I know it’s neither polite nor sanitary, but I got an unexpected nosebleed in my office’s bathroom last week, and a drop of blood hit the blue-tiled floor before I could do anything about it. I lifted my hand to catch the drops that followed, but the blood kept somehow escaping me, and after a few seconds, I stopped trying and just let the floor become littered with my DNA. It felt so good to do something I wasn’t supposed to and to not care.
I’m Sorry If I Gave You AIDS
Filed under jobby jobby job job, potty mouth
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14 Comments
How am I supposed to sneak around the Ladies Restroom now if I can’t go barefoot? Try to be a little more considerate next time Katie.
The only people I know with open wounds on their feet are lepers, and lepers deserve to get AIDS, so . . .
GOD, Katie. Next thing you know, you’ll be peeing on all of the toilet seats.
Okay, can I admit something to you? I’ve been using toilet seat covers for a while now at work, and while I mostly love them, they sometimes get stuck to my butt because of all of the lotion I put ALL OVER MY BODY.
So the other day, I stood up, and the seat cover stuck to me, and I guess the middle part of it touched the seat, and when I pulled it off of me, I noticed that the seat was wet in one place.
I freaked out.
DON’T TELL ANYONE!
OK, so I’m usually not one to use these fancy internet acronyms, but .. TMI .. I mean, seriously .. WTMI ..
I disagree. The internet needed to know your butt is sticky. Seriously.
Sticky, sure, but also super-moisturized and as smooth as eggs.
THAT WAS A PRIVATE CONVERSATION, JACK.
GTFOH, as Anthony says.
I have totally forgotten about the nosebleed at this point. Instead, I’m wondering what brand of lotion you use on your rear.
I mean, not in a pervy way (mostly). But more like I want to know what lotion is still, you know, lotion-y after a few hours. Because mine is not.
It always comes back to beauty products with me.
It was St. Ives Vitamin E, which I only bought because it was on sale for $5 versus the $8 everything else is here, and which I turned out to love.
Dove Cream Oil lotion is my very favourite body lotion ever (the extra dry skin version, even though I don’t have extra dry skin, because it smells way awesomer than the regular stuff), but I can’t pay $10 for the smallest bottle in the world. I just wait until Christmas when I have to check a bag, anyway, and bring gallons of it back from Ohio on the plane with me.
Yes, it’s so easy to overlook the projectile bleeding in the face of a breakthrough in butt-lotion…
If something was marketed specifically as butt-lotion, I would be alllllllll over it. Blotion, they’d call it, to make it less obvious. But we’d all know.
This made me laugh. You know, a dropped eyelash would’ve been sufficient. Blood? Seriously? So cliche.
I, too, am intrigued by the butt-lotion situation.
To make you happy, next time, I’ll just pee on the floor. Everyone else on my floor is always doing it.
With all of this interest in butt-lotion, maybe I should develop a brand myself. It was St. Ives Vitamin E, which is the lotioniest lotion I’ve ever had.