“American Idol” is the Only Drama Left in My Life

Filed under a taste for tv, living in new york is neat, music is my boyfriend

I kinda don’t have anything to say right now. Kamran’s finished with law school and the bar exam, so we’ve been doing crazy things like

1) going to the 3-Michelin-starred restaurant Kamran swore he wouldn’t take me to until I agreed to eat their signature oysters-and-caviar dish (and I did! (and liked it!!)),

2) driving to see our friend Anthony’s in Long Island with a bunch of other friends so he could make us a real home-cooked Italian meal in a house with a kitchen that’s its own separate room and not just a counter on one side of the living room, and

3) going for weekend walks in secret parts of the city and finding a 100-square-foot (i.e. normal-sized for Manhattan) wine store that happened to carry our favourite wine, the J.J. Prüm Riesling Kabinett Graacher Himmelreich 2008. We’re totally drinking with our preservative-free, microwaveable FreshDirect vegetarian meals now. One of us is drinking out of an actual wine glass that came with Kamran’s apartment (I was under the impression he had purchased wine glasses himself when I first met him and was impressed with how grown up it seemed, despite not actually liking wine), but the other glass broke at some point, so one of us is drinking out of a mug. Classy.

Anyway, life is good, and about the only thing stressing me out right now is deciding if I’m going to watch this season of “American Idol” or not. Obviously I watched all of the auditions, because that’s the only time you actually get to see people with singing talent. By the time you get around to the live show, the judges have weeded out anyone who doesn’t add Christina-Aguilera-ish runs to the end of every song.

I think the only reason I’m even remotely interested in watching this season is to see all the hacks and jerks get kicked off. A handful of the contestants are actually bad: Thia Megia, Tatynisa Wilson, Rachel Zevita, Kendra Chantelle, and Julie Zorrilla. A couple of the contestants are just unlikeable: Clint Jun Gamboa and Jordan Dorsey. There’s the one guy who’s an Adam Lambert ripoff: James Durbin. And most everyone else is just generic.

Here are the only four I care about:

American Idol Season 10

• Brett because he’s a total freak with a voice to match.

• Casey because he scats in a not-annoying way and because he’s what Kamran calls a slobthrob, which is of course a slob who also happens to be a heartthrob.

• Paul because he may legitimately be Rod Stewart.

• Scotty because his voice suits him so little it’s almost cartoonish. He could put out a country album tomorrow and have it sound better than anything out there right now.

I don’t think any of them can actually win, of course, because they’re all too good. Kamran promises me we’ll make it through the season with the help of the trusty fast-forward option on the DVR, but maybe I should make a pact with myself to stop watching once the four of them get kicked off to avoid the pain of having to watch someone like Lee DeWyze win again.

19 Comments

  1. Jessica R. says:

    I don’t normally watch American Idol, but I’ve tuned in this season mostly out of love for Steven Tyler. That being said, I completely agree with your assessment of the contestants. Those four are also my favorites, though I bet you that blonde that sings the Aerosmith songs will win. And ditto on the Adam Lambert clone.

    And I’m so excited to start incorporating “slobthrob” into my vocabulary.

    • Isn’t Steven Tyler the BEST JUDGE? I love all three of them, actually, but Steven cracks me up with the way he so obviously wants to try out for the show himself. Although I wish he wasn’t so easily won over by cute girls, as in the case of the Aerosmith-singing blonde.

      I wish I had a slobby-cute manfriend I could talk into buying slobthrob.com.

  2. Dishy says:

    I must be one of the few people who isn’t or wasn’t ever into American Idol – and sometimes, I wonder if I truly missed/ am missing something. Every other singer on the radio seems to have been born on the show.

    *crawling back under her rock*

    *sighing contentedly*

    • I half-cared about the first season, didn’t watch for several seasons, accidentally saw some auditions a couple of years ago and realized I liked them, and then found myself caught up in the show after that. There’s always one or two people who can REALLY SING at the auditions, and I get excited for them, but then America always really gets me down by choosing the wrong winner. Plus, the show is just so over-the-top cheesy and overproduced and makes every song sound like it’s from a Kidz Bop album, if that reference means anything to you.

      So what I’m saying is–watch the auditions sometime if you truly like to hear people sing. But don’t let yourself get caught up in the show.

  3. Noel says:

    This is the moment I’ve been dreading: when someone either mentions or blogs about “American Idol” and I have absolutely nothing to add to the conversation because I’m deliberately not watching the show. I’ve been dreading this moment because I feared I would feel out of the loop and uncool and like I’m eating at a lunch table all by myself…and what do you know, it does kind of feel like that. But I will stay strong.

    I vote for your idea of tuning out once those four guys get voted off, though. There literally is not a day that goes by during which I do not think of Andrew Garcia and his amazing talent and curse that damn Lee DeWyze. Spare yourself the pain.

    • I was just looking at Andrew Garcia’s photo on the season 9 page yesterday and bemoaning his early departure. Same with my good friend Anoop from season 8, although he legitimately didn’t perform on the show nearly as well as his auditions made me think he would.

      (Haha, I just went and watched, like, 15 minutes of Anoop videos.)

      So, did you watch any of the videos in the links I posted, or is it too painful? Because seriously, those guys are good. I totally understand your not wanting to watch the show, though.

  4. Lisa says:

    I’ve never been able to handle the audition stage. It makes my ears bleed! And it always makes me sad to think of how many good contestants they turn away just to air some crappy ones.

    I gave up on AI after the person I wanted to win didn’t for the 50 millionth time. I clearly don’t have the same musical taste as the general population of America (which is fine by me, considering the crap they usually pick).

    • What’s weird is when America somehow lets a really good person get all the way to the end, though. Like, last year, this girl Crystal with dreads and terrible teeth got runner-up, and she could actually sing! Of course her eventual defeat had me yelling at my TV, but I was fascinated by the fact that America almost got it right.

      I really get a kick out of the people who really, truly think they can sing. I just don’t like to watch the judges laughing at them.

      Okay, I’m lying. I like that, too.

  5. Erika says:

    YOU WENT TO PER SE???? JEALOUS. When I was in NYC last weekend I worked a day in their kitchen with the pastry chef to see if I wanted to do my internship there. Everything was totally amazing and ridiculous and I’ll never in my life be able to afford to eat there. They gave me a vegetarian meal at the end of the day but it was just some rice, vegetables and a teeny salad so even though I technically ate there I am totally ridiculously jealous. What did they feed you?? The only thing I got to eat that they actually serve was one of the desserts, sponge cake with white chocolate buttecream and hibiscus pate de fruit with some other retardedly good sauces and weird foams.

    So yes, please tell me all about it. I’m totes jello.

    • “Totally amazing and ridiculous” is the best way to describe it. It was like, “Okay, there’s your nine-course meal with wine pairings. Haha, gotcha! Here’s another course of caramels, truffles, French macarons, hard candies, and chocolate-covered hazelnuts! Haha, gotcha again! Here’s some popcorn-flavored ice cream! HA, YOU FOOL, here’s fresh beignets and coffee-flavored ice cream.”

      I’ll have to link you to the review on donuts4dinner.com when I get it up. Tasting menus overwhelm me so much that it takes me forever to write about them, but I don’t want to forget anything about Per Se. A five-donut restaurant for sure. Even the vegetarian menu looked like it was worth the money.

      So are you going to intern there? The desserts were FANTASTIC, and by the looks of yours, you’d fit right in.

      • Erika says:

        I decided not to go there because I wouldn’t really get to do anything other than make cookies every day for three months without pay. I’m going to go to Gilt at the New York Palace Hotel which is a 2 michelin star. The pastry chef is super creative and inspiring and is going to let me do a little of everything, so I would actually be using things I’ve learned, even chocolate and sugar work. Oh and he also started his career working for Ina Garten AKA THE BAREFOOT CONTESSA which makes me happy and I’m not entirely sure why.

        I did get to taste the beignets (CRAZY DELICIOUS) and they sent me home with truffles that i hoarded and treated like gold. The little macarons were adorable but the milk chocolate truffles were the clear winners for me – whatever is inside them is so salty and delicious, I nearly shed tears when I ate the last one. But yeah, no surprise they have 3 michelin stars – everything they do they double and triple check to make sure it’s perfect, and there is no talking in the kitchen (!!!) so that you can focus completely on the products. In addition, the kitchen is spotless and so organized and everyone there is completely dedicated to taking care of their customers, it was just an amazing experience, I hope I can eat there some day for real!!!

        • That’s interesting, because on one hand, I’ll bet it’d be pretty nice to say you worked at Per Se. On the other hand, getting a bunch of usable experience with SOMEONE WHO CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO INA GARTEN is way more valuable. Especially if you then introduce me to her and we all spend summers at her house in the Hamptons. She is definitely my favourite TV chef. Plus, Gilt is totally beautiful, and I’ll bet just being in that environment is going to make your day every day.

          You know, by the time we got to dessert, we were totally stuffed and totally drunk, so I was basically shoveling the truffles in my mouth just so they didn’t go to waste. I’m not sure Kamran ate more than one. Same with the macarons. So I’ll bet it was much more enjoyable to take them home and savor them like that. We did pocket a ton of those hard candies, and they sent us home with chocolate sandwich cookies, so we at least got to really enjoy something later.

          Our server took us on a tour of the kitchen, and while I remember it being spotless, the lack of talking is a surprise. I guess that explains why all of the chefs looked up when we came stumbling in. Sad face.

          • Erika says:

            It would be nice for sure to say I worked at Per Se, but I decided I’d rather be challenged to use the skills I learned than work at a place only making cookies just for the name. And yeah Gilt is like…. to die for. Gooooorgeous. And I would get to walk by 30 Rock every day which would make me feel special.

            I’m pretty sure everyone who comes into the kitchen is drunk. When I was there I saw a pregnant lady in 4″ stilettos – doubt she was drunk, but definitely an idiot.

            • After I made Kamran read your comment, I think he got a little excited about Gilt’s menu. Maybe we’ll have to come eat there while you’re working so we can sample your skillz.

              Almost six years later, walking by 30 Rock still makes me feel special. Although I felt that way everywhere in L.A., too. I guess coming from Ohio probably makes that happen.

              Well, it helps to know that the kitchen expects me to act like an idiot. (Although I don’t wear 4″ heels, even when not pregnant.) When we visited the Daniel kitchen and met the chef, we didn’t think to say our names or compliment his work or anything, so I was pleased that Per Se knew not to bother with anything other than just letting us look.

              • Erika says:

                Oooh you ate at Daniel too?? I applied there and Le Bernardin as well. Both called me back but they both wanted 3 months unpaid. My program is 6 weeks and that’s about as long as I’m willing to be away from my boyfriend and my dog.

                Sometimes I feel special in LA and sometimes I don’t. Like when I’m in Beverly Hills or something I feel like everyone is richer and more important than me and that I should probably take my forever 21 wearing ass back to the Valley. And Hollywood is disgusting, so I don’t ever feel special being there. I do like to do things like go to the beach on Christmas day just because I can, or when people visit, take them to the dog park I go to that’s right below the Hollywood sign. This is super OT but I feel like New York is different from LA in that way – in LA it’s all about the car you drive and what you wear and all flashy, show-offy look at me mentality because 90% of people that live here are actors or musicians or directors and ultimately want to be adored, but in New York, people are a lot more humble. Like everyone takes the train or the bus and walks, and very important people get driven around in their black town cars but whole streets don’t shut down upon their arrival.

                I could be totally wrong though, haha.

  6. Tracey says:

    Casey Abrams FTW!

    Because of the non-annoying scat, of course, but mostly because of the upright bass.

    Also, I can’t believe you’re blogging about this and we haven’t even talked about it! Have we actually been talking to each other about our OWN lives instead of TV? That needs to be remedied.

    • That bass was pretty great. I just hope someone coaches him to stop talking about how hot he is, ’cause obviously I can’t actually be attracted to someone who constantly touts his attractiveness. Even if it comes from a place of insecurity.

      What else do we even have to talk about, TV-wise? “Top Chef” and “Degrassi” are sort of it. We did watch a totally great episode of “Family Ties” last night about some black people moving into the neighborhood. It WENT there.

  7. “Slobthrob.” Awesome! Now I have a name for my type of guy!

    • Anyone with a head that well-manicured and a sweater collection that vast can’t be considered a slob. Unless you weren’t referring to Blake and actually find your husband totally unattractive.