I’m Sorry If I Gave You AIDS

Filed under jobby jobby job job, potty mouth

I know it’s neither polite nor sanitary, but I got an unexpected nosebleed in my office’s bathroom last week, and a drop of blood hit the blue-tiled floor before I could do anything about it. I lifted my hand to catch the drops that followed, but the blood kept somehow escaping me, and after a few seconds, I stopped trying and just let the floor become littered with my DNA. It felt so good to do something I wasn’t supposed to and to not care.

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14 Comments

  1. Jack says:

    How am I supposed to sneak around the Ladies Restroom now if I can’t go barefoot? Try to be a little more considerate next time Katie.

  2. Tracey says:

    GOD, Katie. Next thing you know, you’ll be peeing on all of the toilet seats.

    • Okay, can I admit something to you? I’ve been using toilet seat covers for a while now at work, and while I mostly love them, they sometimes get stuck to my butt because of all of the lotion I put ALL OVER MY BODY.

      So the other day, I stood up, and the seat cover stuck to me, and I guess the middle part of it touched the seat, and when I pulled it off of me, I noticed that the seat was wet in one place.

      I freaked out.

      DON’T TELL ANYONE!

  3. I have totally forgotten about the nosebleed at this point. Instead, I’m wondering what brand of lotion you use on your rear.

    I mean, not in a pervy way (mostly). But more like I want to know what lotion is still, you know, lotion-y after a few hours. Because mine is not.

    It always comes back to beauty products with me.

    • It was St. Ives Vitamin E, which I only bought because it was on sale for $5 versus the $8 everything else is here, and which I turned out to love.

      Dove Cream Oil lotion is my very favourite body lotion ever (the extra dry skin version, even though I don’t have extra dry skin, because it smells way awesomer than the regular stuff), but I can’t pay $10 for the smallest bottle in the world. I just wait until Christmas when I have to check a bag, anyway, and bring gallons of it back from Ohio on the plane with me.

  4. bluzdude says:

    Yes, it’s so easy to overlook the projectile bleeding in the face of a breakthrough in butt-lotion…

    • If something was marketed specifically as butt-lotion, I would be alllllllll over it. Blotion, they’d call it, to make it less obvious. But we’d all know.

  5. Cristy says:

    This made me laugh. You know, a dropped eyelash would’ve been sufficient. Blood? Seriously? So cliche.

    I, too, am intrigued by the butt-lotion situation.

    • To make you happy, next time, I’ll just pee on the floor. Everyone else on my floor is always doing it.

      With all of this interest in butt-lotion, maybe I should develop a brand myself. It was St. Ives Vitamin E, which is the lotioniest lotion I’ve ever had.