I hate to admit that advertisements sometimes work on me. I used to have a roommate who would mute the TV every time the commercials came on so she could avoid being sold to, and I always loved her for that. The advent of the DVR has obviously made it easier to live commercial-freer, but I’m still met with ads I can’t ignore on the streets and subways.
And it’s not always a bad thing. After seeing FreshDirect trucks all over town, I finally convinced the ever-reluctant Kamran to try it, and it turned out to be kind of life-changing for us. Not only is it much less expensive than Manhattan-based grocery stores because they don’t have to pay Manhattan rent, but they also offer the kind of selection you could never find at small Manhattan retailers. We used to have to make a choice every weekend to walk in one direction to the health food store or in the other direction to the traditional grocery store, but FreshDirect has both your traditional (meaning terrible) items like sugar-free Jell-o and your local, organic, pastured, antibiotic-free stuff. And they deliver it right to your door. Swoon.
I have a problem, though. Last night, I saw an ad on the subway for Soap.com, and when I checked it this morning, I found that they have my lotion, my powder foundation, and my shampoo at Ohio prices. (Yes, I kind of feel bad about not supporting my local economy, but I feel worse about paying $9 for a $5 bottle of mostly water.) So obviously I want to order from them, but here’s my dilemma: they have the toilet paper Kamran likes but that none of our local stores carry. I don’t like it because of the way dust-like miniscule paper particles fly all over the place every time I rip a sheet off, but I think he really misses the stuff.
Do I order from them, save a bunch of money, get my bathroom essentials delivered for free, and risk having a dusty bum again? Or do I go to a retail store, pay Manhattan prices, and continue to ruin Kamran’s life with my super-soft, non-shreddy toilet paper?
27 Comments
I think you need “His and Hers” toilet paper dispensers. Problem solved!
O. M. G.
You should be a consultant for a bankrupt company or a couples therapist or something.
Order the good stuff and “forget” to tell him they have the good(or bad) toliet paper, its our little secret.
Maybe I should make a deal and order the awful toilet paper for him in exchange for also getting to order some reeeeeeeeally girly-smelling body wash.
I can’t believe I am saying this (poster child for buy local) but dammit. Use the online service. There I said it. now must hide.
I feel bad! At least FreshDirect is a local company.
I forget–have you read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle?
Do I have it? YES. Have I read it? Umm…. Not enough hrs in the day?
Dude. I was under the impression that those Charmin commercials with the bears with dusty butts were lying. That has legit never happened to me. What the hell kind of terrible TP is he using, exactly? And what kind of weirdo likes that effect? Clearly it bothers enough people for Charmin to think it is appropriate for them to put commercials on the air where bears have clumps of paper on their furry asses and frankly it makes me a little uncomfortable just looking at it.
Also, don’t pay $9 for a bottle of shampoo. That’s unacceptable. Move back to Ohio. OR: Kentucky. Louisville is nice this time of year.
I used to think those commercials were unnecessary, too! But once our local stores stopped carrying Scott Extra Soft and we had to switch to the Charmin Extra Soft, I totally realized the difference! I was literally that little bear with the chunks of toilet paper stuck to its bum. I don’t know how Kamran avoids them. Maybe no one ever taught me to wipe properly.
My sister has an extra bedroom in her house in Lexington, and that thing calls to me loudly every time I get my grocery bill.
The first time someone told me about those commercials, I thought she was hallucinating. Swear to God.
Just get a Washlet.
I’d take a Washlet, but I’d rather have that fancy sex chair they make first.
If you hadn’t posted it here, he might not have ever known . . .
In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to keep it from him, and he’d be all, “But Katie, your happiness is more important to me than my own. Get the toilet paper you like, AND I’ll pay for it!”
But no.
The needs of my butt trump the needs of others’ butts any day. Dusty butt is not acceptable!
Also, I seriously need grocery delivery.
AMEN.
I guess the person with the more resilient butt gets the shaft, so Kamran will probably get the toilet paper he likes. (See what I did there? A butt/shaft reference AND calling my boyfriend’s butt a pansy.)
I always shunned grocery delivery until I found out the fee is only $6, which is so much less than how much we save using it. What cracks me up are the people who actually go into the store to pick out their things and then pay to have them delivered to their apartments later. That’s how you know you’re rich.
Ooh, I like this kentucky plan. I drove through Louisville, and I thought it was charming.
After about a month of going to UK, my sister came home with a southern accent. NOT OKAY. But they do have Graeter’s down there. And there’s not much I can’t handle for ice cream.
order online!!!
ps i spent this weekend in new york and will be living there in april and may, i don’t understand how you do any grocery shopping at all, ever. i live up four flights of stairs but at least i don’t have to take a train or haul crap down the street as well, jeez. i think i will end up doing exclusively fresh direct!!!
Yay, let’s hang out come April and May! We’ll do a dessert flight at Chikalicious! Or the dessert tasting at wd~50! Or I’ll follow you home some night and force you to bake for me at knifepoint! But, like, in a totally fun and not at all threatening way, of course.
yes, i support this idea!!!! i also want to go to momofuku and get cereal milk soft serve and cookies. SO GOOD.
Surely there are other options that would be more butt-friendly with the online place?
You can’t keep a man from his preferred toilet paper. He bought some of the kind I like this weekend, so I bought some of the kind he likes with my first Soap.com order today. We’re all about the give and take. Your butt’s comfortable one week; mine the next.
BIDET! BIDET!
Seconded.
Do you know that I know someone with an apartment in Jersey that came equipped with a bidet? So ridiculous.
Not that I don’t totally, totally want one.