Take Somebody to Applebee’s, and Give Them Hot Wings

Filed under it's fun to be fat, no i really do love ohio

Although I absolutely can’t get behind Charlyne Yi’s weak chin, there’s one reason I’ll be seeing the movie Paper Heart, and it’s this clip from the trailer:

I am a hot wing fiend. But only boneless wings. And only the ones at Applebee’s, really. Sitting in a booth with my best friend in Ohio during Applebee’s happy hour, when a basket of wings will run you $3.50, is my idea of heaven. I once knew someone who worked at Applebee’s, and when I asked him if he could get me a bottle of the buffalo sauce, he told me it comes in a 20-pound bag. And while that should be disgusting, it only made me love it all the more.

However, there’s one thing that may keep me from ever eating a buffalo wing again, and it’s these photos of my friends Jack and Jeff from our recent outing to Leisure Time Bowl. This should not in any way dissuade you from going to Leisure Time, though it may dissuade you from keeping your lunch down:

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10 Comments

  1. Noel says:

    I am starting to believe we are long lost sisters. I, too, am a hot wing fiend (but only boneless), and think there is no better way to spend your time than an Applebee’s Happy Hour! What are the chances?

    • We’re so Midwestern! I tried going to the one Applebee’s in Brooklyn, but it was run-down and depressing (as most chain restaurants are here), so I just keep it as a treat for when I’m visiting Ohio.

      Do you go to Johnny Carino’s, too? That’s my favourite place to make my sister take me to when I visit her in Lexington.

      • Noel says:

        Oooh Johnny Carino’s is the best. I have not been there in awhile, but when I was in college we would go all the time. My roomie’s boyfriend had a friend who was a server there and he would hook us up with bread and dipping oil all the time. Clearly, it pays to know people.

        • Besides the bread and oil, which is awesome, I’ll always love Johnny’s because when the waiter dropped my manicotti on the floor once as he was taking it back to the kitchen to wrap it up for me, he made me an entire new dish to take home in an instant rather than just match what I’d dropped. And I am a glutton.

  2. Kelly says:

    I, too, love hot wings beyond all good sense and reason, but I’m a “Hooters Atomic” girl, myself.

    I’m never intimidated by the waitresses. I went to high school and joined a dance team in Texas, so I know for a fact I look every bit as good in orange Soffe shorts, “Suntan” Capezio tights and white high-tops as they do.

    Which is, of course, to say “not at all.”

  3. Kim says:

    BONELESS.
    Next thing you’ll tell me is that you order them with Ranch instead of Blue Cheese.
    Midwesterners.

    • You know me too well. My Midwestern tastebuds definitely prefer ranch. I’m not sure I ever even had an actual hunk of blue cheese before I moved to NYC and Kamran made me.

      NOT EMBARRASSED!

  4. anne says:

    Can you explain how boneless wings are different from chicken fingers or chicken nuggets?

    Also, I only like actual chicken “wings” and want to gag when I am supposed to eat the drumstick. I can only handle certain types of meat on a bone. ZING!

    • This is a question I’ve never considered, but I think I have it worked out. Chicken fingers are long strips that you dip in sauce. Chicken nuggets are tiny mounds that you dip in sauce. Boneless wings are medium-size mounds that come pre-sauced.

      The chicken in the picture is questionable, though. It’s pre-sauced, which is what led me to call it a boneless wing, but it’s also obviously a strip. I think what we need to take into account is that it’s from a bowling alley. That explains it all.

      Also: that ain’t right.