4th of July in Ohio (Featuring Bethany!)

Filed under holidays don't suck for me, no i really do love ohio

I’m notoriously bad about doing really exciting things and never posting about them, but luckily, I have my cousin to write me e-mails that say things like, “When you’re expecting to STAR in a WORLD-FAMOUS BLOG on the INTERNET, it’s tough to be patient.” This is for her:

Tracey shows off a sparkler amidst a backdrop of our matching Mmmerica! shirts with a flag made out of bacon and waffles.

Crazy Aunt Dort™ dishes up a slice of her famous chocolate cake and homemade ice cream in her deliciously 1970s kitchen.

Off-center fireworks shot posing as art

My cousin, Bethany, gets her punishment for coming in last at our game of croquet.

My cousin Alex displays his “muscles” while playing Cornhole with his dad.

A view of my childhood home from my grandparents’ backyard

Despite their stinkiness, dogs totally redeem themselves by looking forward to seeing you way too much.

Despite her stinkiness, Bethany totally redeems herself by talking her mom into committing heinous acts like this.

Like I said . . . Really. Exciting. Things.


  1. Todd says:

    Yeah! Finally, the return of Crazy Aunt Dorothy…sorry, Dort (really?) to your blog! I’m happy now.

    • Oh, I had no idea there was a demand for more CAD photos. I’ll make a scrapbook for you and send it right over.

      I think “Dort” originally was a slur penned by Uncle Max for times when she got really out of control, but CAD made it her own and refers to herself that way now.

  2. bluzdude says:

    Looks like someone startled Aunt Dort.

    Love the bacon/waffle/flag shirt.

    Cornhole rules!

    You guys take your croquet seriously…

    • Oooooh, looks like you were commenting on my blog at the exact time I was commenting on yours. Ships in the night, my friend. Ships in the night.

      I appreciate that Cornhole is another one of those things that was apparently (supposedly) invented in Ohio. I had no idea what any of the terms associated with it were until I read the Wikipedia page, though. Clearly I’m not serious about THAT.

  3. Kim says:

    When I was 18-21 I had all these Irish summer friends who worked on boats on the Cape, and we’d often do predictable things like try to speak with each others accents (they always gave me this absurd twang like I was some evangelical from Plano and insisted that that was the syndicated American accent and I sounded just like it) and one time we drew pictures on cocktail napkins depicting the average worldviews of each others nations.

    This post is identical to their drawing. AMERICA!

    • I was like, “Where is this story going? Where is this story going? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes.”

      You should’ve told your friends that the syndicated American accent is MINE, since mid-Ohio is supposedly the model for the accentless American broadcast journalist. Just don’t mention that my entire family thinks my name is pronounced kyate.

      So what did YOUR napkin have on it?

  4. “My cousin, Alex, displays his ‘muscles’ while playing Cornhole with his dad.”

    This is an example of a perfectly good caption ruined by a completely innocent picture.

    • Mike Lowrey says:

      I must second that, but I do think that the photo was taken at the beginning of the game well before the corn found a hole.

      I don’t know what Cornhole is…but I’m only going to warn you once, I do have my carry/conceal permit.
      Trust me, my Glock is GOING to win at that game!

      I can’t stand Elitists ass folks.
      What? Is a half court game of BBall too hood for y’all?
      What? Are you and your fam too good to play some Click Clack??

      • Tracey says:

        Believe me, croquet has a totally different vibe in the Midwest.

        I don’t think croquet can really be all that elitist when it exists at a backyard barbecue alongside cornhole.

  5. Those t-shirts are the best. Ordinarily, I am strictly opposed to holiday-themed clothing (according to A Southern Belle Primer, Or Why Princess Margaret Will Never Be a Kappa Kappa Gamma, one should studiously avoid resembling a walking, talking greeting card), but bacon and waffles? That I can get behind.

    I want to play a game called “Cornhole.”

  6. how idyllic! the pastoral views are enough to make me want to move to kansas or something!! (not ohio, though) nothing says 4th of july like a 70s kitchen, a rousing game of cornhole (???WTF?), and whipped cream shooters.

  7. Tracey says:

    I can’t believe the bacon cookies didn’t make the photodump!

  8. Cristy says:

    LOVE the bacon and waffle shirts! Nom.

    Dude – the fireworks are SO art.

    No way – you guys have cornhole there, too? I had never heard of it til I got here (WV).

    That view reminds me of my grandparents’ farm in Michigan that we used to go every other year for family reunions on July 4th. So cool memories. We played the equally interesting game of badminton. Oy.

    Goggies :)