Category Archives: holidays don’t suck for me

Doughy Deschanel, Zooey’s Fat Sister

Posted by katie ett on October 31, 2011 – 1:15 pm
Filed under holidays don't suck for me, it's fun to be fat, narcissism
Tagged as , , ,

I haven’t legitimately dressed up for Halloween for ages. Everybody else is already the Internet meme of the moment, and spending the night sweating in a rented gorilla costume doesn’t seem fun, and I don’t have enough boob to be Slutty Strawberry Shortcake or whatever.

But this year, my costume idea happened so organically I couldn’t not do it. My friend Anthony and I were sitting at lunch one day, discussing an article I’d just read about Zooey Deschanel. I may or may not have been rambling, and he may or may not have said Zooey’s name in an offensive voice just to shut me up, and it may or may not have come out sounding like “Doughy Deschanel”.

Okay, actually, it did come out sounding like “Doughy Deschanel”, and I said, “That’s the name of Zooey’s fat sister.”

And then we were both like, “Oh, crap, that’s the greatest Halloween costume ever.” So I bought myself a faux-vintage Modcloth dress, donned my pink velvet shoes that I so rarely get to wear, and used it as an excuse to buy a black wig and have straight hair for a night.

Doughy Deschanel, Zooey's Fat Sister

Doughy Deschanel, Zooey's Fat Sister

Doughy Deschanel, Zooey's Fat Sister

Doughy Deschanel, Zooey's Fat Sister

Doughy Deschanel, Zooey's Fat Sister

Great Halloween costume or greatest Halloween costume?

Pinch Day!

Posted by plumpdumpling on October 11, 2011 – 12:00 pm
Filed under holidays don't suck for me, narcissism
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My dad, always a little too quick to torture my sister and me when we were kids, probably invented Pinch Day one year when he realized he’d spoiled us with too many gifts yet again. It’s the day after your birthday, the day when everyone can make up for how nicely they treated you the day before by pinching the crap out of you.

Similarly always a little too quick to torture, I’m sure I introduced my best friend, Tracey, to Pinch Day quite soon after we became inseparable in 7th grade. And since she’s the perfect best friend, she had these flowers sent to me at work yesterday:

with this note:

How personal and sweet, right?

My roommate/landlord/co-worker, Jack, recently wrote me this little questionnaire while I was on the phone with Tracey one day:

And it’s true–TV, movies, and leading insanely interesting lives does fuel our conversations. But just plain loving each other for almost 30 years doesn’t hurt anything. Thanks for making my Pinch Day special, Tracey!

Happy Anniversary!

Posted by plumpdumpling on February 14, 2011 – 12:00 pm
Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession, holidays don't suck for me
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I just think it’s so sweet of couples everywhere to join in celebrating my four year, five month anniversary with Kamran today.

Oh, it’s Valentine’s Day, you say? I had no idea.

See, while the rest of you will be busy eating romantic dinners, receiving roses at your various workplaces to make your single co-workers jealous, deciding if you’re going to share any of the chocolates from your Godiva sampler, or in the absolute most embarrassing case, getting proposed to, I’ll be sitting home alone.

My boyfriend of four years and five months will be taking a bar exam prep course for twelve hours and then spending the rest of the evening in the library with his study partners. (Who are both male, if there was some concern.)

He’s promised to take me to dinner and shower me in chocolate once the bar is over in another week and a half, but in the meantime, I’m on my own. We usually do laundry together on Sundays, but he was studying all day yesterday, so I went to my own apartment but foolishly volunteered to come back to his place to do it alone tonight. On Valentine’s Day.

So I’m going to wear my t-shirt that says, “My Boyfriend Totally Loves Me Even Though He’s Making Me Wash His Underwear on Valentine’s Day.” Then I’m going to tap each person in the laundry room on the shoulder and individually tell them that I’m only there because my boyfriend’s training to be a totally important intellectual property attorney.

And then I’ll make a big show of folding the pillowcase I got for him:

That’s not pathetic at all, right?

Refuse, Facial Hair, and Shameless Flattery

Posted by plumpdumpling on January 4, 2011 – 3:15 pm
Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession, holidays don't suck for me, living in new york sucks so hard
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I realize I didn’t say goodbye to you guys, but I’m sure it wasn’t hard for you to figure out that I left on the 22nd of December for Christmas in Ohio and returned to NYC this past weekend to lots of this:


Yeah, that’s trash covered in snow. But they’re recyclables! So that makes it okay.

But also a boyfriend who’d hottly grown out his beard because he’s out out of school and off of work for the next two months to study for the Bar Exam:

And a few lingering Christmas trees not-hidden behind frosted glass:

Now I need to go get caught up on your lives. Did Bachelor Girl give an in-depth account of the events leading up to her notorious Christmas card? Did Serial and Kinard become BFFs behind my back? Is Cristy a medical transcriptioner yet? Did the Super Bowl happen, and was Bluz there to wreak havoc? Has Jessica had her baby yet (I think she has, like, 12 weeks to go, but WHO KNOWS)? And what about Tessa and Julie and Kim and . . .

I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas

Posted by plumpdumpling on December 17, 2010 – 12:00 pm
Filed under holidays don't suck for me, jobby jobby job job
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Earlier this week, I walked into work, and to my delight, one of the giant fake gifts under the giant fake Christmas tree in the lobby started skidding across the floor toward me, following me as I walked toward the elevators.

Clearly this is a sign that majorly awesome presents are coming my way in the next couple of weeks.

Or that it was really windy that day.