nobody likes me everybody hates me guess i’ll go eat worms

Filed under creepy boyfriend obsession

I love Kelly and her adventures in independence over at Bachelor Girl, but I’ve always thought people who live alone are crazy. Whereas I seem to go home to Ohio once a month these days, Kamran only gets to visit his family in California about twice a year because of work and law school, so I’m not used to being here without him. When he scheduled a trip home for this past weekend, this whole week, AND next weekend, I wasn’t sure I’d last ’til this morning. And then my best New York friend, Beth, announced that she was leaving for vacation, too. And then my best best friend, Tracey, announced that she and her husband were going to visit their in-laws and wouldn’t be available to chat. THE HORROR.

Kam and I took a cab to the airport on Saturday morning, where we enjoyed hot dogs wrapped in soft pretzel material, and then I creepily watched him go through the security line and waved to him and blew kisses every time he dared to look out of the corner of his eye to see if I was still there. And then I rode the bus and the subway back into Manhattan (because I’m cheap), decided I might as well cook for myself without someone there to take me out to dinner, and actually bought groceries for the first time in . . . so many months I can’t count. It felt terrible.

Other Things I Did Without Kamran Here to Entertain Me

1) Went to the gym on both Saturday and Sunday, allowing me to watch a whole lotta “Lost” season 5 on my iPod, and allowing me to grow to hate Ilana even more.

2) Whipped up some vanilla pudding, decided it was too plain, and swirled powdered Nesquik in for flavor. Don’t tell Kamran.

3) Watched the episode of “Degrassi: The Next Generation” where Alli decides to give it up to Johnny in the back of a van down by the ravine, only to discover that she totally wasn’t ready. When she confides in Johnny that she’s not going to DO IT again for a long time, he admits that he was a virgin, too. SWOON!

4) Cooked pasta, made pasta sauce, seasoned sausage to put in it and DID NOT HATE IT.

5) Saw District 9 with Jack, Eric, Eric’s girlfriend Christine, Nik, Jack’s friend Chris, Chris’s sister Vanessa, and Jack’s friend Andrew. Jizzed in my pants a little the first time we saw the aliens up in the ship.

6) Didn’t leave Kamran’s apartment building a single time on Sunday, but did leave the apartment itself to get a bag of Doritos (Cool Ranch, of course) from the convenience store downstairs. Planned to finish them all myself just to spite Kamran but sadly couldn’t hang.

7) Began watching season 2 of “Mad Men” without ever watching season 1. Felt like I may have missed out on some important stuff–Joan being a bitch, Peggy giving her baby up, a whole lot of women cheating on their husbands–but enjoyed it nonetheless.

8.) Caught up on “Big Brother 11”, which is not embarrassing, and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

9) Realized that watching so much television is a little bit sad without Kamran there to make me feel like I’m being social.

10) Slept diagonally across the bed and found myself waking up with a smile on my face. (Sorry, Kam.)

So all in all, it wasn’t the worst weekend of my life. However, in less than 48 hours, I must have texted Kamran 15 times to tell him I missed him, so it’s probably safe to say I couldn’t make a lifelong go of this. And here’s the great thing about being alone for a week versus being alone for life:

When a nerdy-yet-pompous grad student across from me on the train in Queens started telling his nerdy-yet-pompous friend about a dream he had where he was making out with some chick (who was no doubt too hot for him) at some party (that he’d never actually be invited to), I got to put on my headphones and let Hot Hot Heat block them out instead of hanging onto their every word while trying to decide if giving up all of my self-worth was worth it for a date with one of them.


  1. Please note that #8 is 8.) on purpose. If I didn’t put the period in, the Innanet changed it to a smiley face!


  2. Cristy says:

    I love the adding Nesquik to the vanilla pudding part. I would so do that. And, I can’t fly away from Tom and not air kiss about a dozen times til one of us gets brave and goes outside of viewing range in the airport. How funny!

    • This time, Kamran leaned down to tie his shoes when he got through security, and when he stood back up, he started walking away without looking at me, and I was like, “Nooooooooooo! My week is ruined! Our love is gone and can never come back!” But then he turned around and waved one last time.

      If putting Nesquik in pudding is an everyday thing, I’d hate to see what we’d eat when pregnant.

      • Tracey says:

        I can’t believe he doesn’t look around every twenty seconds or less to make sure you’re still there like I do when you take me to the airport.

        Does that mean I love you more than he does? Or am I just needier?

  3. Jack says:

    You should have named everyone in #5 via their association with me, so it should’ve been:

    “Saw District 9 with Jack, Jack’s old co-worker and now hated enemy Eric, Jack’s old co-worker and now hated enemy Eric’s girlfriend Christine, Jack’s co-worker who he also hates Nik, Jack’s friend Chris, Jack’s friend Chris’s sister Vanessa, and Jack’s friend Andrew Jason“.

    • Man, I feel so bad about the Jason thing. I literally always call him Andrew in my mind, thinking that you just have two friends named Andrew. In fact, I may have actually called him Andrew while sitting next to him on Saturday night.

      And now that I’m mad at Sonya for not showing up to Emily’s birthday party and never speaking to her again, I really need an Asian in my group, you know? So don’t tell him any of this happened.

      So what am I to you, anyway?

      • Jack says:

        You’re .. umm .. you’re Jack’s old co-worker and now hated enemy Eric’s old co-worker who Jack also hates Nik’s co-worker

  4. Sandy says:

    I think my favorite thing about Degrassi is that everyone has sex with everyone, despite their actual high-school sexual viability. In real life, Alli would NEVER do it with Johnny because clearly she’s about 42 rungs up on him on the hotness meter. Are mullets still OK in Canada?

    • Okay, aside from his half-acne and mullet, Johnny is toooootally hot. Don’t you see the way he always tries to not smile while talking to Alli but inevitably does? Either he’s a great actor, or he loves her in real life.

      But yeah, nothing’s more exciting to me than teenage sex, so keep it comin’, “Degrassi”.

    • Tracey says:

      Also, he’s a SENIOR, which gives him extra hotness to a dating-inexperienced freshman. Having been there, I can totally identify with that.

  5. Laura says:

    I’m convinced I will never be able to watch television by myself ever again. I tried to do it the other day and felt very awkward that when I laughed, no one was laughing with me.

    • I think you ruined television for me. Last night, I was watching another episode of “Big Brother”, and I got up to put my leftover vanilla-Nesquik pudding in the refrigerator, and just as I was shutting the door, something one of the houseguests said made me laugh, and I looked around the empty apartment and felt embarrassed. That has never happened to me before, I swear.

  6. Kelly says:

    One of these days (oh, who am I kidding? THIS WEEK) I’ll publish a “Day in the Life” post, but basically, it goes something like this:

    Overprogram yourself to the point of utter exhaustion so you never, ever get lonely or bored.

    • When I was planning for Kamran’s absence, I begged Jack not to go see District 9 on Friday night so we could go see it Saturday when Kam would be gone. I started scheduling dinners with friends every night. I prepared myself to sleep at my apartment the whole week so Wen could keep me company.

      But after finding out how much I enjoyed being at home alone this weekend, I suddenly want to cancel all of my activities and just lounge around Kamran’s apartment by myself in my cutest pajamas. I should’ve figured this wasn’t your mode of operation, though.

      Day in the Life post it is.

  7. Erin says:

    DUDE. I feel your pain. Jenn left me on Friday and she won’t be back until this Saturday. I’m so bored and I’m eating meals that don’t make sense. When did I become dependent on another person to enjoy TV and eat from all the food groups?

    • Tracey says:

      Seriously. We’ve become very dependent on our significant others for company. Remember how much more we used to hang out before they came along?