If the World was Fair, Candy Pumpkins Would Be Available All Year

Filed under holidays don't suck for me, it's fun to be fat, par-tay

This is all that’s left of Halloween, but it sure was good while it lasted. Kamran and I spent Friday night watching horror movies instead of, you know, piecing together a simple costume so as to not disrespect our friend Anthony’s party the next night.

To make us feel extra bad, Anthony seriously went all-out for this thing. As if we weren’t impressed enough to actually know someone who owns a house and can therefore have a legitimate house party (even if it was out on Long Island), he had the place covered in cobwebs and bathed in creepy lighting with awesome additions like strings of razorblades hanging in the doorway to the dining room. His friends all had elaborate costumes, and he went around the party in an H1N1 emergency response team uniform, drinking what he said was germ-ridden waste.

I ended up wearing a pink tank top with a black shirt covered in stars over it and said I was aurora borealis, while Kamran wore a striped sweater and said he was Freddie Kreuger had he gone straight, stopped murdering kids, and gotten his PhD. No one was impressed, but we brought a box of thirty assorted candy bars with us, so we didn’t get egged.

Of course, we ended up eating at least half of those thirty candy bars ourselves and stuffing more in our pockets for the long ride home on the Long Island Railroad, but no one was sober enough to notice.


  1. Jack says:

    What ever happened to my serial killers idea? You two totally could’ve pulled it off!

  2. Cristy says:

    I love the razor blades idea, although I’m such a safety freak that I’d never actually do it. I love the idea, though. I think the aurora borealis was an original idea. I love his hazmat costume.

  3. we throw a halloween bash every year and want to stab people who don’t wear costumes…our invitation clearly states: costume party. c’mon!

    i’m coming to the city to egg you myself!!!

    ps. want to go to that cool shop waaay down on broadway–pearl river? i’ll come in and visit if you do. :)

    • We had no idea that Anthony’s party was one with “costume required” on the invitation, if it helps. He’s a co-worker, so he just told me he was having a Halloween party. Of course, we probably wouldn’t have worn costumes had we known they were required, but I’m sure I would’ve been able to think of an excuse for that, too.

      Yippee! We’re going to Pearl River.

  4. Sandy says:

    I skipped going to a costume party the night before Halloween solely because I’d dressed up twice for Trivia Night already and my zombie blood stained my skin and made me look like I’d had a shootout with a fruit punch juice box. Plus, corn syrup blood is sticky and gross and I was tired of being sticky and gross. I didn’t want to be the ass with no costume.

    • Sticky and gross?! Au contraire. I don’t know how you make it into a costume, but covering yourself with corn syrup is a sure way to get yourself licked.

      • Sandy says:

        I flavored it with peppermint extract too, just ’cause I’m a freak like that. BUT no matter how good a zombie smells/tastes, no one wants to make out with one.

  5. Belle says:

    I would never shun you from a party if you came armed with candy. So much better than a costume.

  6. Mike Lowrey says:

    On the real I thought Ant was cool…
    So why didn’t I get an invite!!!

    So what I’m not in the state that’s not the issue!
    Tell Ant I’m not happy about this.

  7. cow says:

    I went as a mime and tried to creep everyone out, so I pretty much went as myself.

    • Didn’t you used to have a gangsta brother? Because Jack also went as himself – a child molester – and he also has a gangsta brother. You two should meet.

  8. Kelly says:

    Anthony’s costume is pretty sweet, no doubt about that, but nevertheless: