Although I Don’t Necessarily Want Them Touching a Seat I May Someday Sit on, Either

Filed under fun times on the subway, it's fun to be fat

The other day, I saw a man on the train so fat that his testicles bulged between his legs like a cantaloupe in the crotch of his navy blue sweatpants. I wondered how you get to a point where you’d rather sit and let everyone see your melon-shaped balls than stand and conceal them between your tree trunk thighs.

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11 Comments

  1. I have no answer for this except to say:

    1) I now have a crystal-clear image of navy-blue-sweatsuit-clad testicles in my mind. Thanks.

    2) I hope I never reach the point at which I no longer care that complete strangers can see my bits and are mocking them. If I do, just take me out back and shoot me.

    • Honestly, it seems like being made fun of for wearing a long skirt would be preferable to showing your balls. Although I guess I’m biased, because I don’t like men in football uniforms or wresting singlets, either.

  2. Tracey says:

    I imagine it’s way more comfortable for him to sit, no matter what he looks like doing it. I know if I long for a seat when I’m on the train, really large people must be dying.

    Relatedly, good for him for having cantaloupe-sized testicles! Wow!

    • Sandy says:

      What if he has some kind of genital elephantitis?

    • God, it’s so annoying how friend-of-the-fatties you are. There’s a certain point where you just become too fat for anyone to love you, and I suggest you figure that point out and stop being so damned nice to these people.

      Also, please don’t try to tell me you think huge balls are attractive, because even if they were a sign of masculinity, which they are not, I know you don’t even like masculinity. Hmph.

      • Sandy says:

        I once slept with a guy who warned me ahead of time that his dick was small, but consoled me with “But my balls are huge.” Well, thank god for THAT.

      • Kim says:

        Yeah, when is NYC going to just specially tax the fatties already? Would solve so many of the MTA’s problems. Or not. But I would laugh.

      • Tracey says:

        Well, you’re right. I don’t like masculinity. But, like Sandy said, lots of people do consider big balls to be super-masculine and therefore great. I never have heard a woman compliment her man’s balls, though. So, maybe someone should tell men how little we care.

  3. welfy says:

    I’d probably sit too if I was that big. But still…yucky. :^(

  4. Alfagirl says:

    Thickcrust would’ve have a photo…. just sayin’ ;)