Why are you looking at me every time you pass by my desk?
We’re not friends!
I’m not going to look back!
You’re going to feel bad about yourself!
Tag Archives: jobby jobby job job
That Little Voice in Your Ear
For a short while, the recording that played when you called my company was of my voice. When our new phone system was installed, the woman who records the greetings company-wide was on vacation, so the IT department asked me to record the greeting.
Wait. Actually, they asked me to recommend someone with a good speaking voice to do it. And I was like, “Well, people have TOLD ME that I should be a voice actor. I wouldn’t want to, you know, toot my own horn or anything, but . . .” And they were like, “Oh, all right.” Embarrassing.
Naturally, during this time, I had extensive fantasies involving all of my exes finding out about this and then calling my workplace continuously, waiting anxiously for the part where I seductively said quality assurance. I later went on to do the voiceovers for two of our marketing videos, which I now assume they’ve favourited on YouTube and listen to quietly in the bathroom on their iPhones after dinner, the soothing words enterprise content management system the only thing keeping them from raising their hands to their nagging new girlfriends and wives some nights.
These are the kinds of thoughts that get me through repeated friend request rejections by them on Facebook.
What’s Going on in There?
The door to the women’s restroom in one of my company’s offices. Intriguing.
Accidental Racism is Probably Still Racism
Filed under good times at everyone else's expense, jobby jobby job job, my uber-confrontational personality
Tagged as good times at everyone else's expense, jobby jobby job job, my uber-confrontational personality
Tagged as good times at everyone else's expense, jobby jobby job job, my uber-confrontational personality
Sometimes I pass the one black lady with natural hair on our floor at work and think about that sign I put up that one time on the bathroom door about going to stall #4 “if you want to see the longest pube ever” before I knew there was a long history of black people’s hair being compared to pubes, and even though it could’ve totally actually been a pube, it probably was her hair, and she never says hi back when I say hi, and I kind of understand why.
Long-Lost Videos of 2010: Part 2
Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, creepy boyfriend obsession, jobby jobby job job, living in new york is neat, travels
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, creepy boyfriend obsession, jobby jobby job job, living in new york is neat
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, creepy boyfriend obsession, jobby jobby job job, living in new york is neat
I know that people hate to/are unable to watch videos, but these are mostly for me.
Our poor, sweet German intern finds himself a Lucky Cheng’s drag show participant (“Ms. Tess Tickles”) during our company’s monthly dinner club. It’s long, but you guys, he dances.
Even when we’re on vacation, Kamran pays absolutely no attention to me. (This one couldn’t fit my “creepy boyfriend obsession” tag any better.)
My friend Sylvan tries to scare me my first time eating jellyfish.
Aaron visits from Australia and boldly sings Backstreet Boys at karaoke. When I ask if I can use the video on my blog, he says he sounds “like a really creepy old country/western singer” and then adds, “Of course you can use it.”
