another blew off onto the garage, revealing that it was hollow inside! And full of bees!:
That night, Tracey and I went to visit our longtime other best friend, Katie, her daughters Maria
and Evelyn (who looks like Toby from Labyrinth, Tracey decided this week),
and her husband-whom-I-introduced-her-to-because-I’m-the-best-matchmaker-ever-but-only-because-I-tried-to-date-him-first-and-he-totally-rejected-me-but-I-still-love-him, Nick:
After being served dinner by Katie, we all went to the backyard so I could take wildly adorable family pictures of them:
and then we watered Katie’s garden.
Well, Katie watered her garden.
The rest of us played in the water.
Well, some of us played in the water while some of us licked the water from the watering can:
Then we went back inside to enjoy the Cheesecake Factory desserts Tracey had brought (the only Cheesecake Factory I had on the entire trip!) and to watch Katie play with her new toy:
Until Tracey got too jealous and needed to see how much she remembered from her one quarter of string instrument training while getting her music education degree at OSU:
And that was it! Tracey and I spent the next day chowing on pizza and Graeter’s ice cream at the mall, and then she dropped me off at the airport so I could return to my babyless, pigless, expensive-drink world.
26 Comments
That’s only 24 photos! And I even counted the side-by-side ones as two.
I’m sorry, you came here looking for honesty? From ME?
Looks like Ohio to me– especially that really sweet Columbus Museum of Art. ;-)
The pictures of Tracey at the Craftacular literally make me smile every time I look at them.
Speaking of which, I owe you some pictures, huh? I’m going to put them in a Dropbox folder and invite you to it in one second.
Thanks! That was super speedy. And I also love the Don’t Eat the Art photo. And the One of Tracey in front of the door. We could probably make her a CMA poster gal if she’s cool with that…
I’M certainly cool with that! Put her in a 1950s bathing suit and let her do pinup poses all over the art.
Please do not talk badly about Gordon Gee. He is my hero. Mostly because he is Mormon, of course.
And is Pumpkin Show the next time you grace Ohio with your presence?
Weird! How did a Mormon get into a position of power like that? I thought we were all about our religious persecution in this country.
Right now, I’m looking at October 18th – 23rd for my next Ohio trip. With Kamran in tow! But you know how these things go: I might not be able to stay away that long.
pig’s snout + marshmallow = a match made in cute, soft squishy heaven. I’m not even sure if pig’s snout is soft or squishy, but it definitely looks that way in your pic. love it! oh yeah, the kids are really cute too :)
It’s surprisingly hard and wet, but still! Totally cute! And you don’t know how much of my childhood was spent contemplating what things I’d most like to put in a pig’s nostrils.
Yes, 16 dollars is totally offensive. I’d pay that much for a bottle of wine. Just kidding.
Kind of.
Those kids are a-freaking-dorable. Adorable.
Wow, it IS offensive when you put it that way. My absolute favourite bottle of wine is $30, I think, so a mere glass of something I like much less shouldn’t be half of that.
THANKS FOR RUINING PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS FOR ME, CASSIE.
Well, how drunk do you plan on getting at 16 dollars a pop?!
Oh, um, I kind of get drunk on one glass. Is that embarrassing?
No fear, I’m with you. Gosh, a bottle would be a bit much, then, huh? Hell, I smell the stuff and I’m snoshed
GRAETER’S!!!!
p.s. Does everyone you know have fantastic skin (I’m looking at you, Tracey) or is that your camera?
I’m so glad you get it now. I went to a Cape place this weekend that claimed to have “peanut butter chip” ice cream, but there were no half-pound chunks of chocolate to be seen. Psh.
YES. Ohio is somehow so conducive to good-skin-making. The air is clean, the humidity is high, and the water is pure. When I moved to NYC, I was SHOCKED to get zits for the first time in my life.
Shaving pigs?! That sounds like it should be a competition at a fair. And that car! Wow. You make Ohio look fun.
Ohio doesn’t need me to make it look fun! It IS fun! Or just full of weirdos.
I love how Maria raunched up the most perfect family photo ever by groping Katie’s breast.
I totally didn’t notice that! Stop looking at our friend’s boobs all pervily! Or stop looking at our friend’s child’s hands all pervily!
I only like small and medium sized marshmallows.
Those giant ones don’t taste quite right.
Annabelle tells me I’m crazy – they are all composed of the same synthetic goo.
I am crazy. But I’m also totally right about this.
:)
1) Tracey looks crazy-gorgeous in pretty much every shot.
2) Maria is totally copping a feel.
Papercrafts, pigs and marshmallows.
You are truly the luckiest person I know.
That pic of her licking the watering can is perfect! So glad you had a good time – truly seems like a “home” to go back to. Neat. :)
Every time I read about your return trips to Ohio, I smile. And then smile some more. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to see you with your friends & family — NOT that your NYC friends are spectacular too, it’s just that in Ohio you are truly in your element. I love it. Thanks so much for sharing!