Monthly Archives: March 2010

Deadliest Catch Premiere Party YES YES YES

Filed under a taste for tv
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I’m not alone in thinking that “Deadliest Catch” is the greatest show on television, right? I remember accidentally stumbling onto a marathon of it on the Discovery channel with Kamran one Sunday and being like, “Surely there’s nothing compelling about this show.” And then eight hours later, we were unable to leave the apartment to get dinner because we were too wrapped up in it.

I just love the competition between the captains and imagining how lonely it must be for them as they sit up in the cabin away from the rest of the crew, watching their boats getting trapped in the Arctic ice and watching their deckhands risk their lives just so I can eat some crab. As someone who comes from a farming family, this is the kind of work I respect. I mean, just look at the opening credits. I don’t want you mistaking me for a prissy Bon Jovi fan or anything, but I can’t think of a better song to introduce these guys with. And look how serious they are!

Anyway, I got an e-mail from the Tropicana Casino & Resort in Atlantic City yesterday saying it’s going to have a party for this season’s premiere on April 13th with Russell Newberry from the Time Bandit and the Wizard hosting and signing autographs. There’s also going to be a NASCAR car there, which makes me think that perhaps I’m not the party’s target audience–although it isn’t like I don’t come from NASCAR country originally–but OMG, I have to go to this.

Although I Don’t Necessarily Want Them Touching a Seat I May Someday Sit on, Either

Filed under fun times on the subway, it's fun to be fat
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The other day, I saw a man on the train so fat that his testicles bulged between his legs like a cantaloupe in the crotch of his navy blue sweatpants. I wondered how you get to a point where you’d rather sit and let everyone see your melon-shaped balls than stand and conceal them between your tree trunk thighs.

Fetuses are Still Freaky

Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, no i really do love ohio
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Barefoot Katie with Maria – 9/21/08

My second-best friend back in Ohio, Katie, is expecting her second baby in 7 weeks. Considering that I like her firstborn more than most adults, which is really saying something for a girl with an I ♥ Abortions t-shirt, I’m pretty pumped about the idea of another one running around.

Do not take this to mean I’m getting soft.

Deep Thoughts

Filed under living in new york sucks so hard
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Sometimes when it’s really nasty outside–raining so hard I’m soaked to the thigh in seconds, snowing so much that people are literally cross-country skiing down the streets–I think to myself, “Is it worth it to jump out in front of this cab right now just to be able to stay home from work tomorrow?”

My Head Hurts

Filed under living in new york sucks so hard, why i'm better than everyone else
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If your business is on a high-traffic area of 14th Street, at what point after you realize your sign says saloon instead of salon do you have it remade?

Oh, wait, the sign also sayswalk-in’s welcome” and “we specialize in heena tattoos”?

No, no, wait, I’m sorry, it actually says “heena tattooes“?