Santa Claws

Filed under holidays don't suck for me, no i really do love ohio

My friend Roy sent me a link to Sketchy Santas yesterday, and while I appreciate their offerings, I think I have a photo of the sketchiest Santa of all:

Tracey may be smiling here, but not ten seconds before, she was crying out in horror from her car at this giant red-faced Santa. The thing has been hanging outside of my Crazy Great-Aunt Dorothy’s house every Christmas for as long as I can remember. The smashed nose is a recent addition, but the duct tape holding it up is not.

We’re thinking it may have been used as anti-American Indian propaganda back in the day. No?


  1. Noel says:

    My parents have mugs with this same scary-faced Santa on it, except he is more Caucasian with very rosy cheeks, so if you’d like to drink from creepy Santa’s head I can mail you one :)

  2. Serial says:

    Actual conversation while my roommate/boyfriend and I were driving around with hot cocoa looking at Christmas lights (Imagine his voice in a deep south carolinian accent):

    He: “Oh, look, it’s a santa cow.”
    She: “What? That’s not a santa cow.”
    He: “Drive back by, it is, too.”
    She: “Ok. See, that’s not a santa cow.”
    He: “Well where’s his fuckin’ beard?”

  3. Tracey says:

    His face may be red, but his beard has some mighty fine texture to it.

  4. oh my god! it’s SATAN-CLAUS!!!! love him! he looks so dashing and devilish!

  5. Ah, duct tape. Every time you write about Ohio, I realize how much it has in common with Louisiana.

    Well, you know. Except the subtropical temperatures.

  6. Why is santa so sunburned?? Definitely sketch.

  7. Christina says:

    So, I take it Aunt Dorothy hasn’t noticed the scared crying children on her lawn? Just tell them Santa’s a little loaded and his face will return to a normal color when he sobers up.