Boys Don’t Make Passes at Girls in Grandma Glasses

Filed under narcissism, stuff i like

I’ve been wearing the same pair of glasses since, like, forever. I still like them, the prescription still works for me, and I don’t wear glasses that often, anyway. Also I am cheap. So when my vision insurance offers to pay for either my contacts or my glasses, I always go with the contacts.

And then I found out that you can buy glasses online for ridiculously cheap. Like, ridiculously. I’d been thinking about clear glasses for a while and how they would look so freaking good on me, so I called my Ohio eye doctor for my prescription tout de suite. (I felt a little bad not buying my glasses straight from him, but then I remembered that clear glasses don’t exist in Ohio.) I picked out a pair and showed them to Kamran, who promptly told me that only grandmas wear clear glasses.

Well, if that’s true, then I’m one foxy grandma, right?

Clear Glasses

j/k. One of my friends actually called them “BCs” in the Hamptons this weekend. When I asked her what that means, she said, “Birth control glasses. Nobody’s gonna get you pregnant in those.”

I was like, “If I went to Williamsburg in these, I’d get raped in a second.” Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Not Colonial Williamsburg. You know what I mean. But yeah, I really do look like a grandma here, right?

Clear Glasses

But a really sweet grandma who makes cookies and crochets and doesn’t call anybody a whore, though.

If you want some (non-grandma) glasses of your own, I recommended EyeBuyDirect.com, and if you use code IF5Q63MJE6, you get 15% off your first order, and I get some dollars to help me buy another pair that will actually make boys like me!

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22 Comments

  1. Mere says:

    I have a disturbingly stalky question…are you wearing anything on your lips other than lip balm, because I love that nude/pink/plain thing you have going…and I have been on the lookout for a lip*something that is a slight pink, without making me look like a cast member from Steel Magnolias.

    • katie ett says:

      What do you mean “disturbingly stalky”? Just because you were staring at my lips for a full hour before commenting, just thinking about how nuuuuuuuuude they are?

      No, but really, I just wear some SUPER cheap lipgloss called Squeeze n’ Shine by Jordana in Pink Punk. Judging by the packaging, it’s made for children. (And that’s just about right when it comes to my makeup-applying skill level.) I get it at Duane Reade here, which I know isn’t helpful to you at all, but Duane Reade is now owned by Walgreens, so you might be able to find it there.

      You know I support your attempt to become a Dolly clone, though.

    • katie ett says:

      Oh, my gosh, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me! At least where the glasses are concerned.

  2. Do they make clear monocles, too?! Because I’d be all about that. :)

  3. Cassie says:

    Wait. No. I have never shown you my BCGs before have I. No? It’s the lovely frames the Army supplies you with to torture you. They’re so butt ugly. Oh my lord. Horrible memories.

    Yours? They’re cute.

    Perhaps the girls will like them? You know you wanna swing that way. Ladies?

  4. Jenny says:

    This is fabulous! I recently purchased quite cheap glasses from zennioptical.com. But this, this gives me a whole new crop of frames to browse! Thanks, Katie!

  5. Serial says:

    And I presume those are also clip-on earrings you’re wearing?

  6. Andrea says:

    Those are super cute! I will need to get my prescription updated and then GO CRAZY at that site. Of course, my script is so bad that the lenses will be super thick on anything I buy, but hey, $10 ain’t bad for some frames, ya know?

  7. Kim says:

    Your pores are tiny. Trade?

  8. Jessica R. says:

    I think the next time you see Kamran, you should meet him wearing those glasses with your hair in a bun and carrying some knitting needles. Please have your camera ready.

  9. kinard says:

    Dude. I’ve been choosing my clear frames lately, and was also looking at Zenni. Also super-psyched about a new batch to peruse. Can we get a zoom out shot of those puppies? Because the lenses do look insanely huge and grandma-ish… Just sayin’.

  10. brian says:

    Before I knew anything about Brooklyn I would have called those “Danny Elfman glasses” but my friend has clear glasses and he comes from Brooklyn too so it all is becoming clearer now. Anyway, looking sharp and keep up the bloggin’.

  11. Dishy says:

    It is a nice post review, makes me want to purchase this product. Thanks for this great post. I have tweeted this post in my tweeter.

  12. e says:

    What’s strange is that I immediately thought of those glasses as hipster frames rather than elderly lady frames. For one, a true grandma would have those little strings attached to the glasses to keep them from falling from her over-day-creamed nose. That said, a hipster is likely to pull off something similar under the guise of practicality, &, no matter how much nobody wants to admit it, they will likely end up looking like hot shit doing so.

    The thing with hipsters is this: anything your grandma, a trucker, or a Jew can do, hipsters can do better. Check it:

  13. e says:

    http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6164/6167065079_53178ff7a4_z.jpg

    What you see above is Shelley Berman, great comic & theatrical actor pictures here in character as Larry David’s father in Curb Your Enthusiasm & sporting some fantastic grandpa glasses. Next to him is this acid-head hipster douchebag I’ve seen around Newcastle, uh, a million times. How embarrassing that my HTML did not work.

  14. Chantee says:

    First of all, great pics. I was reading it on my phone this morning when I got to the part that says “One of my friends said…” and I was like “that person is hilarious!” Then I immediately realized that person was me and that I am getting old for not remembering that. Thanks for the Twitter shoutout!

  15. stela says:

    I think you look fantastic in your new spectacles!! I also love your earrings

  16. bluzdude says:

    Geez… a Grandma with flawless, perfect skin…

  17. Tracey says:

    Yeah, dude. I love these glasses. Want to ride around the Pumpkin Show in my Dad’s wheelchair this year to add to the Grandma-ness of your look? We can cover your legs with an afghan and give you some knitting.

  18. I freaking love those! I wear strictly grandma/grandpa glasses. The pair i’m rocking right now are from warby parker, and old man told me he used to have the same ones. My grandma ones are a pair of metal round pink ones. they are huge.