My boyfriend and I like to talk about how people who don’t live in NYC shouldn’t be allowed to complain about things. It’s not that we don’t think other people’s problems are valid; it’s that problems that are manageable elsewhere are compacted by 100 here.
Hate sitting in your freezing car while it warms up? Hate driving in snow? Try waiting out in the cold for the bus. Try walking through the snow while cabs spray dirty slush onto your slacks.
Think your groceries are too expensive? Don’t have the money to eat out? Here, we pay anywhere from $1 extra to literally twice as much for the same things I used to buy in Ohio. Our grocery stores have one brand of some things and no brands of other things. We go to crappy chain restaurants in Times Square just for the novelty and drop $25 on the plates we used to pay $5 for in our homelands.
Wish you owned your own home? Think your kitchen’s too small? Want more storage space? Hate not having a guest room? Need a new washer/dryer? YOU ARE RIDICULOUS.
I don’t mean to pretend like there aren’t a million benefits to living in NYC, and obviously I love it enough to have spent five and a half years here. It’s just that sometimes I look at my friends lives, and they just seem so easy. I mean, not to put my best friend on the spot here, but she has a bazillion-room house in Ohio with a guest bedroom, an office, and a craft room that she had to put something like 3% down for. (Here, it’s no less than 20% down–even that’s oftentimes not enough–and we’re talking 20% on half-a-million-dollar one-bedroom condos.) She has a two-car garage, every retail giant imaginable right down the street, two personalitied cats and a place to put their litter boxes, the ability to do her laundry right in her house, and three bathrooms that ensure she, her husband, and I can all poo at the same time when I visit. That’s livin’ the dream, man.
But sometimes–and I don’t intend at all for this to sound mean–everything outside of NYC all seems a little generic. Everyone has their carpeted floors and their beige walls, their drive to work with their favourite radio station, their Walmarts and their Red Robins. They have boxes of decorations for each of the holidays and garages full of lawn-trimming equipment, a TV in every room and newspaper clippings of TVs they’d like to buy. The idea of once again having church-going homophobe friends who birth a bunch of babies because they mistakenly think their DNA’s worth passing on sort of makes me sick to my stomach.
Of course, it also seems very familiar, and I’m nostalgic enough to be attracted to that. Sometimes, when my best friend sends me a recipe for homemade Pizza Rolls and I look around my boyfriend’s 250-square foot studio and notice he has no oven, I think, “I will look back at this time in my life someday and ask myself, ‘HOW THE HELL DID I SURVIVE THIS?”’ Sometimes I think about the one-bedroom apartment my boyfriend almost bought, and I crave that extra room and a TV for it. Sometimes I crave an apartment in someplace like Los Angeles or Irvine–places that seemed so not New York City not so long ago–where my boyfriend and I can cook dinner in a room that isn’t also his living room, dining room, office, and bedroom.
How old do you have to be before you can’t live like a college student anymore? But how much will you miss it when you’re not?
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“The idea of once again having church-going homophobe friends who birth a bunch of babies because they mistakenly think their DNA’s worth passing on sort of makes me sick to my stomach.”
Katie Ett, I love you. Will you be my valentine?
Um, obviously, but Kamran foolishly thinks kissing girls counts as cheating, so we’re either going to have to play it platonic while he’s around, or you’re going to have to send him some boobie pictures to convince him it’s cool.
Even if he gets to watch?!
Hmph. Though, I’d bet B feels the same way.
The boob shot may not fly with him either, though I must say, I’ve put on some weight so they’re pretty huge these days.
It’s just so unfair we can’t share our boobs and makeout skillz.
When we write our book about how hard it is being in long-term relationships when we’re sooooooo great and deserve to be shared with people the world over, that will be the title.
Also, you are a tease, madam.
Update: I shared this story with B last night, and he was a bit rankled by my representation of him. I tried to clarify, to see if that meant I COULD make out with girls, but that line of questioning got me nowhere.
We don’t have a Red Robin and I’m not a homophobe thankyouverymuch!
Seriously though, I’m the opposite. I completely romanticize living in a city like New York where amazing restaurants, bars and theatre are right at your finger tips. Where you have all your great, Bohemian friends that you sit around and drink wine with while wearing your awesome designer labels and spotting celebs every day. But I know that I wouldn’t be able to afford that ever and I so could not live the dorm room style life, especially now that I’m married with a kid coming. I lived that way three years in college, and then in a small townhouse another 4 years after that. Now that I’m in a roomy house, I would never go back, not even for beautiful food.
I admire you for living in the Big Apple though, and I will continue to romanticize your lifestyle.
Well, you’re really missing out, as far as Red Robin goes, but I appreciate your lack of gay-hating.
I guess the problem with NYC is that the things that are really great are really great, but there’s this underlying feeling of terror in all of us that we’re just not cut out to live here. On the nights that I do sit around and drink wine on rooftops with my bohemian friends, it feels like nowhere could be more perfect. But on the days when the bus is late and it’s raining so I can’t wear my suede boots and I only brought one glove and am having to alternate which hand I stick in my pocket because I’m carrying things I won’t need until later that night but don’t have a car to stash them in, I just want to throw up my hands.
I guess it’s good that we can all live vicariously through each other.
Dude, I cannot wait to live in the fucking suburbs.
I want to make a New Jersey joke, but instead, I will direct you to this hilarious clip from “Saturday Night Live”.
Anyway, yes! Move to the suburbs! The suburbs of New Jersey! But the kind of suburbs with easy access to the PATH train!
Fuck NJ, I ain’t ever going back there. Unless it’s to go back to my hometown to the tastiest deli in the world. Clearly I meant the Boston suburbs, silly Midwesterner.
Ohhhh, yeah, even Kim Z. has lingering feelings for her hometown. What’s so great about Boston? I’ve never been there, you know. Not even on the $1 bus.
I think this line in your reply to someone above sums it up:
“I guess it’s good that we can all live vicariously through each other.”
I dream that living in a postage stamp-sized apt is the shizitz and will never be able to afford the gazillion-roomed mansion in suburbia, and meanwhile live a perfectly normal life in a 50-odd-year-old house complete with a toilet that will never flush correctly. Ah, home.
Wait, a second. I thought everyone either had a shoebox in the big city or a castle in the suburbs. You’re telling me there’s this third option like the farmhouse I grew up in? Weird.
p.s. I so missed your dash of fun and meanness while I was in Texas! :)
We missed you, too! Hope I’ll get to see some pictures of that bebbe soon.
This is why I absolutely love Chicago: benefits of big city living (including waiting for a bus in freezing temperatures – I don’t have a car, either!) like fanfuckingtastic restaurants, but my boyfriend and I can still afford to rent a two-bedroom place. PLUS we have a big-ass lake. BOOYAH.
I actually do want to go back to Chicago now that I know about all the culinary action you have going on there, but OMG, Elizabeth Emily, I have the absolute worst memories of Chicago weather from the three or four times I’ve visited. If the apartments weren’t so affordable and that bean so shiny, NO ONE WOULD PUT UP WITH IT. You sure do make it seem homey, though.
Seriously. You should visit in summer. That’s how I was sold on the city.
The winters do suck (but it actually seems worse in the Northeast right now). David will be happy when we leave, eventually, for just that reason.
While I enjoy visiting NYC, in no way could I ever live there. You are made of stronger stuff than I.
I think the trick is to come here right after high school or college, when you don’t know any better and are just excited to be able to buy pizza on every streetcorner. Once you get comfortable somewhere else, I can see how this place would seem crazy. Unless you became a millionaire in that other place, because NYC is awesome for rich people.
I don’t understand why living in New York is something to brag about. Anyone can do it. It’s not like there’s an intelligence test, or a personality test, or even a basic personal hygiene test that you need to take to move here. In fact, passing any one of those tests would be an indication that you might not like it here.
Being able to last any period of time in New York is a sort of accomplishment. But so is not cutting your fingernails for 30 years.
Living in New York can be enlightening. When you live someplace like Ohio, you never really get exposed to all that many people while going about your daily routine. It’s easy to believe that people are generally decent, kind, considerate… good.
When you actually ARE around large numbers of strangers every day, you see that most people are mean, selfish, petty and rude.
It still blows my mind when I pass someone on the sidewalk in Columbus and he says hello to me. I sometimes think maybe I’m just romanticizing how nice people are in Ohio, because it’s not like no one ever pulled out in front of me in their car and didn’t wave through their rear window at me, but I really don’t think I am. I saw it in Orange County when we visited, too. There are just too many people here, and all of them were raised poorly. Weirdly, I think I was much less racist and classist and everything else when I was living amongst people who were actually proud of their racism and classism. There, it seemed dumb; here, it seems totally reasonable.
The city itself really is cool, though, and I do think we have access to a lot of things worth bragging about. I know anyone can live here (although god, I wish that wasn’t the case), but I think it takes a more work (or luck) to make a good life for yourself.
Wow, I thought my small hometown was boring and predictable, but now it seems downright charming and an epicenter of culture. If I wasn’t already averse to the midwest for weird claustrophobic reasons I would be now. Probably not your intent, as you really do love Ohio.
I suppose I don’t feel like I still live like a college student despite my lack of space or full-sized oven because I don’t measure my lifestyle by my apartment size, and I don’t eat Easy Mac every night because that would be dramatic and ridiculous. There is affordable food in New York, maybe just not at the most conveniently located bodega. No, I can’t have people over comfortably for extended visits, but I also think grown up people are supposed to be capable of looking into a hotel when they travel outside their own homes.
I think it depends on what you want, and I think it’s kind of funny how many people living here seem to want the exact same things you mentioned in this post, which, as you pointed out, are not really/necessarily attainable here.
I hate driving. I have washers/dryers in my building and I’m okay with them being down two flights of stairs as opposed to inside my actual apartment. I would rather take vacations than have babies (don’t get me started on my friends-who-are-parents and their misplaced bitterness about people who travel) and a fancy vacation per year is cheaper than a baby. I don’t understand what I would do with more than one television. I don’t like living in bubbles even if the people are nicer in them, I think that breeds terrifyingly shallow mindsets and everyone should grow up and realize that everyone isn’t always nice and there are things better than Target and get over it.
I like when things are a little hard, otherwise I think I would get really fat and lazy.
I WOULD like a balcony one day, though.
None of this means I think I’ll live here forever. I tend to think hardly anyone ever stays forever, and the ones who do go crazy. But I do think I’ll go crazy when I leave. Pretty sure everyone goes a little crazy after a certain point, wherever they are. Some people are just obvious about it, and others like to shriek at the top of their lungs how happy they are all the time instead as a way of covering it up. Really I think people just get bored easily.
Also some lady shoved me repeatedly WITH HER BUTT on the subway on Monday morning and I was mad for hours, so I would never say New York doesn’t get you down. But I get more down elsewhere.
Aww, yeah, the last thing I want you to think is that Ohio isn’t a wonderland. If I did move back, I would live in downtown Columbus, and I would have exposed brick and hardwood and a bunch of bike-riding lesbian friends to make up for the ones who voted to ban gay marriage.
I mean, you know I agree with everything you wrote. Public transportation and access to the best restaurants and being able to walk everywhere and living at the epicenter of the music scene and being surrounded by art more than make up for the small apartments and the awful people. I just feel better living here. NYC just pushes you to be better and do more even as it beats you down.
It’s just that I feel scared here in a way that I never felt in Ohio. I never worried about losing my job and not having rent money when my rent was a sixth of my income. The risks are certainly worth the rewards here . . . until you’re homeless.
It just so happens that all of the stars aligned and I ended up with this amazing boyfriend and a job I love and an apartment with multiple bathrooms, but other people are living in squalor here. How many craigslist ads do you see for apartments without living rooms? How many people are sleeping in bedrooms without windows? We just put up with so much.
I know what you’re saying about smallmindedness, though. How different am I just having tried Thai food and known black people and gone into secret rooms to look at knockoff bags? At the same time, I admire how much rural people care about each other. I admire that they all know each other and want to help each other. I wouldn’t know it if my neighbor’s mom died, let alone bring him casseroles every night of the week like our whole town did when my mom died.
I guess you just have to decide what’s most important to you, and I’m not sure I have.
It used to annoy the ever-loving piss out of me when I lived in New Orleans and people in other parts of the country would complain about the heat.
I seriously used to get all rage-y about it, like, “HOT?! YOU THINK YOU’RE HOT? REALLY? BECAUSE I LIVE ON THE SURFACE OF THE GODDAMN SUN WITH A BUNCH OF FUCKERS WHO APPARENTLY BELIEVE IN CATHOLICISM BUT NOT SOAP, SO SHUT YOUR WHINY FACE-HOLE, BITCH!”
I fantasize about living in NYC, but I think I’d be ridiculously out of place in any major city that’s not located in the South.
(You know, what with my good manners and all.)
You’re going to hate me, but I always argue that we have it worse here than anywhere just because we don’t have cars. I know it sucks to get into a hot car in the summer and wait for it to cool down, but it sure does suck to have to walk around in it for hours. And now that they’ve banned stores from cranking up their A/C and opening their doors to pull in weary walkers, there’s no reprieve. Even if you get to take the subway wherever you’re going, your face’ll melt off after 20 seconds in the station.
I know it’s always the “worst” wherever you are, though. Remember a couple of years ago when all of those people were dying in Europe because of a tiny heat wave that amounted to probably half of the crazy temperatures you guys see? I just wanted to yell at all those octogenarians to suck it up.
The Hygiene Police should exist everywhere, though.
I live in LA and we have a lot of the same problems that you do in New York, I promise! We are lucky enough to have a decent sized apartment, but we have to rent out a room in it to afford the astronomical rent. You can’t really go anywhere more than a few miles from your house because of the awful traffic, so even though my good friend lives 4 miles away, it takes me on average 45 minutes to get to or from her house. I’d take public transportation, but it doesn’t go fucking anywhere useful. Then when I get home, I have to park on the street because my building only has one spot for each apartment so at least once a month I am calling the dept of transportation for someone illegally painting the curb in front of their building red and calling parking enforcement to ticket me. When I do laundry, I have to walk down four flights of stairs and pay three freaking dollars in quarters – WHO has that many quarters? I too am from Ohio and I’m used to being able to run out to Walmart or Meijer if I need something at midnight (like a car battery or a goldfish) but here the closest walmart is an hour away and they’re not even 24 hours!
My boyfriend and I recently started looking at houses to see what’s out there. My favorite was the house that was two bedrooms, one bath with only a shower stall that was next to a power plant and directly under the Burbank airport flight path so every time a plane flew overhead, you had to stop talking until it passed because it was so loud. That house was HALF A MILLION DOLLARS.
But I agree with you. I’d rather have these problems than never have left the comfort of my hometown, you know?
WHAT is going on with your Tumblr? Are those things you made? OMG, can you visit and make me a corn souffle? I’m following you so hardcore now.
The traffic really was the one and only thing that put me off about L.A. It was fine when we were just cruising to Pink’s, but when we actually had to meet Kamran’s uncle for dinner and spent an hour driving a couple of miles to the Santa Monica pier, it just seemed crazy. I guess it takes me 45 minutes to get from my apartment to Kamran’s on the subway, though, so maybe drive time wouldn’t bother me if I decide being able to read isn’t as important as being able to sing along at the top of my lungs to the radio.
That parking thing is mindbending, though. You need to find a way to poison those people’s dogs.
I don’t know what to do about housing costs. I think I’m resigned to never owning a home because of all the things you listed, but it’s kind of incredible to me that people with really, really good jobs all have roommates. And there’s nothing we can do about it except move back to Ohio. At least we can console ourselves with being close to water. And your water is even the non-toxic kind you can swim in!
Yes those are things I made!!!! I’m in culinary school to be a pastry chef so if you go back, there’s cakes, cookies, pies, croissants, all kinds of stuff. I still have cake in my freezer, please come eat it because I don’t know what else to do with it. Today we’re making a box out of chocolate and it is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done in my life. Who knew one day chocolate would take years off my life? Not I.
I wouldn’t mind the traffic so much if I could be productive reading or studying, I’d probably even settle for playing fruit ninja or bejeweled. A slow jams CD filled with Backstreet Boys, Nsync and Kci and JoJo helped me through some of the worst rush hour traffic recently, but it’s just absurd that it takes so long to move such a short distance. The only time we really go to the beach is when everyone is out of town (since no one is actually FROM here) over Christmas – we can get there in 20 minutes instead of two hours, it’s spectacular!!
My boyfriend really wants to own a house because we may as well be burning money every time we write a check for our astronomical rent or paint a room or polish the turd that is our apartment, but there’s no way in hell we can afford the $4,000 mortgage payment that goes with the crappiest, smallest half a million dollar house.
Corn souffle sounds amazing. Have you had it before?? What is it like?? Like whole kernels of corn, or like ground up like a corn bread texture??? Do want!!
This was such a fun-to-read post that I can almost not feel a twinge of irritation at the falsest of dichotomies.
But you know I like you lots anyway.
Oh, yooooooou know what I mean. Part of the reason I have so much affinity for Ohio is that I can live on the farm with my family, or I can live in one of the cities and have a lot of the same benefits of NYC. No, there’s no subway, and the most important restaurant still isn’t close the least-important one here, but I did see my first Broadway-originating show in Columbus.
I honestly don’t think there’s anywhere like here, but you can say that about anywhere.
Oh god. But New York has take out food of every variety you can think of. New York has every kind of cultural event you can think of. New York are where all the theater auditions of any significance are. New York has things that stay open past 9 pm.
These things are worth living in a tiny space. I mean, really, compared to space issues in Tokyo, in Hong Kong . . . you’ve got tons of space!
I’ll be honest, though, the 2300 square foot house we’re rockin right now is pretty sweet. It’ll be hard to give up . . . but that’s why we’re going to get rich BEFORE we move to New York, so we can come back when we need breathing room . . .
Love the way you are writing and this entry..
I am complaining that I DON’T live in NYC anymore.. :-)
I’m still stuck w/ the mental image of you, your friend & her husband all using the toilets simultaneously! HAHAHHAH
Seriously though, the greatness of having more than one bathroom cannot be overstated. When we moved from our West Philly palatial estate (really just a twin) with its three bathrooms, to a 2 bedroom apartment (also spacious) but with only one bathroom, it was like crawling back to college with both my kids and all of our pets strapped to my back. I used to live the college life. It is fun. But when you add other family members to the equation, bring on the bathrooms!
I never mind being put on the spot with descriptions of my toilets and cats, but I DO hope no one reading this confuses me with the church-going homophobes.
I lived in NYC all my life and it is a great place to visit, party, and to meet totally hot, drunk chicks in the bars/clubs. But within 6 months of moving here I have 2 SUV’s, a pool, and a 4 bedroom house. Life is short, I couldn’t keep wasting my money renting in NYC.
I bemoan my one room apartment and hate that there’s no oven. The bathtub is also too short and skinny for a proper bath (traditionally, Koreans used the bathtub for soaking the cabbage before it’s made into kimchi) I’d love to have a one-bedroom so I could host book group in style. Every year there’s a lottery when a one-bedroom comes open. I enter then watch my email for results. Then the dream dies. Maybe next year.