This weekend is my birthday. I usually throw myself an elaborate party just so my friends will be forced to dance, but this year, Kamran and I are just planning a nice, quiet lunch at Per Se. And by “nice, quiet lunch”, I mean the extended tasting menu. It will hopefully include:
• so much caviar and roe that I’ll spawn baby fishes in my stomach and pee out a hatchery later in my toilet
• truffles equal in value to the GDP of some of the wealthier small African countries
• enough drink pairings to put me to sleep so that I wake up just in time to have fully digested the meal and can down a dozen doughnuts
• a table overlooking Central Park, because if they seat me away from the windows, so help me god, I will downgrade their donuts4dinner.com rating to a 4.5 SO FAST they won’t even have time to ply me with take-home giftbags full of notepads and baked goods
But it’s going to be awesome.
I’ve also requested that Kamran re-create the chocolate room from my very favourite movie of all time, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, so that I can bite the ears off gummy bears, drink myself sick on fat-boy-laden chocolate milk, and lick some cocaine paste off the tops of mushrooms. That’s what that was, right?
He claims that it ain’t gonna happen, but I’m pretty sure this is me in about 24 hours: