Yes, Mother(fucker)

Filed under living in new york sucks so hard

I write my roommate a note telling him that I need some monies for our bills, that I’d like him to return the lamp he inexplicably removed from our living room, and that the haircuttings on our bathroom floor are a little bit creepy:

He returns my note with the following:

We really have an ideal relationship, don’t you think?

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20 Comments

  1. Noel says:

    This cracked me up! You should always look for someone who shares your sense of humor when choosing a roommate. Forget someone who cleans up after themselves or won’t steal your stuff. Those are simply details.

    • I especially love that he actually took the time to write his response in funny text. It’s these things that really let me know he cares.

      He used to write me the best e-mails, too, back when we were able to steal Internet from our neighbors. Our love can’t be contained in 144-character texts.

      • spaghedeity says:

        Yeah, I still don’t understand how you/Wen survives in that place without Internet. I mean, God, what is this, the 90s?

        WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY SPEND SO MUCH TIME IN HIS ROOM DOING IF HE DOESN’T HAVE THE INTERNET.

        • Honestly, I assume he just stands in there by the door, either eavesdropping on my phone conversations with Kamran and Tracey or waiting for me to go to the bathroom so he can rush in after me and absorb my smells.

  2. Kelly says:

    I want Katie Ett for my roommate.

    Kisses, motherfucker!

  3. Kim says:

    That’s incredible.
    Sometimes I think I miss having a roommate, then this reminds me that I don’t … then convinces me again that I do … then I come back to the hair on the floor part, and yeah, I don’t.
    Hilarious.

    • Yeah, and any roommate you’d have would be blonde and love reality TV. Not only are his hairs thick and black, but he only watches math-related dramas. Also, I’ve never seen him eat pizza in the three years we’ve lived together. WHO IS THIS PERSON?

      However, I hate being alone, so a roommate is a must.

  4. caropal says:

    In unrelated news, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE go here for me!!!

    • No! I will not! I refuse to support gay novelties! However, the crabby ice cream truck is a great idea.

      No, I’m kidding. I’ve been watching their site, waiting for the day when I could get some bacon topping on my cone.

  5. Tracey says:

    What do you think he’s doing with your lamp? Does he have it in his room? Did he take it somewhere with him? Should you be concerned?

    • He didn’t return it, so the next time I was home, I asked him for it, and he got all huffy and said, “It’s in the closet!” So I looked in the storage closet in the kitchen, and there it was.

      He replaced it with some old glass lamp he must have picked up at the vintage store. I’m unimpressed.

  6. Tracey says:

    So are you going to return his passive aggressiveness and put it back out and hide his lamp? Or are you going to just suck it up and plug it in in your room?

    • I definitely fished it out and put it in my room. I didn’t plug it in, though, because he took the lightbulb out of it.

      Granted, he had put one of those energy-saving bulbs in it, so it was his to take, but he threw out my regular bulb to put the energy-saving one in, and you can bet I won’t soon forget that.

  7. spaghedeity says:

    Ha, that’s funny, Elise just doesn’t pay her share of the bills, period.

    And you better believe we don’t schedule things like cleaning or furniture rearranging (I’m talking about the lamp).

    • I tried to schedule a cleaning once, but he thought I was kidding and didn’t bother to tell me he had to work that night. The passive-aggressive note I wrote about that is still hanging on our refrigerator. His response is also hanging there, although it’s since been altered to correct the you’re that should’ve been your. I like knowing that he re-reads our notes.

      We don’t schedule furniture-rearrangings, either. I just come home once a week to find that our living room is suddenly painted red, and we have a Playstation 2. What a life.

  8. Nicole says:

    Oh! This is great. You should send it into http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/. :)

    • I did! I didn’t even think about how passive-aggressive they are until I posted them. I’m not sure they’re good enough to be used, but I felt proud to have something to submit.

      • Nicole says:

        I think, to anyone that doesn’t know you and your sense of humor, it will seem passive aggressive. I think it’s hilarous. :)

  9. that is HI-liarious….seriously! where did you rustle up such a comedian/roomie?