It’s My Birthday, and I’m a Princess

Filed under narcissism

This weekend is my birthday. I usually throw myself an elaborate party just so my friends will be forced to dance, but this year, Kamran and I are just planning a nice, quiet lunch at Per Se. And by “nice, quiet lunch”, I mean the extended tasting menu. It will hopefully include:

• so much caviar and roe that I’ll spawn baby fishes in my stomach and pee out a hatchery later in my toilet

• truffles equal in value to the GDP of some of the wealthier small African countries

• enough drink pairings to put me to sleep so that I wake up just in time to have fully digested the meal and can down a dozen doughnuts

• a table overlooking Central Park, because if they seat me away from the windows, so help me god, I will downgrade their donuts4dinner.com rating to a 4.5 SO FAST they won’t even have time to ply me with take-home giftbags full of notepads and baked goods

Just kidding.

But it’s going to be awesome.

I’ve also requested that Kamran re-create the chocolate room from my very favourite movie of all time, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, so that I can bite the ears off gummy bears, drink myself sick on fat-boy-laden chocolate milk, and lick some cocaine paste off the tops of mushrooms. That’s what that was, right?

He claims that it ain’t gonna happen, but I’m pretty sure this is me in about 24 hours:

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18 Comments

  1. Andrea says:

    Damn I love this blog.

  2. Jessica R. says:

    That picture of you made me laugh so hard that I’m sure my co-workers are starting to wonder what I’m keeping from them.

    Happy Birthday! I hope you eat so many delicious, weird things and sample so many alcoholic beverages that you sing the Willy Wonka theme song all the way home.

    • katie ett says:

      Oh, nice! I don’t really think the shoes are my style, but I’m all over that frilly blouse.

      Thank you! Someday, maybe we can have a joint candy wonderland birthday with Kamran and Dishy and all of the other October babies!

  3. Serial says:

    At some point this week I thought – honestly believed – that I would get my shit together and actually mail you the package I’ve been promising you in time for your birthday.

    Instead, I’m planning on coming to visit you for MY birthday. At which time I can probably bring you some presents and stuff.

    BUT ONLY IF YOU TAKE ME TO PER SE.

    • Frenchie says:

      I’m seconding this demand. Even though I never planned to send you anything other than my love and affection from afar.

      • katie ett says:

        I’ll take it, but don’t think I’m not keeping track of these things and assigning point values to you two.

    • katie ett says:

      I actually brought something new in this week to send to YOU. Now I’m going to send it to Frenchie instead. And none of the embroidered and cross-stitched “Serial” sweatshirts and wall hangings will make sense to her, but I’ll know you know what happened every time you see them in her house.

      I’m picturing this kind of sweatshirt, in case it wasn’t clear:

      You want that, right?

      I’m not taking you to Per Se, but I WOULD like to mention that I’m probably going to an all-truffle dinner later this month. Wish it was a couple months later.

  4. Dishy says:

    This is exactly why I need photoshop. Or the Gimp. (I’m not picky.)

    I could place MY head in all sorts of photo montages and inspire other people thousands of miles away to sing and imagine me winning my very own chocolate factory.

    Hope you have an amazing 5-donut day.

    • katie ett says:

      I’m going to bring my Dishy cutout to the Pumpkin Show this year and pose you in all of our shots so I won’t have to Photoshop you into every picture like last year.

      Are you telling me you don’t edit any of your food photos? I mean, I don’t want to encourage you to if you don’t, because they already look amazing, but . . . Photoshop changed my life.

  5. Gena says:

    You could just go to Dylan’s Candy Bar or the basement of FAO Schwarz, they’re the next best thing.

    Happy birthday! Take lots of pictures of your food.

  6. andrea says:

    Happy Birthday!! there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get to be wonka one day a year!

  7. Lisa says:

    Hope you had a wonderful birthday! That photo is hilarious!

  8. Tracey says:

    You know I won’t say in on Facebook, so I’ll say it here: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    That room full of candy seems less magical ever since they revealed on Top Chef Just Desserts that most of that stuff was actually inedible. I do wonder how many KCal are in that giant gummy bear, though.

  9. I hope your birthday was magnificent and you got to lick cocaine paste to your heart’s content.

  10. stela says:

    I hope you had an awesome birthday!!
    I want to bite off ears of gummy bears too!

  11. Nicole says:

    I second Tracey. I was a bit sad that the movie room wasn’t legit but that wasn’t too suprising. The room they created on Top Chef: Just Deserts made me so jealous. Food wallpaper! Carrot Cheesecake! oh…so good. Maybe you should do that for your next birthday?