Quit Prank Calling Me, Jesus

Filed under jobby jobby job job

Dude, look who called me the other day at work:

I mean, I know the Latino community has way cooler names than we white folk do in general, but that’s just ridiculous.


  1. Serial says:

    Doesn’t that just make you want to start dropping Big Lebowski quotes?

    You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

    • Is it bad that I didn’t like Big Lebowski when I saw it back in ’99 or whatever? I don’t think I liked the Coens until I saw The Man Who Wasn’t There in 2001, actually, and I probably only liked it because I didn’t know it was theirs. I didn’t like Fargo until about a year ago when I saw it for the third time, but since then, I’ve loved Miller’s Crossing, Raising Arizona, and No Country. I didn’t like Wes Anderson until I saw Royal Tenenbaums three times, though, so I’m basically messed up. I should probably try Big Lebowski again, though.

  2. Julie says:

    But they always pronounce them in a way that makes me crazy.

    Jesus Angel = Hay Seuss On Hell ?

    • That only adds to the coolness for me, although I do feel really stupid pronouncing them. My office’s soda delivery guy saw that our kitchen TV had a Spanish-language channel playing today and asked why we were watching it, and I said, “We watch a lot of fĂștbol here,” and immediately felt like an idiot.

  3. That would freak my sinning self ALL the heck out.

  4. Tracey says:

    How long did you make that person wait on the phone in order to get your camera ready and take that picture?!

    • Listen, Latinos are lucky I pick up their calls at all.

      Oh, um, I mean . . . I have a call log function that saves the names and numbers of past callers, so Jesus didn’t have to wait.

  5. Cassie says:

    If it’s not to sac-relig of me, HOLY SHIT.

  6. Mike Lowrey says:

    “Hey-Suss” (as I call him) calls me all the time…
    But I’ll be damned if I ever answer.

    He usually calls me right after a night of pure raunchy freaky sinning that will certainly require Satan to retire my jersey #23 up in the rafters at Hell Colosseum!

    • You’d answer if he was bringing you your lunch from Burger Burger.

      I imagine that Jesus is living vicariously through you, actually. He may deny it and send you to hell just to make an example of you, but he’ll pat you on the back as he’s doing it.

  7. Mike Lowrey says:

    Damn…Y’all still using Mitel.
    I figured they would have replaced it since your IT guy…(Enrique, Pablo, Fernando…damned if I know what his name is) wasn’t able to figure out how phones worked.
    (not how Mitel phones worked but like how any phone worked)

    • Mike Lowrey says:

      Y’all should upgrade phones.
      Saturday I saw the Mitel full touchscreen blue lcd phones at a venue. It kicks arse compared to the old 2002 orange lcd phones you folks are using now!

    • I was so close to calling you yesterday when Danielle asked me to take the forward to her cell off of her phone and neither Jack nor I could figure it out. Jeff did in the end, of course.

  8. ha! love that you have the coveted ‘princess phone’ (that’s what we used to call them when i worked in an office back in the 90s) that shows who’s calling.

    so, what did jay-zus have to say!??!!?

    • He said, “Your lunch is here!” He was bringing me a cheeseburger and curly fries, godblesshim.

      I don’t know how people can have office jobs and not have caller ID! I get so many telemarketing calls and have to know which company they’re calling from so I can appropriately mess with them.

  9. Alfagirl says:

    I’m with Tracey — can you put Jesus Angel on hold w/out getting in trouble? Wait till he finds out that Damien is before him on speed dial!