Nothing You Know About the World is Correct

Filed under there's a difference between films and movies

My mom was an English teacher who had a special interest in mythology (something I know absolutely nothing about, go figure), so growing up, I watched a lot of Clash of the Titans (awesome!) and Labyrinth as my mom prepared her class lesson plans at home (usually the night before). She was known as fruitcake teacher, so finding films that were even casually related to her class subjects was de rigeur.

I didn’t know how important watching those movies as a kid was to me until I found out years later that my best friend, Tracey, was also a Labyrinth fan. We spent countless Friday nights in high school at her house, eating Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food, watching Labyrinth, and transcribing Bush lyrics from the closed captioning on taped episodes of “Saturday Night Live” because we didn’t know anyone who had the Internet and could look them up for us. Which probably explains why neither of us had boyfriends.

Later, I had a week-long love affair with a boy in Columbus simply because one of the approximately ten DVDs he had, Labyrinth was one of them. My ex-boyfriend Todd loved it, Kamran at least tolerates it, and my dear friend Bachelor Girl referenced it in a post just the other day. It’s probably important to you, too, which is why we’re such close blogfriends, right?

The other day, I read my friend Lorraine’s AOL Instant Messenger away message, and it said:

Hey, you remind me of a man.
What man?
Man with the power.
What power?
Power of hoodoo.
You do.
Do what?
Remind me of a man.

Which is, of course, from this scene in Labyrinth:

OR SO I THOUGHT. I IMed Lorraine basically to tell her that she’s an idiot and to quit jacking with my movie quotes, but she informed me (politely) that it’s actually from a Cary Grant movie called The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer:

Unbelievable, right?! What a massacre of everything I thought was true and right in the world. At least the David Bowie version is way better.


  1. Amy says:

    Your mom was a beautiful person that truly helped me make it through that first year of high school. I still think about her every day.

    • Thank you, Amy. It means a lot to know that people still think of my mom now that I know so many people who will never have the chance to meet her. I know she cared for you very much.

  2. Tracey says:

    What you meant by the “no boyfriends” comment was that we were way to cool to have them back then, right?

    • I thought about mentioning your freshman-year boyfriend but figured it best to pretend that never happened. Considering who we went to high school with, yes, I consider my relationship with Ben and Jerry way more worthwhile.

  3. Todd says:

    Have we actually met before? Because if we had, you’d know that I HATE “Labyrinth.” I cannot emphasize the word hate enough there. Hate with a fiery passion. Which might be why we had to break up.

  4. Stephanie says:

    mmmmm, David Bowie.
    I watched that movie just for him and wondered WHY would the girl go back?
    She should have been hit in the head with a monster head and all, “Girlfriend, it’s DAVID BOWIE! Have you seen the tights?!”

    • I know it’s weird, but some women out there evidently aren’t into dating men three times their age. Even when the men sport punky platinum hair in an effort to look younger. I don’t understand it, either.

  5. Noel says:

    I would not be the person I am today were it not for a childhood spent in front of the t.v. engrossed in Labyrinth and Neverending Story. I am so thankful my mother has an unhealthy obsession with David Bowie so that I, unlike many people I know, have experienced the joy that is found in Bowie singing with Muppets!

    • You just made me realize that my mom never once specifically mentioned loving the movie for David Bowie. What a shame that I’ll never be able to ask her over Christmas dinner, “Did you marry Dad just because Bowie wasn’t available?”

      Neverending Story rocks, too. Especially the second one with hot, hot Jonathan Brandis.

  6. caropal says:

    I love Labyrinth. I really, really do. And that is definitely where I first heard that line.


    I love Cary Grant with all my heart, and his banter warms my soul. And my groin. And I will not betray him.

  7. Kelly says:

    Katie Ett referencing Bachelor Girl in a blog entry almost makes me happier than if David Bowie did it.

    I actually, it definitely makes me happier than if David Bowie did it, unless David Bowie referenced me like, “So last night, Iman and I were making out with Bachelor Girl and…”

  8. shawn says:

    I dont remember what name I used to sign in with, however… being a lover of Labyrinth and Cary Grant, I have to say that his use of the venacular that was used by so many teens makes the scene in Labyrinth just that much more iconic!!!

  9. James says:

    Maybe it’s time for a Blu-ray player…