My friend Roy sent me a link to Sketchy Santas yesterday, and while I appreciate their offerings, I think I have a photo of the sketchiest Santa of all:
Tracey may be smiling here, but not ten seconds before, she was crying out in horror from her car at this giant red-faced Santa. The thing has been hanging outside of my Crazy Great-Aunt Dorothy’s house every Christmas for as long as I can remember. The smashed nose is a recent addition, but the duct tape holding it up is not.
We’re thinking it may have been used as anti-American Indian propaganda back in the day. No?
7 Comments
My parents have mugs with this same scary-faced Santa on it, except he is more Caucasian with very rosy cheeks, so if you’d like to drink from creepy Santa’s head I can mail you one :)
Actual conversation while my roommate/boyfriend and I were driving around with hot cocoa looking at Christmas lights (Imagine his voice in a deep south carolinian accent):
He: “Oh, look, it’s a santa cow.”
She: “What? That’s not a santa cow.”
He: “Drive back by, it is, too.”
She: “Ok. See, that’s not a santa cow.”
He: “Well where’s his fuckin’ beard?”
His face may be red, but his beard has some mighty fine texture to it.
oh my god! it’s SATAN-CLAUS!!!! love him! he looks so dashing and devilish!
Ah, duct tape. Every time you write about Ohio, I realize how much it has in common with Louisiana.
Well, you know. Except the subtropical temperatures.
Why is santa so sunburned?? Definitely sketch.
So, I take it Aunt Dorothy hasn’t noticed the scared crying children on her lawn? Just tell them Santa’s a little loaded and his face will return to a normal color when he sobers up.